Some Kinda Casual Thing
by brttmclv
Summary: Vanessa was tired of her everyday life. She was tired of high school and the boys that chased her. She wanted a man and that exactly what she got. But was Billy Darley too much...? A Death Sentence Fic
1. Strong Brooding Type

I sat there on the bench outside of my school cafeteria with my best friend since grade school. She was chatting away about some guy that bumped into her in the hallway. We were the popular girls. The prettiest of the pretty. And I, well I was what they called the leader of the pack. Yay, for me. I loved the attention but sometimes it would bite me in the ass. I'd say I'm pretty and not because I'm arrogant or conceited. I had confidence and sometimes that came off rudely. I was nearing 5'10' and was only 110 pounds. I was blonde and had green eyes. I was always tanned and I made our school outfits look, well more like what you'd see at a club. But my legs...Well my legs were longer than my freaking body. So it made my skirts look really short. I hated them sometimes, my legs that is. But when I needed them, they did their job.

"Vanessa? Have you heard a word I've said?" my friend, Ashley asked. She was pretty to. Blonde hair, blue eyes, about 5'5. She was the real spoiled brat, not me.

"No sorry. I kinda zoned out." I told her apologizing.

"You okay?" she asked. I nodded as the bell rang to go back to class. Then stopped.

"Hey, Ash. Tell Mr. Jones that I wasn't feeling good. Get my work and bring it to me. I'm gonna go home and chill." She nodded and walked away. I went to my car and drove off. I hated this school but I had to graduate at the top or my money would be gone. Yes, I'm spoiled too but jeeze, you'd like it too if money was always being thrown your way. Besides, I only had a few more months 'till graduation. Goodbye white shirt, plaid skirts and irritating squeals of the girls that gathered around my boyfriend. Yeah, I got one alright. High school hottie, football and baseball player, dirty blond hair, blue eyes and built like a marine. He thought he was all that, he though I was all that, but he wasn't. It's high school. In a few months he'd be at the mercy of being a freshman again when he started college. My parents thought I was going to college. I had other plans. I was going to take a break. Find the real me. Do things I wanna do. Not shop, tan and talk about who Lindsey or Paris is sleeping with. I wanted to find the real me.

Now I wasn't what everyone thought I was. They thought I was a spoiled innocent little rich girl...Adjectives are my favorites. Anyways, I had a wild side. I had friends out side of school. People that saw through the prettiness and big house. My friends would flip if they knew but I liked it. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't like really wild. I didn't like do drugs or drink way too much. But I went to a few parties and got a little wasted. Nothing like I was with Ash. We might be pretty but we couldn't be sluts. We didn't drink. We stayed by our man, well boy. We had too look innocent. Ya see, we were the popular ones that were smart. Not the popular ones that were not so smart. They slept around, we didn't. Well, they didn't. I'd never tell Ash but I wasn't exactly a virgin. I've had a few one night stands but nothing big. But I was far from a whore or slut. My own boyfriend didn't even know I wasn't a virgin but that was okay. I knew he wasn't. He slept around on me. He would never admit it but he slept around on me. I was okay with that. I didn't want a boy, I wanted a man. If I only knew where that was going to get me.

"Duncan, you here?" I called as I entered my house. Duncan was my step-father. He was okay. I played nice so I could get my share of the money I was entitled too. Why was I entitled? Well, because I had proof he was sleeping around on my mom, with girls my age, girls I knew. It was hush money but I took it. My mom wasn't my best friend. My dad was. Was being the operative word, he died about two years ago. Right after y sweet sixteen. It tore me up. He was my world. I was a Daddy's girl in all ways. It was after that, that I changed. That's when I started hanging out with Heather. I'd met her at the mall. She was pretty, she had what it would take to be popular except for one thing. Money. She came from the bad side of town. Her brother was in a well known gang. She kept me away from that. It was fine with me. Sure she hung out with them too but she wanted a life away from drugs and guns.

"Duncan!" I yelled again for my wannabe father. I walked into the kitchen and found a note on the fridge.

'Nessa, Your mom went out of town. I went out too. Be back tomorrow morning. Dun.'

"Great! Probably out with Melissa Wineheart. She said she had big places tonight. So what to do now?" I asked myself as I turned around in the empty kitchen. On the counter I saw a few bills.

"Ohh...Duncan left me cash." I smiled as I counted out four one hundred dollar bills. "Huh, a little extra today. Maybe it's not Melissa." I said. A few minutes later my cell rang.

"Looky here! She knows when I got money. Hello!" I said as I answered.

"Hey! What's up? Tell me you step-monster has plans because I need to have fun." she asked barley taking a breath.

"Yes, he does and he left me a nice wad of cash too. So what are the plans?" I asked joggin up the stairs to my room.

"Well, I'll meet you at the Diner like usual, my brother is home tonight, but meet me there at...oh let's say 7 sharp. And we'll wing it from there." I told her that was fine and went to jump in the shower. On my way out my bedroom door I saw the picture of my dad. He was a good looking man for his age. He was 47 when he passed and had not one light hair on his full head of hair to show for it. He was tall and still pretty well built. I got my tallness from him. He was almost 6'4". My mom was about 5'4" so I got the little shortness from her. I picked the picture up and placed a kiss on it. A half an hour later I was done and out of my shower.

"Okay now what to wear?" I asked myself as I stood in the towel in my closet. "It's a pretty warm night so how's about a skirt?" I pulled out a dark blue denim skirt, along with a black strapless top that came down about five inches from the bottom of my skirt. I got dressed and looked at myself in the mirror. "Hummm...shoes?" I then pulled out a pair of black flip flops that had fake diamonds on them. I looked at myself one last time before grabbing my purse and leaving. "Dressed to kill."

I pulled into the Diner and saw Heather inside but she wasn't alone. She had like four other guys with her. She looked annoyed to. I figured it must have been her brother and his friends being that they were all covered in tattoos. One guy looked to young and scrawny to be in a gang. I hesitated going in because I knew she didn't want me around them. But I thought what the hell. Just one meeting, just one time. Right?

"Heather!" I called walking into the Diner. She looked up and went pale. She quickly stood up and ran over to me.

"What are you doing? Can't you put two and two together? They have tattoos and are big and scary, didn't you get they were in a gang?" she kept asking all these questions.

"Yeah but I didn't think it would be a big deal." I told her. Then I saw them getting up and walking toward us. Three of the were white, one black. They all had tribal tattoo's everywhere, except the skinny one. He had tattoo's but not like the others. They all looked scary and bad but one...The tallest one...There was something about him. He had that presence that said he was it. He was the one you don't fuck with. He had this vibe that said if you talk shit, you'll get hit. And well, my god the boy was gorgeous. Well, he looked nothing like a boy, he was pure man.

"So whose this?" asked the skinny white boy looking me up and down. Paying special attention to my legs.

"A friend. Now stop staring at her. She' s not a piece of meat." Heather snapped at him. "Vanessa, this is my brother Baggy..." She said pointing to one of the guys, "this is Bodie..." pointing to the black man, "Joe..." pointing to the one that was still staring at me...well they were all staring, "and Billy, Joe's older brother." she said finally pointing to the big man. He was tall...and lean. Built to. I could only imagine what he looked like without that black shirt on. The thought made me smile. "Guys, this is my friend Vanessa. Now if you don't mind, we're going out."

We went to leave but her brother...Baggy was his name, weird...grabbed her hand. "Where?"

"Out." was all she said.

"No, how 'bout you pretty little things come hang out with us?" said Bode smiling. He seemed nice enough and actually looked like he had some sort of common sense. Heather started to say no but Baggy and Joe agreed.

"No! We want to have fun. Now go away." she said, trying to walk away again.

"Please, just for a few. If you ain't having any fun by..." Bode said looking at his watch " 9pm, you girls can leave. At least give us 'till then?" he asked and smiled again. Heather looked at me and I shrugged. She said fine and we headed outside. When I walked up to my car I heard someone whistle, it was Joe.

"You a rich bitch?" he asked as he looked over my car, it was an Audi.

"Yeah. Are you a poor bastard?" I asked back. He just stared at me while everyone else laughed, well all except for Billy. He hadn't said one word, not even a sound. Come to think of it he hadn't changed his facial expression at all. I was starting to think it was stuck.

We got in and followed the boys to what I assumed was Billy and Joe's place. We got out and walked into the building and up three floors. When we walked in there was at least 15 people there. All drinking, smoking and well some making out...and doing drugs. Heather told me they wouldn't push drugs on me, they knew better than to do that to a girl.

"Wow! A gang with morals." I said sarcastically. Heather just laughed and got us a beer. I looked around. It looked like a party. The room was crammed full, it was smokey and the music was loud. It was a pretty cool vibes though. I spotted Billy over on the couch with a smutty looking girl in his lap. As a matter of fact there was a lot of girls around him. But he expression was still stone cold.

"So...What's his deal?" I asked Heather. She looked over and shook her head.

"He's just pissed. He's not so bad on his good day. Everyone's scared of him. The boys practically bow down to him. But he keeps shit in order." she said dragging me into the living room where people were dancing. We started dancing and laughing having a good time. We had a few more beers and by the time 9 came around Bode called us over. He was in the kitchen with Billy.

"So you having fun?" he asked knowing he was right.

"Yes, Bode. We are having fun. Thank you for suggesting this. You can say I told you so, if a want." I said laughing and swaying a bit.

"Well, I told you so!" he said and walked off grabbing Heather's arm and going to dance. It was silent as I turned back to Billy. His face had softened a little.

"So are you the strong but silent brooding type?" I asked hoping onto the counter making sure to cross my legs so I didn't flash anyone. He leaned back on the counter across form me and stared at me.

"I'll take that as a yes. A know some girls like that." There was still silence. "But with your posses of hookers I betch knew that already, huh?" I asked. He smirked a little and put out his cigarette.

"What makes you think they are hookers?" he asked. God, his voice was deep. Husky. Sexy...hamm. Why didn't he talk more?

"Are you kidding me? Look at them." I said hoping of the counter and turning to look at them behind me. "They look like hookers. I betch they even smell like hookers. I bet you smell like a hooker right now!" I exclaimed standing next to him and leaning back. He looked over at me and smiled.

"Who are you?" he asked turning to me fully. I leaned up to his ear and put a hand on his chest.

"Whoever you want me to be?" I whispered.


	2. Admiring Your Work

"Is that so?" he asked moving closer.

**Baby you pretend that things ain't what they seem  
All this tension telling me just exactly what we should be  
Now I don't mind us being some kind of casual thing  
Listen, all I wanna do right now is have your contact on me**

"Yeah, it is." I said meeting him half way in a hard kiss. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him close. He put one arm around my waist and the other started up my shirt. I lightly bit his lip as he pulled away.

**Can you put your hands my waistline  
Want your skin up against mine  
Move my hips to the baseline  
Let me get mine, you get yours  
Hang a please don't disturb sign  
Put my back into a slow grind  
Sending chills up and down my spine  
Let me get mine, you get yours**

"Follow me." he said and walked out of the kitchen toward the back of the apartment where the bedrooms were. I followed him trying to catch up to his quick pace. He went to the very back room and disappeared. I slowly pushed the door open. Right as I stepped in the door was slammed shut and locked. The instant the door locked he was pulling my shirt up and over my head. His rough hands felt so good on my smooth skin. We kissed and only parted when I pulled his shirt off. He picked me up and tossed me on the bed and got on top of me kissing me again. My hands ran across his chest and down his arms until the reached his pants. My fingers found the buckle and started to undo it. I snatched the belt off and started unbuttoning his jeans.

**If you see me with a man  
Understand that you can't question me  
The feelings that you call, it ain't my fault  
It can't help your jealousy  
If you can handle the fact that  
What we have has got to be commitment free  
Then we can keep this undercover lovin' comin', hittin'  
Underneath the sheets**

He stopped me for a quick moment to slide my skirt off and throw it across the room. He stared for a moment taking in my body. Smirking while his eyes traveled from my head to my feet. He ran his hands along my legs and took his jeans off. He came back up to me and took off my bra and began biting my neck. In one swift pull he had my pantie off and on the floor. He reached over to his night stand and took out a condom. He pulled off his boxers and that's when I saw how big he really was. There's no doubt he's a man I thought to myself as I watched him roll the condom on.

**Can you put your hands my waistline  
Want your skin up against mine  
Move my hips to the baseline  
Let me get mine, you get yours  
Hang a please don't disturb sign  
Put my back into a slow grind  
Sending chills up and down my spine  
Let me get mine, you get yours**

"You're old enough, right?" he asked trying to sound as if he cared even though the look on his face said otherwise.

"Yes, I'm 18. Wanna see my ID?" I joked. He smiled and kissed me again. He got on top of me and pushed my legs apart with his knee. When he entered me I wanted to scream. God, he was almost too much. A let out a load moan and he grunted in response. He started slowly trying to make it easier. After a few minutes he quickened his pace. He had one hand holding my hip and one hand behind my head holding me to him. My hands were making their way up his arms and back while we moved. He moved even faster causing me to let loose more moans. He muffled a moan and thrust even harder when my nails found their way into his back.

**Now listen  
So, come on and freak my body  
We can get nasty, naughty  
All night a private party  
Gotta hit that spot just right  
Work me like a 9 to 5  
It ain't about the kissin' and huggin'  
Cause this is a physical lovin'  
Straight sweatin', our bodies are rubbin'  
Gotta hit that spot just right  
Work me like a 9 to 5**

"Oh...god..." I moaned as he thrust harder and faster. His own nails digging into the sides of my hips. He began kissing down my neck and sucked hard on my collarbone. His hands gripped a fist full of my hair and lightly tugged my head back kissing down my throat. He moved quicker and soon I felt that familiar sensation. I begged him to go faster and he obliged. We moved and soon I felt it closer. I screamed out loud and dug my nails into his back as I came. He came a moment later not bothering to muffle his loud moan. He laid on top of me for a minute to catch his breath. He laid his head on my chest and took a few breaths then looked up at me and smiled.

**We have a physical thing  
We'll make love, but don't fall in loveLet me get mine, you get yours  
You spend time  
Just enough so you get yours, and I get mine  
No strings attached  
I want your body, not your heart  
Let me get mine, you get yours**

"You sure you're only 18?" he joked as he rolled off me but kept an arm around my waist.

"You gonna tell me to go now?" I asked laying on my side to look at him. He gave me a confused look. "You don't seem like the kind guy to let a girl stay after you have fun. Fuck and toss, is the kinda guy you seem like." He smirked and nodded his head.

"I am." he said but pulled me closer when I went to get up. "But you..." he whispered kissing my neck. "You can stay."

**Can you put your hands my waistline  
Want your skin up against mine  
Move my hips to the baseline  
Let me get mine, you get yours  
Hang a please don't disturb sign  
Put my back into a slow grind  
Sending chills up and down my spine  
Let me get mine, you get yours**

"Well, in that case. You up for round two." I asked as I crawled on top of him. He responded by smiling and pulling me down on him hard.

**Put your hands my waistline  
Want your skin up against mine  
Move my hips to the baseline  
Let me get mine, you get yours  
Hang a please don't disturb sign  
Put my back into a slow grind  
Sending chills up and down my spine  
Let me get mine, you get yours**

Come here  
Don't be shy  
I won't bite  
Let me get mine, you get yours

The next morning I woke up with a major headache. I almost forgot where I was until I felt the spot between my legs aching. I leaned up on my elbows and looked over to see Billy sleeping on his stomach, head buried in his pillow. He looked so innocent. Then I remembered last night. I pulled up the sheet and looked at my hips. On each side there were five very distinct finger marks from him grabbing me. Then I looked at his back and smiled. He had nail marks up and down his back.

"Admiring your work?" Billy said sleepily, eyes still closed with a faint smile on his lips.

"Yes. Your's was quite impressive too." With that he sat up and looked at my hip under the cover. He smiled and laid bak down on his back. He held up an arm signaling me to lay with him. I laid my head on his shoulder while he set his arm back down over me. He pulled me closer and acted like he was going back to sleep.

"Are you going back to sleep?" I asked. He nodded his head and held me tight so I couldn't get up.

"Billy! I hafta pee!" I whined as he unwilling let me go. He told me where it was. I got up and stood there. Naked He looked up and smiled

"Open the first drawer and grab a shirt and a pair of boxers. That should cover you up." he said yawning and he got up too. Also naked. I looked him over and smiled.

"Admiring my body." I smiled and left the room. Right as I walked out all heads were looking at me. Good thing was only Heather, Joe and Bodie were there. Heather let out an awful scream as she ran up to me.

"What the HELL!" she yelled at me crossing her arms. I was about to say something when Joe opened his big mouth.

"You're taking the walk of shame!" he laughed.

"I have no shame about what happened last night." I said smirking and walking into the bathroom before Heather could stop me. Instead she yelled through the door.

"What were you thinking? I only had one dance with Bodie and I come back and you're gone!" I finished my business and opened the door. She stood there looking totally pissed off. She was about to say something but stopped when Billy walked out of the room, clad only in a pair of boxers. And well, a cigarette dangling from his mouth. He was actually smiling. The guys noticed and didn't let it go.

"Is Billy...smiling?" Joe asked looking disgusted. Then he had a look of total realization and disbelief. "Wait! You actually let her stay? With you? All night? In your bed?" he asked again. Billy just smiled at him.

"Dude, you let her stay?" Bodie asked seriously. Billy nodded and poured two cups of coffee. He handed one to me on the way to the couch. Joe still looked disgusted and Bodie looked okay but confused.

"Dude! What the fuck?" Joe asked again.

"Yes, we did fuck, more than once. Yes, I did let her stay with me, all night, in my bed. No, I have not lost my mind. I just had a very, very, very good night last night. Best one I've had in a while." He told joe seriously then winked at me over his cup. Joe just stared at him then looked at me and with a completely serious face and tone asked me...

"Did you drug my brother and take advantage of him?" Everyone laughed out loud even Heather who was still pissed. Joe just sat back and pouted. We sat for a few more minutes laughing and talking when I heard my phone ringing. I got up and looked for my purse. I found it and answered it without looking at the ID.

"Hello!" I answered still laughing.

"Hey, baby!"

I froze and every saw. It was my lovely boyfriend, Jason

"Hey. What's up?" I asked trying to sound calm and walking into the kitchen.

"Not much. I tried calling you last night but you never answered. Where were you?" he asked trying to hid the annoyance that threatened him.

"Oh last night! I was ummm...busy." I said as Billy walked in and sat across the table from me. He put out his cigarette and raised a brow at me. I made an annoyed face and he laughed.

"Who was that?" Jason asked.

"What? Who? I didn't hear anything?" I said tying to no moan as Billy's hand made it's way up my leg. I got up and moved toward the counter and leaned on it as Billy smirked at me.

"Oh okay. Well I know we haven't spent much time together lately. So I was wondering if you want to go out for a movie and maybe dinner tonight?" he asked. I almost didn't hear him as Billy picked me up and put me on the counter. He slowly began to kiss my neck and nibble my ear.

"Umm...No, I think I might have...ahem plans tonight. My mom...is hummm coming back today." I said failing miserably at concealing the moans and gasps that came out as Billy snuck his hands between my legs and up the boxer shorts he let me borrow.

"Umm can I call you back?" I asked but hung up quick as Billy slipped two fingers into me. "Billy..." I gasped.

"Who was that? Your boyfriend?" he asked between kissing my neck and moving his fingers deeper and quicker. I grabbed the edge of the counter and threw my head back.

"Hummm...Kinda." Was all I could reply as he bit down on my neck. I yelped and he picked me up and took me back to his throne. I could hear the boys cheering and Heather screaming while he carried me into his room and shut the door. He threw me on the bed again.

"He's not gonna get in the way of us, will her?" he asked as he took his shirt and boxers off of me. I shook my head and pulled him on the bed. He smirked and we had a repeat of last night. Neither of us tying to muffle the moans and screams coming from our mouths. This was what I've been waiting for. I wanted man...and I got one.

**_Song: Get Mine, Get Yours by Christina Aguilera_**


	3. Malibu Ken

"Seriously, did you drug him?" Heather asked as we got in the car to leave Billy's apartment. I looked over at her and she was serious.

"What?! No! Why do you guys think that?" I asked shaking my head.

"Vanessa! It's Billy Darley! He doesn't let girls stay with him after he's done...ya know. He takes his aggression out and tells them to leave. He barley let's them in his room! He not only let you in, he let you stay and then you took you back in!" she exclaimed.

"You're crazy, you know that?"

"No I'm not but you are for sleeping with him. Ah! Does he know about Jason?" she asked pointing her bony finger at me.

"Yes. I told him."

"And what did he say?"

"He asked if he was going to get in between us, I said no and we fucked...again." I told her smiling.

"I can't...Ohh you are...In for a rude awakening." she said as she sat back in her seat.

"What? It's not like were dating. It's just a thing."

"A thing?"

"Yes, a casual thing." I said in confidence.

"What kinda casual thing?" she asked sitting back up in her seat.

"Just..Some kinda casual thing, okay! Just a thing. He's nice, hot, funny...lovely smile...and ohhh he kisses..." I stopped and looked at her. "Have you ever, ya know, with Billy?" I asked.

"No! My brother would kill me. I do not wish to sleep with Billy Darley."

"Oh okay." I said not really believing her. I looked at her again and she seemed lie she wanted to say something but was too embarrassed to say it. "You want me to tell you about it?" I asked.

"Please! I know you won't lie to me and I'd never ask the others girls he sleeps with because well its weird. And I wanna know is what they say is true." she asked getting all excited. I laughed at her giddiness.

"Well, let's just say Billy Darley is a big boy...ahem man...all around." She looked at me with wide eyes. "Seriously, I'm still throbbing. But it was the best sex I've ever had! I mean look.." I told her as I came to a red light. I pulled my shirt up and my skirt down to show her the bruises he left on my hip.

"Oh my god! He wasn't letting you go anywhere, huh?" she laughed. We talked more about Billy and she told me some more about the gang and how her brother got there. But one thing still puzzled me.

"Why do they call him...Baggy?" I asked. She laughed out loud and shrugged her shoulders. I dropped her off at work and headed home. When I pulled in I found that my step-monster was still gone. "Must have had a busy night." I said as I walked inside and up to my room. I laid on my bed thinking. Thinking about last night and what it meant. Did it mean more like everyone thought it might have? Or did he just want sex? It was fine with me. I didn't want to get too mixed up with him...Right? Soon I was asleep.

I woke up to my mother standing over me. A scowl written all over her face.

"Where's your father?" she spat at me.

"Dead, remember?"

"He was not your father. Now, where is Duncan?" I fought the urge to hit her for saying that. Instead I just shook my head.

"I dunno. He's your husband, not mine." With that she walked away. I had a feeling things were going to get messy so I called Ashley.

"Hey, Nessa! What's up?" she asked. For some reason the perkiness really irritated me.

"Nothing. My mom's back and she's being a royal bitch. You wanna do something?" I asked walking over to my vanity and sitting down.

"Sure. What do ya have in mind? Wait! Jason and Dominic wanted to go bowling tonight. You wanna tag along? You sound like you need a double dat and we haven't had one in a while!" she squealed in my ear. I said yes and went to shower. I smelled of nothing but Billy. That consisted of a nice mix if smoke and whiskey! I got out and went to look for some clothes.

"I hate this part." I said as I pulled out a pair of skinny jeans and a white and pink halter top. I got my white fuzzy boots out and put them on over my jeans. I curled my usually straight hair and pulled a part of it back. "Humm...I wish it was snowing. I'd look like a snow bunny." I said laughing at my reflection. With my boots I was nearly 6 foot. Luckily Jason was the same height so I was never too much taller than him. I had just gotten me phone out when I heard Ashley honk from the driveway. I ran downstairs yelling at my mom.

"Awww! You look so cute. But we need to get your hair died." Ash said touching the darker blonde roots on my head.

"I think I look fine."

"You always look fine but it'd be nice to dye your root to match your natural color." she said and pulled out. I don't know what it was but I was getting really agitated with her. I think Billy had literally rubbed off a little on me. I smiled at the thought of him rubbing on me. 'God, I'm a pervert!' I thought to myself.

"What are you smiling about?" Ash asked me.

"Nothing. Just happy to be getting out." I lied as we pulled up to the bowling alley and met up with Jason and Dom.

"Well, well, well! Don't you look good. We're you okay earlier? You sounded a little flushed?" He asked me. I smiled remembering mine and Billy's kitchen romp. I shook my head and told him I was fine. Why was I thinking about Billy so much. Snap out of it! It's just sex! Granted it's really good mind blowing sex but that's it. I'm with Jason and these are my friends. Those are people I hang out with on occasion.

"Okay so, let's go bowling1" Dom exclaimed as we walked into the building. We were there for quite a while. I have to admit I had fun. I remember why I did like them and why they were my friends. Yes, they talked a lot about clothes and other people's business but they were cool. I That night was the first time I had not thought about Billy since I had met him the night before. As we got ready to leave I heard the rumble of an engine. I looked over and saw Billy, Baggy and Joe staring at me with Jason. They were talking but I couldn't see what they said. Jason shook me from my thoughts with a kiss. I kissed him back briefly.

"You ready, babe?" he asked wrapping his arm around me. I looked back quickly at Billy, who was still leaning on the car looking at me.

"Ya know what? I'm gonna call my mom to pick me up. I have to talk to her about some things. Ok?" He looked hurt but nodded and kissed me goodbye. I waited until the cars were gone and I jogged across the street to Billy. I saw a smile form as he watched me run. Baggy and Joe were sitting in the back when I got there. Right as I got to him I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him. He cupped my face and kissed me back. We pulled apart when Joe hit Billy in the back and yelled at him to cut it out. I ran to the other side of the car and got in.

"So was that your 'kinda boyfriend'?" he asked doing his fingers in quotes as he repeated my statement form earlier. I nodded. "So what do you have planned for tonight?" he asked looking over at me. Before I could reply Joe spoke up.

"No way?! You're kidding me? First you let her stay and now you want her to come by, again?" he asked disbelievingly.

"Joe, shut it!" Billy spat at him. I laughed and shook my head.

"Don't worry, Joe. I can't stay tonight. I have school tomorrow." Just then I wished I had put my seatbelt on. Bill slammed on the brakes so hard I smelt burnt rubber and saw smoke all around us. I looked over at him wide eyed as he gaped at me.

"What?" I asked dumbfounded.

"You...you said you were...old enough?" he said. I laughed out loud. They all looked at me weird.

"I am. Just because I'm still in high school, doesn't mean I'm underage. I'll turn 19 in August. I graduate in less than two months. Okay?" I asked reassuring them.

"Okay. You about scared the shit outta me." Billy said rubbing his bald head. I smiled at him and he looked at me funny again. "What are you smiling about?" I laughed more.

"I wear a uniform. White shirt, short plaid skirt, stockings and heels." Billy knew why I was smiling and a huge grin spread across his handsome face.

"Well, remind me to kidnap you early one day. We'll meet under the bleachers." he said smiling. "So what do you wanna do? You want me to take you home...or you wanna come back to my place?" he asked. I smiled and told him I'd go back with him.

"Alright. Well boys that means you're out." Billy declared as he stopped in the middle of the road. Joe and Baggy just gaped at him waiting for him to take it back. Then Billy stepped out of the car and drug Joe out and Baggy followed suit. "Call Bodie and ask him to pick ya up and go to Heco's or Tommy's." With that he drove off leaving two very stunned and speechless men in the middle of the road at night. I just looked at him. "What?" he grinned at me.

"Nothing. Nothing at all." We drove the rest of the way back to his apartment. We walked up to his apartment and walked in.

"You thirsty?" he asked as he went into the kitchen. I nodded and he brought me a beer and we sat on the couch. "So Vanessa...how long have you been with Malibu Ken?"

"Why do you care?"

"Does he know about you sleeping around?" I didn't mean to snap but I did.

"I'm not whore, Billy. I don't sleep around. I'm not like these others girls you're with all the time."

"Really? Heather told me you haven't even slept with Jason."

"So?"

So? You sleep with every guy you meet or just me?" He snapped starting to get angry.

"I dunno. I was drunk." I tried to defend myself.

"So it was a mistake?" he asked letting too much emotion show.

"Why do you care? You just think I'm a whore. I'm leaving!" I said and stomped out the apartment and went to the stairway. I heard footsteps and I turned around just in time to see a fuming Billy pushed me hard against the wall. We stared at each other for a few moments until we wrapped our arms around each other and kissed. My arms were around his neck and his around my waist pulling me up to wrap my legs around his waist. He started walking back to his apartment while we kissed. Laughing into each others lips as we almost tripped. We made it safely to his room where we quickly started taking off our clothes. I was kneeling at the edge of his bed as he walked up to me. He pushed me back and crawled on top of me. He wasted no time thrusting into me and kissing me hard. He was rough, but I liked it. We moaned and moved together all night, coming multiple times and screaming and moaning. I ended up staying anyways. Why? I don't think we knew. But it felt right. Why did it feel like more than sex? Did he see it that way? What I wouldn't give to be a mind reader!


	4. Girlfight!

I don't know what it was. We weren't dating. Go know I don't need a girlfriend. I like my freedom too much. Bu she was...Different. I know she's not a whore. I don't know hy I said it last night. But she sure as hell had more experience than any other 18 year old I've been with. The first night, man, they way she crawled on top me. The way she rocked her hips. The way she...I gotta quit or I'm gonna need a shower. But she wasn't like the other...hookers, as she called them...that I've been with. I hated being with them. I got what I wanted and made them leave. But Vanessa, now I wanted Vanessa. If I could only have her I'd be happy but she's got this other life. Heather says she hasn't even slept with her boyfriend. Somehow I gotta get here, with us, for good. I leaned up to look at her when I felt her move. She wasn't going to stay but that changed. Everyone was freaking out because I let her stay. But it's nothing. She's more than any other girl out there but she's not my girlfriend. It's just a thing, yeah a casual thing. It's just sex, right?

"Hey." she said sleepily raising her hands above her head and stretching.

"Hey. What about school?" I asked sitting up in the bed. And reaching for a cigarette.

"I can miss out. It won't kill me."

"Well, what do you want me to do? Want me to take you home or you wanna chill here?"

"Do you mind, if I stayed?" she asked a little shocked.

"I asked didn't I?" I replied getting out of bed. I could feel her watching me as I walked to get some clothes.

"Ok. But I do need to go to my house and get some clothes." I raised an eyebrow at her. "Don't worry, my parents are gone. They always are."

I threw her another shirt and a pair of old sweats. They still were too big. They almost didn't stay on her hips. She pulled them up every few second to stop form showing her underwear. We got dressed and went to the living room. Joe was still gone.

"You hungry?" I asked as we went into the kitchen. She yawned and nodded, laying her head on the table. "You can go back to sleep, ya know?"

"What is this?" she asked suddenly. It caught me off guard but I tried to hide it.

"Nothing." I said simply.

"Nothing? I told Heather it was casual." I looked over a her.

"Sounds about right. It's just sex right?"

"Yeah, I have another life and a boyfriend. You have this life and your hookers." she said smiling at her last words. I smiled to. "I'm still in school and you see too busy for an actual girlfriend."

"You're right. So it's agreed. We hang out, I bring you here, we have completely mind blowing sex, no strings attached, I let you stay, do it some more and we go back to our lives." I said getting a beer. She nodded and looked up at me looking through the fridge.

"Why don't you go ahead and take me to my house and I'll make us breakfast there?"

"Can you even cook? Heather said you're a spoiled brat." I asked smirking at her.

"Yes I can! And I'm damn good. I have to know how to take care of myself for when I leave the hell hole that is my house." she said defending herself.

"So you are gonna move out after you graduate?" I asked.

"Hell yes! I can't stand it there. But I have to stay until I graduate or I won't get my money." she said getting her shoes on.

"Hush money? That's what Heather said." she nodded and when we got outside I did something I thought I'd never do. I handed her my keys. She looked shocked.

"What are you doing?" she asked still standing there as I got into the passenger seat. I had to push the seat back all the way. It felt weird.

"Just get in and drive. I don't know where you live so go before I change my mind." Whether we dated or not, people had to know she was mine. She was mine, right? Doesn't matter...She's more than a hooker or slut, so people gotta know to back away and I knew how to do that, and let it get around quick. We drove to her house chatting lightly and when we pulled up, I about slipped out.

"Damn!" This was a big fucking house. She pulled a smile telling me she wasn't really impressed and we walked in. "Why would you leave this? Why do you hang out with people like me?" I was thoroughly confused.

"Honestly, because you guys treat me like crap. Well, not really anymore. You guys think I'm a stupid rich girl and you shove it in my face. At school and around here I'm...I just hate it. It's all about money and yeah that's good but it's got no meaning." I nodded my head understanding a little bit. We walked upstairs to her room and I was impressed. It wasn't too girly. I started looking at pictures while she tried to find some clothes. She only had a few but they were all of the same man.

"Who's this?" I asked. She looked at me with a sad smile.

"My dad." she whispered. She walked over and stood next to me. "He died two years ago. Cancer. He was my best friend. My mom's a witch and so is my step-monster. I miss him everyday."

"I'm sorry. My mom died when I was real young. I think that's why Bonez is the way he is. He finally found someone and then she was gone and left him with two kids he didn't know how to take care of. So he raised us like his dad raised him. I think he blames himself sometimes. If she hadn't have died me and Joe would probably be different." I said putting the picture down. "Where's the bathroom?" she said it was three doors down. Now I was only gone for like 5 minutes but when I came back she had changed. But not into normal clothes.

"Figured now would be the best time of any. My in my outfit and in my room. Get the whole feeling at once." she said walking over to me and closing the door. Damn did she look good. The skirt barely looked like it was school appropriate but her legs were just so damn long. The stockings, the shirt...damn! She walked up to me and kissed my neck. She started to walk back as I tried to kiss her. She made her way tot he bed knelling down on the edge. I walked up and kissed her hard. Wrapping my arms around her as she pulled me close. I started to unbutton her shirt and damn she had more surprises. A black lacy bra. Thank you, Victoria! I kissed along the edge of the bra and ran my hands down her side causing her to shiver. She reached up to pull my shirt off and ran he hands up my back and across my shoulders. I moved to undo her bra and threw it away. I placed one hand on one breast and took the other gently in my mouth. She moaned and arched a little. I gently bit down and sucked until I myself couldn't take anymore. The skirt and stockings had to go. As my hands found their way her to skirt I unbuttoned it and yanked it down along with the thong that matched the bra. I slid my hand between her legs and she gasped as my finger entered her. My head slowly made its way down her chest placing kisses a the way. And I didn't stop until my tongue touched her spot. She moaned out loud and shifted beneath me. I licked and sucked until I could feel her tighten around my fingers. I pulled out before she could explode and started undoing my jeans. I almost literally jumped out of them and hastily got on top of her. I leaned down to kiss her as I found my way inside of her. I always began slowly because she was kinda tiny. I quickened and began to thrust harder. She moaned and raked her nails up and down my back. She bit down on my neck making me pound into her a few times, making her scream my name. I gripped her hips when I felt her tightening again. I thrust harder and faster and she came moments after. I could feel myself on the brink but I wanted to wait. When she came she clenched around me and pulled me in further. I kept thrusting while she was coming causing her to draw blood as she bit my neck. I kept moving inside her until I felt her about to come again. This time I had no choice. Moments after she screamed me name out again I came with her and couldn't muffle her name escaping my mouth. I collapsed on top of her careful not to crush her. I rolled off and laid next to her. Smiles plastered on both our faces.

"I honestly think I could go without sleeping with anyone else as long as I had you." I said only half joking. She laughed and rolled over to lay on my chest. Her hand was on my chest and gently drew circles with her fingers.

"Do you think, maybe one day, we'll be more?" she asked quietly.

"I dunno. But I do know that I've never met someone like you. I never let girls stay let aloe cuddle with me. But with you it feels okay." I said rubbing her back and pulling her closer/

"I can take that. You still hungry?" she asked looking up at me smiling. I nodded and we got dressed and went down stairs. She wasn't lying when she said she could cook. She made bacon, eggs, hash browns and biscuits. We talked about odds and ends. About her dad and her mom, about my mom and my...well Bonez.

"Billy, how old are you?" she asked suddenly.

"24. You didn't know?" I asked. She shook her head. "That okay with you?" She gave me this 'duh' look and we finished eating. As she was putting the dishes up my phone rang.

"Hello?" I answered and gestured to her be quiet.

"Where I the Hell are you?!" came the reply from none other than Bonez himself.

"Nowhere. What do you want?" I lied. He was the only person I didn't want to know about Nessa.

"Come here, get the goods and take them to your little minions, NOW!" Then he hung up.

"You wanna ride with me?" I asked her when I hung up. She nodded her head and ran up stairs to get her shoes. On our way over I told her sit in the car when we got to the shop and don't look or talk to anyone. "I'm only gonna be in there for a minute, I swear. Then we'll go to Four Roses and have some fun." She nodded and looked a little scared. I reached out to grab her hand and told her ti was okay. She was with me, she was safe.

We pulled up and I got out to go inside. "Remember what I said!" I reminded her.

I walked up the familiar path and went to his office. He was on the phone and threw me the bag and waved me to leave. 'Well, I guess I told her right. A minute.' I walked back outside and threw the bag in the back. "You ready to get drunk?"

"I can't drink in a bar. I'm 18, remember?" she told me looking confused.

"You can if you're with me." I pulled off and drove to the bar. We pulled up and I saw Bodie's car and knew they were here. We got out and we walked hand in hand into the bar. I saw Bodie, Joe, Heco, Heather and Baggy in the back. As we walked I could see the pissed off faces of girls that wanted me and the shock across the faces of th guys the knew me. Heather saw us first and ran over to hug Vanessa.

"Hey! What's up?" she asked as we sat down. I made sure that Vanessa was between me and Bodie so nothing would happen. We sat there for a while just drinking, playing pool and talking. Everything was fine until a certain girl decided she wasn't happy seeing me with Vanessa.

Leslie was her. I had slept with her once or twice. Nothing big. She was pretty but not all that. She was the type that just wanna be seen with you because it makes her feel special. She thought because I had slept with her more that once that she was my girl. I've never had a girl...Well I guess Vanessa was mine. But not totally.

"So Billy, who's this?" Les asked tapping her foot.

"Hey! Why don't you ask me? I am right here." Vanessa spoke up a little annoyed and buzzed.

"Billy..." Les asked again. I shook my head.

"Ask her. She's right there."

"Fine. Who in the fuck are you and why are you sitting with my man?" she spat at Vanessa. Vanessa gave her the dirtiest look and told me to get up. I obliged hoping to see a girl fight.

**There she go talkin' her mess  
All around town makin' me stress  
I need to get this off my chest  
And if her friend want some then she'll be next  
It really ain't that complicated  
Y'all walking round looking all frustrated  
Want some plex come on let's make it  
Ya acting real hard but I know ya fakin'**

"I'm Vanessa. It's nice to meet you, Leslie, right?" Vanessa told her in the nicest voice. Les looked taken aback.

"Yes. But why are you with my man?" she asked again. Me, Heather, Bodie and Joe just sat and watched. Heco and Baggy had been sent off the bags and boy they's be pissed they missed this.. We all kinda grew attached to Nessa, even Joe.

**Know you really don't wanna step to dis  
Really don't know why you talkin' shit  
You 'bout to catch one right in the lip  
It's about to be a what? Girlfight!**

"Your man? If he was your man...he wouldn't be sleeping with anyone else. But he is. I know for a fact because, I stayed with him last night and the night before. And we just left my house after a really good time. So if he was your man, shouldn't he have been with you? And not me?" Vanessa asked trying her best to put on a dumb blonde face. Leslie then did something I would never guessed. She hit Vanessa.

**We on our way to ya neighborhood  
The reason why we comin' is understood  
Me and my girls we down to ride  
So when you hear us pull up bring ya butt outside  
And if you try to call ya cousin and nem  
Don't forget that I got some of dem  
'Bout to go real hard 'bout to swang dem thangs  
'Bout to feel elbows all in ya brain**

Heather jumped up but right as she did Vanessa swung back and nailed her right in the nose. Blood spewed form her nose. And Les leaped and grabbed a fist full of hair. Vanessa hit her in the stomach and threw her on the ground. Everyone by now had gathered around throwing money at them. I was enjoying myself. Someone needed to show Leslie what she really was. And apparently Vanessa was tougher than she looked. They kept hitting and slapping until Leslie hit her in the jaw. Vanessa then took a beer bottle and before I could stop her smacked her across the head with it. The glass shattered and Leslie went down with a thump. Vanessa looked down at her.

**Oh snap these bitches they act like cats  
In the middle of the dance floor now they preparing to scrap  
They takin out their scrunchies and pullin' off their press-ons  
The one on the right is the girlfriend and the one the left is the other woman  
Someone please call security  
These girls too purty  
To get down to the nitty titty  
I mean the nitty gritty  
I mean her tiitty pretty  
I'm trippin'  
Being silly willy  
Man go on let them hos fight**

"Listen, if you had even one lick of common sense you'd know that you're nothing to Billy. You're a whore. Just a fuck for him. Something to pass the time. When he leaves her or when you leave him, he doesn't think about you. He doesn't care where you go, where you are, how you are or who you're with. If he was you're man he would but he doesn't. Okay?!" Vanessa snapped at her grabbing her by the hair and pushing her to her feet. "Now leave!" The girls left and Vanessa turned around and applause were heard around the bar. She still had the broken bottle in her hand and I slowly grabbed it from her. She smile and I hugged her.

"I do have a girl." I whispered in her ear. She shot her head up and she looked sad. "You. Your mine." She smiled and I kissed her. We drank some more and at the end of the night I had to take her back home so she could actually go to school the next day. She was mine but we both had a silent understanding of what that meant for now. No one would fuck with her but we still had our lives. She didn't sleep with no one but me. And well I promised to lay off the hookers. Because well I got the best from her, why did I need anymore than that.

**Song: Girlfight by Brooke Valentine**


	5. Mercy

It had been almost a month since I'd met Billy and them. I ended up breaking up with Jason. Big surprise there. Ash was kinda mad at me but I didn't really hang out with her much. I hung out more with Heather and the boys. I was with Ash during school and Heather outside of school. My mom was out of town again and my step-monster was still having his affairs. Billy hadn't slept with anyone but me since he told he I was his girl. Leslie wasn't too happy about that. But don't get me wrong, Billy and I weren't dating. We just hung out at Four Roses or at his place and drank. Then well ya know had sex. I stayed with him and we would talk. So I guess it wasn't really dating. We were just...seeing each other. No one messed with me nonetheless. They knew who I was. They knew who I went to when trouble came a knocking. They knew who's bed I laid in a night. And they weren't about to step in front of me. School was almost over. I had three weeks left. And in three weeks I would be able to get out of that house. My step-monster know's this kick ass real estate agent and I'm gonna get an apartment with Heather. It's gonna be close to Billy bu not in that in that part of town. I couldn't wait. Everything seemed to be working out so well. But ya know what they say. Thins aren't always what they seem.

I was sitting in the Diner waiting for Heather to meet me when one of the most gorgeous men I had ever seen walked through the door. He was tall but not like Billy. He was maybe a couple inches shorter than Billy. He was lean too. Skinny but built. He had dark brown hair, maybe and inch and a half long. Bright green eyes and a chiseled face. He dressed nice and looked a million bucks. He walked over to me.

"Ummm...Hello. I'm uh Markus. I'm kinda lost. Think you can help me?"I he asked smiling and leaning on the booth. I smiled up at him.

"Sure. Where ya headed sweetie?" I asked sweetly. He smiled and sat down.

"I'm looking for Rogers St.?" he said. I told him how to get there and then back to the interstate if he needed it. He thanked me but paused when he went to stand up.

"You busy tonight?" he asked. I shook my head no. "You wanna grab a bite to eat tonight?" I thought about Billy. It's just dinner. And we're not dating so it shouldn't be a problem.

"Sure. I'd love to." I smiled and wrote down my cell number. He told me he'd call me at 7:30pm and he left. I called Heather and told her I wasn't feeling good and to call me later tonight. I drove home and headed upstairs to take a shower. I jumped out seeing that it was nearly7 and ran into my closet. Then stopped and didn't know where we were going or if I needed to dress up. A few minutes later my cell rang with a text. It was from him telling me to dress nicely. At that I went back to my closet and pulled out a nice little black dress. It was strapless and fit me in all the right places. I got a pair of black heels an rushed to do my hair. I let it fall on my shoulders and did my make up. I looked at myself and sighed. I hope Billy...No! It's casual. We have sex! That's it. We talked about this. True, we only sleep with each other but if we were going to sleep with another we'd tell. But I wasn't going to sleep with this guy anytime soon. Billy was enough for me.

A while later we were leaving the restaurant. We went to a very nice and chic Italian place downtown. He asked me if I wanted to come back to his place but I declined and asked him to take m home. I had gotten a message from a very angry Billy earlier. He told me to call him and asked me what I was doing. I hadn't called him back. I figured I'd show up at the bar. When I did I wish I would have called first.

I walked in and the first thing I saw was Leslie...and Billy. All over him to be exact. Kissing him, smiling at him, sliding her hand silently between his legs. Billy looking like he was actually enjoying it. I started to walk back. The first to see me was Bodie. And boy was the look on his face priceless. Beside Billy, I was closet to Bodie. He told me on more than one occasion he knew I could change Billy. He had a look of disgust on his face looking at Leslie and an apologetic look when he saw me. I winked and shrugged. He knew I had something up my sleeve. I just happened to have a long black coat on so no one saw what I was wearing until I let it fall right in front of Billy. The dress came up so high that I had to watch how I bent over. My long, tanned legs stood out even more being next to the black fabric of my dress. Bodie's mouth hung open as did everyone else's. Including Leslie and Billy.

"Hello, Leslie. Having fun?" I asked sweetly as I sat next to Bodie across from her and Billy. I made sure to cross my legs to the side of the table so Billy could see them. He had told me more than once that my legs were his favorite part of my body.

"What are you doing here?" she asked snottily. Getting annoyed that Billy had suddenly lost interest in her.

"Oh just stopping by. Had a date." Billy's head snapped up and he glared at me.

"Must have been a hot one." he spat a me. Gripping his beer so hard I thought it was going to break any minute. Bodie tried to keep from laughing.

"Oh yeah it was. But if I knew you were having this much fun I wold ave taken hi up on his offer to go back to his place. Maybe I'll give him a call." I told him pulling my cell from my purse. Before I could get my purse unzipped Billy had pushed Leslie off of him, grabbed my arm and preceded to drag me out the back door into the alley. In a moment he was in my face and I was never more scared in my life.

"What the FUCK was that? You don't embarrass me like that. Who'd you go out with. Did ya fuck him?" he yelled at my only an inch from my face.

"Embarrass you? You're embarrassing me! Leslie?! Good god Billy, what the fuck? I went out to have dinner with a guy I met today. He seemed nice so I said yes to dinner. And no I did not fuck him. He practically asked me but I said no. I told him I was sorta taken." I yelled just as loud not backing down. He was steaming by the time I was done. I could smell him. He had the smell of smoke and whiskey. I loved that smell.

_**Billy's POV**_

Oh was I pissed. I was pissed that she was with another guy, which I shouldn't have. I was pissed that she wasn't scared of me and I was fucking pissed that she looked this damn good and I probably wasn't going to get any because in the process of her pissing me off, I pissed her off. I grabbed her throat and pushed her up against a wall.

"You stay away from him." I warned her. She smirked at me! I'm choking the bitch and she's smiling.

"Jealous?" she asked. The fact that she called me jealous and that fact that she was right pissed me off even more. I pressed my body up against hers and kissed her hard. She wasted no time kissing me back and biting my lip as punishment. My hands found their way to her butt and lifted her off the ground to wrap her legs around my waist. This made me remember something Bodie said when we first saw her at the diner. 'Damn, those are the kinda legs you want wrapped around your waist, and up against a wall.' I smirked at this and grabbed the side of her underwear and ripped them off of her. She pulled back a little.

"Those were expensive." she told me breathlessly.

"Well, now they're worthless." She smiled. I undid my belt and pulled myself out from my boxers and slammed into her. She scream out and I covered her mouth with my hand. I pumped harder and faster. All I could hear is her muffled screams of pleasure and my own grunts coming from my mouth. She moved my hand from her mouth and pulled me in for a kiss. I obliged and kissed her back. Sex never got boring with her. Even if it was just plain old sex, it was amazing. I could see it in her eyes as I thrust into that it was getting to be more than just sex. I felt it to. But it couldn't happen. I couldn't risk her. She threw her head back and moan my name over and over again. God it never sounded so good. I cold feel her tighten around me and I thrust faster. I came right after she did. I put her on her feet and fixed myself. I lit a cigarette and looked at her. She had the same look on her face ad I did on mine. It was getting out of hand quick.

"You know what's gotta happen? " I asked her. She put her head in her hands and nodded her head.

"Yes. It's gotta stop. It's more than it should be. I'm not you're girl anymore." I pulled her up and hugged her, kissed the top of her head and left.

**I love you  
But I gotta stay true  
My moral's got me on my knees  
I'm begging please  
Stop playing games**

I don't know what this is  
But you got me good  
Just like you knew you would  
I don't know what you do  
But you do it well  
I'm under your spell

You got me begging you for mercy  
Why won't you release me  
You got me begging you for mercy  
Why won't you release me I said you better release me

Now you think that I  
Will be something on the side  
But you got to understand  
That I need a man  
Who can take my hand, yes I do

I don't know what this is  
But you got me good  
Just like you knew you would  
I don't know what you do  
But you do it well  
I'm under your spell

You got me begging you for mercy  
Why won't you release me  
You got me begging you for mercy  
Why won't you release me  
I said you better release me

I'm begging you for mercy  
Just why won't you release me  
I'm begging you for mercy  
You got me begging  
You got me begging  
You got me begging

Mercy,  
Why won't you release me  
I'm begging you for mercy  
Why wont you release me  
You got me begging you for mercy  
I'm begging you for mercy  
I'm begging you for mercy  
I'm begging you for mercy  
I'm begging you for mercy  
Why won't you release me  
Break it down

Mercy  
Begging you for mercy  
You got me begging  
Down on my knees  
I said mercy  
Begging you for mercy  
You got me begging

I walked inside four Roses and saw Leslie. I drug her outside to the car just in time to see Vanessa get in some guys car. I threw Les in the car and drove to my house. She wasted no time getting undressed. I kissed her, trying to forget Vanessa. It wasn't the same. Vanessa was sweet, Les was...not. I couldn't even bring myself to a full orgasm. The sounds she made, made me want to get sick. She didn't even feel right. Her skin was all rough from the times she'd been around. This was gonna be more difficult than I expected.

_**End Billy's POV**_

I pulled myself up from my spot on the ground and walked out the alley. I dialed the last number called.

"Hello, Vanessa?" the voice asked.

"Hey, that offer still available?" I asked sweetly.

"You bet. Where you at?" About 20 minutes later Markus pulled up. Before I got in I saw Billy with Leslie. We drove back to his house. He wasted no time getting me up to the bedroom. He smirked when he saw I wasn't wearing underwear. If he only knew. It wasn't the same. I wasn't the same. I didn't enjoy it. I hated it. His touch made me ill. His breath on my skin was irritating. He didn't even fill me like Billy did. Billy was so much better. I didn't even climax. This was gonna be harder than I thought.

Song: Mercy by Duffy


	6. A Hotter Touch, A Better Fck

It was three days before my graduation. The three weeks had gone by relatively slow. Painfully slow. I hadn't really talked to Billy since that night. I saw him on occasion and when I did we barely looked at each other. I was still with Markus and he was still with Leslie. Me and Heather were moving in to our place in a week. We were excited. We had already painted all the rooms. There were three bedrooms, two bathrooms, a kitchen, living, and dining room. It was so nice. She was very helpful with mine and Billy's situation. She tried to keep us separated as did everyone else. But one night Markus decided to cause trouble and go somewhere he didn't belong. Four Roses.

That night was supposed to be a little celebration for me and my graduation. Heather was having it at the bar. Billy was going to be there but we could stay away. It would be fine. Besides I had the rest of the boys to keep me company. I got dressed in a black baby-doll dress with a white bow that wrapped around under my chest and tied in the back. I had black heels on. My hair was down but curly. It was pushed out of my face by a three-inch hair white hair band. And I had big black and white hoop earrings in. I looked good. I told Markus that I was sick that night and I thought he bought it. We had been at the bar for about an hour and were having a good time. Everyone was happy and content and then Markus walked through the door. Billy was fuming as he watched him walk over to me and kiss a nasty kiss on my lips. He was trashed and probably high.

"Markus! What are you doing?" I hissed at him pushing him off me.

"You said you were sick but I followed you. What are you doing here?" he asked almost tripping over his own feet.

"It's my pre-graduation party. Invitation only." I started to raise my voice. Everyone was looking by now.

"Well, I'm your fucking man! Shouldn't I have been the first on the list. Huh?!" he yelled pushing me. Bodie got up to do something but Billy held him back.

"Markus! Get out now. Your wasted. We'll talk tomorrow." he shook his head and grabbed my arm tightly.

"You're a slut! Who are you fucking in here? Is that why you lied? Get in the car, you filthy bitch." he yelled at me pushing me toward the door.

"Go fuck yourself. You get out, NOW! Don't ever come back here or around me again." He tried to jump toward me but Bodie and Joe grabbed him and threw him outside. Tears welded up in my eyes and I ran out the back door. A few minutes later I heard the door open and heavy footsteps. I looked up and saw Billy.

**Cover up with make up in the mirror  
Tell yourself it's never gonna happen again  
You cry alone and then he swears he loves you.**

"What?" I asked him. He yanked me up by my hair and threw me against the wall. He got in my face and screamed at me.

"What the hell was that? You bring him in her to try to make me jealous?!"

**Do you feel like a man  
When you push her around?  
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?  
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end  
As your lies crumble down, a new life she has found.**

"What? You're kidding me, right? I didn't want him here. He followed me!" I screamed just as loud. People started to pour out the back door to see what the commotion was all about.

"You lying bitch! I knew what you were doing. But guess what? It didn't fucking work!" he spat in my face. Bodie was looking like he wanted to step up but was too afraid.

**A pebble in the water makes a ripple effect  
Every action in this world will bear a consequence  
If you wade around forever you will surely drown  
I see what's going down.**

"Billy...I...I swear. I didn't...didn't plan this. I wouldn't dare...bring him here." I had stopped yelling and was now sobbing with tears running down my face. I saw Leslie out the corner of my eye. Even she looked worried. By now people were slowly walking up trying to tell him to let me go. With each step they took his grip on my neck got tighter. I almost couldn't breath.

**I see the way you go and say your right again,  
Say your right again  
Heed my lecture**

"Liar. He was right. You're nothing but a nasty filthy whore." I looked up at him shocked. All pain and sadness went out the window and was replaced with anger. I pushed him hard. He stumbled a bit. I pushed him again and hit his chest as I yelled at him.

**Do you feel like a man  
When you push her around?  
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?  
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end  
As your lies crumble down a new life she has found.**

"I am not! Look at you. You're a pathetic excuse for a man. You're shit! I thought you were better. I thought you were a real man. You're not!! You're a little boy in a big man's world. You're nothing. You're no fucking better than you're lowlife dead beat father." Billy's hand came hard across my face sending me to the ground and almost knocked out. Heather and Leslie of all people ran over to me. Bodie and Joe grabbed Billy and held him back as he tried to come after me again.

**  
Face down in the dirt she says, this doesn't hurt she says I finally had enough..  
Face down in the dirt she says, this doesn't hurt she says I finally had enough..  
One day she will tell you that she has had enough  
Its coming round again.**

"You know nothing! You don't know me! You better be glad you're not dead, you bitch!" he yelled as they drug him away. Heather and Leslie picked me up and took me to my car. Heather drove as Les sat in the back with me. Baggy was following in Heather's car so they would have a way back.

**Do you feel like a man, when you push her around?  
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?  
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end  
As your lies crumble down, a new life she has.**

**Do you feel like a man, when you push her around?  
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?  
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end  
As your lies crumble down, a new life she has found.**

Face down in the dirt she says, this doesn't hurt she says I finally had enough..

Les wiped the tears off of my cheeks and rubbed my head as I cried on my bed.

"I can't believe he hit me. He called me a whore. Les, I know you hate me but trust me...I'm not a whore. I'm not like that. I didn't want Markus there. Hell! I didn't want Markus." I sobbed into her lap as Heather came back with a bottle of water.

"Shhhhh...I don't hate you. I'm jealous of you." Les said. "I saw how Billy looked at you. He actually cared about you. I wanted that." she said. She apologized for what she did in the past. WE talked and I cried more. They both ended up staying, Baggy did too.

The next morning after they had all left I went to take a shower. I got undressed and looked at my reflection before I got in. I had a deep purple and blue bruise the size of Billy's fist. I stepped into the shower and let the water run down my body. It felt as if everything was being washed away. I started crying again. I leaned against the wall and slowly slid down. What had I done? What did I do to deserve this? I sobbed and cried and screamed to myself until the water turned cold. I stepped out and got dressed in some sweats and a t-shirt. I laid in bed for the rest of the day. Ignoring all calls. Not talking to anyone. I even had my mom concerned. I had locked myself in my room so she didn't see the bruise but I knew eventually I'd have to come out. One thing was for sure. I couldn't go to graduation.

Speaking of graduation. I didn't go. I still got my diploma and me and Heather moved in the day after. The boys helped out, excluding Billy. Even Leslie had helped. We had talked more about what happened. She was trying to clean herself up. She told me they day we were moving that she had broken up with him.

"Why?" I asked kinda surprised.

"Because he hit you! He'd totally hit me."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"He doesn't care for me, he cares for you. So if he hit you, what would stop him from hitting me." she said.

"Because it was an accident!" Joe snapped from behind us. Leslie rolled her eyes. I looked at him. He nodded his head and went back to work. Accident or not. He hit me. There's no excuse for that. We finished moving in decided to the bar to have a few drinks, with the exception of me. Not because of Billy but I had to be the klutz and fell of my boxes and sprained my ankle. I stayed and about an hour later I had a knock on my door. I thought maybe it was one of the guys, so I yelled to them that it was unlocked. I turned around to see who it was and it was one of the boys. It was just Billy. Alone. Smelling of nothing but smoke and whiskey.

"What do you want?" I asked softly trying to shake the fear from my head. He stood there and stared at me. He looked me in the eyes and I watched as they traveled down to the bruise he lft me. I turned my head so he couldn't see it. His eyes dropped and looked almost sad.

"Leslie broke up with me." I nodded. "She said she didn't wanna be with a wife beater. She also said that if I hit some I actually cared about, she didn't want to think what I would do to her." I nodded again. "Are you gonna fucking say something?" he asked getting angry.

"Yeah...get out." I said softly turning my head back up to him so he could see my tears. For a second I thought I could see a tear starting to form but he turned around and walked away. He paused at eh door.

"I just cam over to say I'm sorry for hitting you. I shouldn't have done that but I was pissed."

"We both were. We both said things we didn't mean that night. But it's over. We're done. That's that." He turned to look at me once more. The anger had returned and he stormed off. Part of me wanted to go after him but the other part told me to stay. Let him realize it. Let him go through what I've been going through. And I did. A few days passed and everyone was invited to our house warming party. Yes, even Billy. About 20 people were there and I was already a little tipsy. I had to be. Billy was all over some chick on MY couch. That's okay because I was with some guy in the corner.

**Is it still me that makes you sweat?  
Am I who you think about in bed?  
When the lights are dim and your hands are shaking as you're sliding off your dress?  
Then think of what you did  
And how I hope to God he was worth it.**

I knew Billy was watching me. I ran my finger down the guys chest to his belt buckle. He tilted his head and smiled. He traced invisible lines on my face and I leaned up to kiss him. I had to admit he was a good kisser. I parted my lips to let him deepen it and I could feel Billy burning holes in my back. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he lightly pushed me against the wall. As his hands were finding there way up my shirt he was abruptly pulled away. Billy had grabbed his shoulder and yanked him off me and as he turned to face Billy he was met with a fist. He fell to the floor and everyone stopped to stare. I wanted to smile because I had gotten the best of him but I wasn't letting him get off this easy.

**When the lights are dim and your heart is racing as your fingers touch his skin.  
I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck  
Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me  
Girl I was it, look past the sweat, a better love deserving of  
Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat?  
No, no, no, you know it will always just be me**

"What the FUCK?!" I yelled at him as I leaned down to help up Billy's victim. His face was...well broken. Billy then snatched me up by the arm and drug me out into the hall. He stopped and looked at me.

"I saved you!" he yelled at me. I was shocked.

**Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster  
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,  
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?  
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,  
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?**

"From what? A good time?" I yelled back just as loud. He fumed even more and looked around as people had followed us. He yanked me into the elevator and pushed the up button. After a few second he pressed the emergency stop button.

**So I guess we're back to us, oh cameraman, swing the focus  
In case I lost my train of thought, where was it that we last left off?(Let's pick up, pick up)**

**Oh now I do recall, we were just getting to the part  
Where the shock sets in, and the stomach acid finds a new way to make you get sick.  
I hope you didn't expect that you'd get all of the attention.  
Now let's not get selfish  
Did you really think I'd let you kill this chorus?  
**

"You think you'd have a good time with that bozo?" he continued to yell at me. I stood up straight and crossed my arms.

"Yes. Haven't had a good fuck in forever. Years even." I spat looking at him in the eyes. He balled up his fists. "What you gonna hit me again Billy?" I hissed at him. He grabbed my arms and threw me against the wall. I screamed out in pain. He put a hand over my mouth and whispered harshly in my ear.

**Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster  
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,  
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?  
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,  
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?**

"You think he'd be better than me? You think Markus was better than me? You think they can fill you lie I do? They can fuck you, like I do? Huh? They are nothing compared to me. You hear me? You were tired of all the boys, you wanted a man and you got one. Now you wanna backtrack?"

**I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck  
Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me  
Girl I was it, look past the sweat, a better love deserving of  
Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat?  
No, no, no, you know it will always just be me**

"What makes you think you're a man, Billy? What makes you think Markus didn't give it to me better than you?" I asked him seductively. He smirked.

"Because you're here with me. Not them."

**Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster  
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,  
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?  
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,  
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?**

"That's because you went all ape shit on them." I told him. As if it were even possible, he got madder.

"So if I didn't you wouldn't be here?" he asked. I shook my head. He tightened his grip on me. He looked as if he were gonna hit me again but instead...

**So testosterone boys and harlequin girls  
Dance to this beat  
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls  
Dance to this beat  
And hold a lover close  
Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster  
Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster**

Songs: Face Down by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus and Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking her Clothes Off by Panic At The Disco


	7. Sorry

God knows I wanted to hit her but I didn't. Instead I crashed my lips onto hers. I kissed her with force gripping her hips. She kissed me back not wanting to resist. When she opened her mouth to my tongue I ran my hands her to her neck and held her face. She gripped the shirt on my chest. I kissed her neck and bit down not so softly. I started to life up her shirt and she raised her arms to help me. As soon as the fabric left her skin my lips replaced it. Planting kisses all over her chest and nipping at her through her bra. I undid the clasp to her bra and let it fall.

**Just hear me out  
If it's not perfect I'll perfect it till my heart explodes  
I highly doubt  
I can make it through another of your episodes  
Lashing out  
One of the pretty moves you pull before you lose control  
You wear me outwhoaa ohh  
But it's all right now**

I stared for a moment, I had almost for got how beautiful she was. I hadn't been with her in weeks and it felt like I was going to die. I returned to her chest and licked and sucked at her breast. She tugged at the him of my shirt and I pulled back to take it off. Her hands ran up and down my chest as she kissed me. It wasn't as hungry as the first but it was hotter. Desperate almost. I pulled her closer to me wanting to feel her smooth skin on mine. She moaned as I traced an invisible path down her neck, between her breasts and down her stomach to her jeans. I hooked a finger in her jeans and started to unzip her jeans. I kneeled down to pull them off of her.

**Lets go home and get stoned  
We could end up makin love instead of misery  
Go home and get stoned  
Cause the sex is so much better when you're mad at me  
You wear me out (We could end up making love instead of misery)  
But it's all right now**

After I had them off, I made my way back up kissing her legs. When I got higher I pushed her legs apart and nibbled on the inside of her thigh. She let out of low moan and clawed at my shoulders. I pulled her panties down and threw them to the side. I slid my hand in between her legs and brushed my fingers across her opening.

"Billy...please..." she begged. I smiled and slid one finger in. I moved slowly and she begged more. "No...please Billy...I need you..inside me."

**Without a doubt  
All the break-ups is worth the make up sex you're givin me  
Lets hash it out  
Cause your bitchin and your yellin don't mean anything  
Don't count me out  
I can handle all the baggage that you're carrying  
You wear me out(whoa ohh)But it's all right now**

I slid one more finger in. I was getting my payback. I sped up a little and she let out a shriek as my tongue found its way to her. I continued to lick and move my fingers until I couldn't take it any longer. I wanted her bad. Even though I wanted to torture her, it wasn't worth torturing myself. I stood back up and took her face in my hands and kissed her. She grabbed my arms and turned me to push me against the wall. She began to unbuckle my belt. She started to undo my jeans and pulled them down. I pushed them the rest of the way. I turned back and pushed her against the wall again. I picked her up and she wrapped her legs around my waist. I grabbed her hips and looked at her for a moment. Before I entered her. I kissed her. I kissed her soft and gentle. It wasn't full of lust, or anger or even desperation. It was nothing but love. Pure unadulterated love. I pulled back and rested my head against hers and entered her. I looked at her and saw nothing but pleasure spread across her face. I moved slowly at first and started to speed up. The looks on her face making me want it more. She moaned in pleasure.

**Let's go home and get stoned  
We could end up makin love instead of misery  
Go home and get stoned  
Cause the sex is so much better when you're mad at me  
You wear me out (We could end up makin love instead of misery)  
But it's alright now**

"Oh Billy...hummm..."

"God I've missed you..." I growled in her ear. She smiled and pulled me in for a kiss. I quickened my pace and thrust into her harder. We moaned and moved together. Enjoying every minute of it. Not wanting it to end. But I knew it would be soon as she started to tighten around me.

**Let's go home and get stoned  
We could end up makin love instead of misery  
Go home and get stoned  
Cause the sex is so much better when you're mad at me  
Go home and get stoned  
We could end up making love instead of misery  
Go home and get stoned  
Cause the sex is so much better when you're mad at me **

"Billy...ummm...god..." she moaned and tightened her grip on my back. I moved faster and gripped her hips. I thrust into her over and over again, mesmerized by the sounds coming from her full lips. She tightened around me and she pulled me in further as she came. I moved for a few more minutes and let myself go. We panted and fixed ourselves. We slowly slid onto the floor to catch our breaths. I got up to push the stop button again and we started moving again.

**You wear me out  
(We could end up makin love instead of misery)  
But it's all right now(Cause the sex is so much better when you're mad at me)  
Let's go home and get stoned  
WooOooO  
Lets go home and get stoned  
WooOooO  
Lets go home and get stoned  
wooOooO  
Lets go home and get stoned**

When we came back to her floor the door opened to reveal Bodie, Joe, Heather and a repair man. We stepped out smiling. Bodie and Joe had knowing grins and Heather looked slightly flustered.

"Must have been a kink." I said to the repair man and he walked off, also wearing a knowing grin on his face. We walked back to the apartment and before we walked in I stopped her.

"What?" she asked confused. I smiled and kissed her again. She smiled when I pulled back. "So what's this mean?" she asked.

"Let's talk about that tomorrow, ok? Let's just party tonight." she nodded and we walked in.

"So you guys wanna leave so we can break in the rest of the house and building?" I asked. Everyone laughed and we continued our little get together just the five of us.

I woke up the next morning and looked over to see Vanessa sleeping next to me. Her bedroom looked more mature than her old one. But she was growing up. She'd be 19 in a few weeks. Shit! Her birthday. I looked over at her phoned and grabbed it. It was June 24th and her birthday was August 2nd. I had to do something. I figured I'd talk to Heather about it later. I got up trying not to disturb her. I threw on my pants and walked out the door. Heather was already up but from the looks of it, she hadn't been up too long.

"Hey." she said in a whisper. I looked into the living room to see Bodie and Joe sleeping. I sat down and lit a cigarette.

"Morning."

"You better not hurt her again." she said suddenly. I looked down and nodded. "I can tell you didn't mean it but don't do it again. That's not you, Billy."

"I know. Listen, her birthday is coming up. I wanna do something. Think you can help me out." She looked up at me and smiled. We talked for about 30 minutes on what I wanted to do.

"Okay so I was thinking we could shut the bar down one night and have it there. Let you decorate and stuff. We'd get a cake. Ummm I dunno I just wanna have a nice little party for her. Have all the boys there. No drama, no sells, no Bonez, just us having a good time."

"Sounds good. She'd like that. Are you going to get her anything?" she asked me. I paused.

"I want to. But I don't know what to get her. I've never bought a present for anyone in my life." She smiled.

"I'll help you. I'll talk to her and she what she wants and we'll get her something." WE talked for a few more minutes until I heard footsteps in the hall. Vanessa poked her head around the corner and smiled at me.

"Morning. Whatcha doing?" she asked as she walked over and sat in my lap and laid her head on my shoulder. I kissed her head and told her we were talking about sports.

"You don't watch sports, Billy." she said laughing.

"Okay, we were talking about the apartment. It looks good." I said looking around. She looked at me and started to frown but smiled instead.

"Ok so you're lying but I'm too tired to fight it. It does look good. I like it."

"Hey, baby?" she looked up at me. "Remember that day at your house? Ya know school uniform, amazing sex?" she nodded and smiled. "Remember you cooking me breakfast?" She nodded. "Well, you mind doing it again because I'm starving."

"Us too." Bodie and Joe said walking into the kitchen.

"Yes, I will make you guys and girl breakfast. But get outta here. You're crowding me space." she said. Everyone piled out and turned on the tv. I stayed and looked at her.

"I sad out, Darley." she said waving a fork at me. I smiled and walked over to her. I put my hands on her hips and looked in her eyes. She smiled and wrapped her arms around my neck. I put my forehead on hers and closed my eyes.

**Will you listen to my story?  
It'll just be a minute  
How can I explain?**

**What ever happened here  
Never meant to hurt you  
How could I cause you so much pain?**

"Im sorry." I whispered. I thought she couldn't hear me at first.

"For what?" she asked just as soft.

"For hitting you. For yelling at you. For being an ass. For being me. For ruining you graduation. For calling you a whore. For everything."

**When I say I'm sorry  
Will you believe me?Listen to my story  
Say you wont leave me  
When I say I'm sorry  
Can you forgive me?  
When I say I'll always be there  
Will you believe  
Will you believe me?**

"I know. It's ok."

No it's not Vanessa. Doing that made you right. I was like him. Like Bonez. I don't wanna be him. I'm not him. You know that right?"

"I know. I'm sorry to. You're nothing like him. At all. You'll never be him. I was mad and hurt."

**All the words that I come up with  
They're like gasoline on flames  
There's no excuse  
No explanation  
Believe me  
If I could I'd undo what I did wrong  
I'd give away all that I own**

"I know. Me too. I tried so hard to push you out of my head but it wouldn't work. I killed me to see those guys look at you and knowing that they...touched you. That they had you and I didn't. It killed me."

"I know. I hated being with them. I hated seeing you with Leslie." I nodded and kissed her forehead. I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her.

**When I say I'm sorry  
Will you believe me?  
Listen to my story  
Say you wont leave me  
When I say I'm sorry  
Can you forgive me?  
When I say I'll always be there  
Will you believe  
Will you believe me?**

"I promise you that I will never hit you again. I will never call you names like that because you're better than that. And I promise you will never have to see me with another girl. I will never leave you, okay? I promise. And I know some might not believe I ca keep it but I will. For you, I will."

She pulled back and I saw tears. I smiled and wiped them away.

"Are we really gonna do this, Billy? Because I'm telling you right now...Don't talk about feelings if they're not really there, don't hold my hand if you're just gonna break my heart, never say you will when you don't plan on starting, don't look into my eyes if you're only gonna lie, don't say hello if it's gonna end with goodbye, if you mean forever just say you'll try and don't say you love me if you're just gonna make me cry. I can't take that." I nodded and kissed her again.

**If I told you  
I've been cleaning my soul  
And if I promised you  
I'll regain control  
Will you open your door  
And let me in?  
Take me for who I am  
And not for who I've been?  
Who I've been...**

"I won't. I promise. Trust me, okay? I trust you. I believe you. Vanessa..." I paused. "I think I love you."

"I do trust you." she said and then looked up at me. "Would it make you feel better if I told you that I though I was in love with you too?"

**When I say I'm sorry  
Will you believe me?  
Listen to my story  
Say you wont leave me  
When I say I'm sorry  
Can you forgive me?  
When I say I'll always be there  
Will you believe?**

"Yes. Yes it would." I laughed. I brought her up to kiss her. This felt good. It felt okay. For once I was happy.

**When I say I'm sorry  
(When I say I'm sorry)  
When I say I'm sorry  
(When I say I'm sorry)  
When I say I'm sorry  
Can you forgive me?  
When I say I'll always be there  
Will you believe?**

"Now make me breakfast!" I said laughing and she slapped my arm.

Songs: Get Stoned by Hinder and Sorry by Daughtry


	8. Untouched Riot

About three weeks had passed and so far me and Billy were doing good. He was staying with me more than ever but Heather didn't mind. My birthday was almost two weeks away and I was excited. All of my other birthday's had been with my old friends. We had always spent a lot of money and gone ridiculously overboard. This year was going to be different. I wanted a simple birthday. Heather, Billy and the boys. That's it. Only thing is I don't even know if they knew my birthday is coming up.

"So Heather...what's up?" I asked sitting on the couch one morning.

"Nothing. Why?" she asked confused.

"Nothing." I replied. We were quite and then at the same time both busted out...

"I know you're birthday's in two weeks."

"My birthday is in two weeks."

We stopped and burst out laughing.

"Yeah I know. Billy and the boys know too. We won't forget." she said. I nodded and jumped as the door burst open. And through it came a fuming Billy Darley. Oh there was smoke but it wasn't from the cigarette in his mouth. You could practically see it coming from his ears.

"Billy, what's wrong?" I yelled to him as he stormed right past us and into my bedroom. "I'll be right back." I got up and slowly walked into my room. I opened the door and Billy was on the edge of my bed, his head in his hands. He was taking deep breaths trying to calm down. I said nothing. I walked over to the bed and crawled up behind him on me knees. I started rubbing his shoulders and when he relaxed a few minutes later I laid my head on his shoulder and wrapped my arms around his chest. "Talk to me, babe." I said softly. He was quiet for a moment but then spoke up.

"Heco. That dumb bastard fucked up and put us in the hole nearly two grand! And Bonez is gonna have my ass because it was supposed to be me that night. It was a big deal and I do all the big deals. But I sent Heco instead." he said as calmly as he could. He had tried so hard not to yell at me these past few weeks. I learned when to talk and when to hush. He knew when to talk and when to go for a walk.

"When did this happen and why did you send Heco?" I asked him as I resumed rubbing his shoulders. He tensed and didn't answer. "Billy."

"Last night. I sent him because I was wanted to be with you." he said softly. I stopped and sat beside him.

"Billy, I told you this already..." he cut me off

"Yeah I know...you understand if I have to go. You don't care. Its my job. But I wanted to be with you last night. I thought it would be okay. And now Bonez is after my head." He said raising his voice slightly.

"I'm sorry." I said. He looked at me and pulled my arm until I was in his lap looking at him.

**I go ooh ooh, you go ah ah  
lalalalalalalala  
**

"You have nothing to be sorry about. I'll tell him I'll pay for it. It was a mistake. He'll get over it. Ok?" I nodded and he put his hand under my chin. I looked up and he was smiling. I tried not to but I smiled anyway. I leaned in and kissed him. He kissed me back and wrapped his arms around me. I opened my mouth to let him in and we deepened the kiss. He left my lips to kiss right below my ear. He nibbled gently and I started pulling his shirt up. He raised his arms to help me and he held me tight to move us farther onto my bed. He laid back as I kissed my way down to his neck. He was one gorgeous man. His chest so firm yet smooth to the touch. I kissed my way down and undid his pants. I grabbed them by the ends and pulled them off.

**lalalalalalalala  
I wanna wanna wanna get get get what I want  
Don't stop  
Give me give me give me what you got got  
Cause I can't wait wait wait any more more more more  
Don't even talk about the consequence  
Cause right now you're the only thing that's making any sense to me  
And I don't give a damn what they say, what they think think  
Cause you're the only one who's on my mind  
I'll never ever let you leave me  
I'll try to stop time for ever, never wanna hear you say goodbye (bye bye bye)**

"Now, you have an unfair advantage here." He said pointing to all my clothes that were still on my body. I smiled at him and took my shirt off. He smiled."Keep going..." I shook my head and leaned up to kiss him. He tried to reach for my pants when I jumped off the bed and ran into the bathroom connected to my room. I started the shower and quickly got undressed. I jumped in as I heard Billy come into the bathroom. I heard him laugh and I peeked out the shower to see him leaning against the sink. Clad only in boxers.

"Well...you gonna join me? Or do I have to get someone else?" I teased. He shook his head and took off his boxers and stepped in behind me.

**I feel so untouched  
And I want you so much  
That I just can't resist you  
It's not enough to say that I miss you  
I feel so untouched right now  
Need you so much somehow  
I can't forget you  
I've gone crazy from the moment I met you**

UntouchedAnd I need you so much

"You better not have any other guys showering with you." he said trying to act mean. I laughed and pulled him under the water. He stood there for a minute closing his eyes to let the water relax him. I was entranced at the water drops that would fall on his head and make their way down his nicely toned body. I couldn't stop myself from smiling when he opened one eye and looked at me.

"Quit. Didn't you know it's not nice to stare." he joked. I smiled and stepped up to him and kissed him. He returned the kiss without hesitation. He ran his hands down my slippery body and pushed me against the wall. We kissed for a few more minutes until he pulled back.

**See you, breathe you, I want to be you  
Alalalala alalalala  
You can take take take take take time time  
To live live the way you gotta gotta live your life  
Give me give me give me all of you you  
Don't be scared  
I'll see you through the loneliness of one more more more  
Don't even think about what's right or wrong, wrong or right  
'Cause in the end it's only you and me and no one else is gonna be around  
To answer all the questions left behind  
And you and I are meant to be so even if the world falls down today  
You've still got me to hold you up up  
And I will never let you down (down)**

"Turn around. Bend over and put your hands on the wall." Was all he said. I looked shocked. He smiled and turned me around and positioned me himself. I barely had time to protest before I felt him slam into me. I screamed and knew that the people in th house could hear. Billy clamped one hand over my mouth and kept thrusting into me. He had the other arm wrapped around my waist to hold me still. He leaned over and kissed the back of my neck and slowly removed his hand. I moaned out loud but not too loud.

**I feel so untouched  
And I want you so much  
That I just can't resist you  
It's not enough to say that I miss you  
I feel so untouched right now  
Need you so much somehow  
I can't forget you  
I've gone crazy from the moment I met you**

Untouched, untouched, untouched, untouched, untouched  
Alalalala alalalala  
Untouched  
Alalalala alalalala

He leaned back up and gripped my hips. He thrust harder and faster. I felt my knees start to go weak but Billy held me up with one arm. I felt myself coming closer and closer. I repeated Billy's name over and over again until I came. He continued to thrust and slipped one hand in front of me an between my legs. I muffled a scream and I felt myself coming again. A few moments later with one final thrust he reached his goal. He waited a minute before pulling out. He turned me around and hugged me, mailing for support.

**I feel so untouched  
And I want you so much  
That I just can't resist you  
It's not enough to say that I miss you  
I feel so untouched right now  
Need you so much somehow  
I can't forget you  
I've gone crazy from the moment I met you**

"Well, that was quite a shower, Darley. Probably the best I've had." I said. He looked down at me.

"Probably?"

"I don't wanna boost your ego." I declared. He laughed and we washed and got out. When we got out I heard something.

**I feel so untouched  
And I want you so much  
That I just can't resist you  
It's not enough to say that I miss you  
I feel so untouched right now  
Need you so much somehow  
I can't forget you  
I've gone crazy from the moment I met you**

Untouched, untouched, untouched

"I think your pants are ringing." I told him. He picked up his jeans and got out his phone. His face hardened.

"Yeah...I know...Alright...I'm on my way." he hung up and looked at me. I smiled softly. He pulled me into a hug and left. I stood there for a moment and walked out.

_**Billy's POV**_

I got out and walked into the shop. I opened the office door and saw Bonez sitting there.

"So you some lousy excuse for me?" he asked not looking up from cleaning a gun.

"No."

"Well, you betta give me somthin' or I'm gonna hafta clean this gun again."

"It was a mistake. I got the money now." I said and threw the money on the desk. He looked up and counted it.

"Alright." I started to walk away. "That's a nice girl you got." I froze. He shouldn't know about her.

"What?" I asked trying to keep cool.

"Aw come on. Talk to ya old man about ya slut. Or do I gotta refresh your memory. Names Vanessa. Legs that go on for miles. Just outta high school. Lives with one of your minions sister. Ringing any bells, Billy?" he asked with a sadistic smile. "Bet those legs feel good around your waist, huh?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." I said barely keeping my cool.

"You better keep her hidden. People know about her. They know about you two. You fuck up and they might take her instead of you. And boy I don't even wanna think of what they would do to her pretty face. Leave." I walked out and ran to the car. I had to warn the guys to look out for Vanessa when I couldn't We were to stay on our toes and be alert.

**If you feel so empty  
So used up, so let down  
If you feel so angry  
So ripped off so stepped on  
You're not the only one  
Refusing to back down  
You're not the only one  
So get up**

Let's start a riot, a riot  
Let's start a riot  
Let's start a riot, a riot  
Let's start a riot

If you feel so filthy  
So dirty so fucked up  
If you feel so walked on  
So painful so pissed off  
You're not the only one  
Refusing to go down  
You're not the only one  
So get up  
Let's start a riot, a riot  
Let's start a riot  
Let's start a riot, a riot  
Let's start a riot

If you feel so empty  
So used up, so let down  
If you feel so angry  
Just get up

Let's start a riot, a riot  
Let's start a riot  
Let's start a riot, a riot  
Let's start a riot

_**Nobody' POV**_

The phone rang and the heavily tattooed man picked up the phone.

"Yeah." he asked.

"I gotta job for you. Getting back Billy Darley." said the person on the other line.

"Yeah. What is it?"

"The girl. Get the girl." He hung up and blew out the smoke and smiled. He looked at his boys. "Let's get her."

Song: Untouched by The Veronicas and Riot by Three Days Grace


	9. World So Cold

_**

* * *

**_

Billy's POV

I called all the boys and told them to meet me at Four Roses. They were already there when I got pulled up. I walked straight to the back and paced in front of the table.

"What's wrong, dude?" Bodie asked.

"Bonez."

"I'm sorry about last night man. Take it out of my pay..." Heco said but Billy cut him off.

"I'm not fucking worried about you and or the fucking money. Bonez knows about Vanessa. He knows what she looks like. He knows that she's got me under her finger. Hell, he even told me that other gangs knew who she was. And she I needed to be careful because if I fucked up, they wouldn't come after me. No, they's go after Nessa." I yelled at them. The whole bar was silent. "Now, we are to be kept up to pace. On our toes. I'm not giving no one a reason to give her a second thought. When she's not with me, she will be with one of you. Not just Heather. One of you will be with her, always." I stood there looking a them nodding. "Good. Now if want a pair of ears too. I want to know if someone is talking about her. I want to fucking know if they are thinking of her."

"Alright. We'll get ears and eyes out on the street. And keep eyes Vanessa. We got it. How 'bout you sit and have a drink or two?" Bodie said trying to calm me down. I knew he liked Vanessa. Not like that but he cared for her. He knew she was good for me. I nodded and sat down. I waved at the waitress and she brought over a tray of shots.

"Alright. Let's get drunk." I declared as we all picked up a shot glass and threw it back. We sat there talking and joking. I had a good time. But my mind was still on Vanessa. About 1:30 we called it a night and went our separate ways. I went to Vanessa's. It had become a habit almost. Joe didn't mind. He got he place to himself and got to have his girls over. I pulled up and walked in the building. I pulled out my set of keys and unlocked her door. I walked quietly to her bedroom and peeked in. She was sound asleep. Laying on her side of the bed. Mine still made up from when she made the bed this morning. That's one thing I had to love. She had a routine. She'd make the bed, make breakfast. It was eerily domestic but I liked it.

* * *

_**Vanessa's POV**_

After Billy left I watched a few hours of tv then I fell asleep. I was woken up by someone staring at me. I opened my eyes to see Billy peeking in my door. I smiled.

"You can come in, ya know?" he laughed softly. He laid down on the bed next to me. I could smell the whiskey coming from his pores. He looked at me.

"You have fun?" I asked. He nodded. I could tell he was sleepy. "Get undressed and lay with me." I told him sitting him. He laid there for a moment. I laughed and started to pull his shirt off. He sat up and pulled it off the rest of the way. He looked at me with an evil smile.

**This is wrong  
I should be gone  
Yet here we lay  
'Cause I can't stay away**

Roses bloom  
In your dirty room  
I come to play  
'Cause I can't stay away  
No I can't stay away-ay

"No, Billy! You're about to pass out. Go to sleep." I said. He didn't listen. He crawled on top of me and grabbed my wrists with one hand and pinned them to the mattress above my head. "Billy...come on." I tried to fight it but when he reached under my night shirt and ripped my panties off. I lost it. Sure we've had sex since we've been together. But we haven't had the kinda sex we used to have when it was just that. Before it was nothing but pure drunken rough sex now it was more romantic. It was still good and rough but I hadn't had the drunken sex in awhile.

**I'm conflicted  
I inhale now I'm addicted  
To this place  
To you babe  
I can't stay away  
Can't stay away  
We get up, we go down  
Then we go one more round  
It's wrong, they say  
I can't stay a- I can't stay away  
No I can't stay a- I can't stay away**

Tonight that's all I wanted, its all he wanted. No sweet talk, just...fucking. He threw the fabric of my now useless underwear on the floor. He pulled my shirt up and I started to undo his jeans. He pulled them off and reached for a condom. He slid it on and was about to enter me when I pushed him on his bak and crawled on top of him. A huge grin spread across his face and I lowered myself on top of him. He moaned and gripped my hips. I started to move and rock my hips. That night lasted forever. He was drunk and my adrenaline was in overdrive. We finally finished around 4am and fell fast asleep.

**I was numb  
For you I come  
Night and day  
And I can't stay away  
No I can't stay away**

I was rudely awoken by a banging on my door.

"Quit banging on my door!" I yelled.

"Well, quit banging Billy as 4am and maybe you wouldn't still be asleep." Heather yelled back.

"I cant help it. He damn good as what he does. I just can resist." I heard Billy chuckle as he rolled over and wrapped his arms around me.

"Morning." he mumbled in my neck. I kissed his hand.

"Good morning. Sleep good?" he nodded and smile. "You hungry?"

**I'm conflicted  
I inhale now I'm addicted  
To this place  
To you babe  
I can't stay away  
Can't stay away  
We get up, we go down  
Then we go one more round  
It's wrong, they say  
I can't stay a- I can't stay away  
No I can't stay a- I can't stay away**

"When am I not?" I laughed and stood up. I forgot that I was naked but he didn't. He wrapped an arm around my waist and yanked me on to the bed. Before I knew it thrust into me.

"Oh god!" I couldn't help but scream out loud. He smiled and kept thrusting into me. I moaned and clawed at his back. His sudden aggression a complete turn on for me.

"Oh..Billy..." I moaned running my hands down his strong back. Oh the pleasure...I never wanted it to stop. He thrust faster and soon I couldn't take it anymore. He came moments after me and laid on my chest. I panted and looked down at him.

**I wish I could  
Leave and never return  
Baby, I know I should  
But for you I'd burn  
Stay away  
'Cause I can't stay away-ay**

"Ok you can go now." he said rolling off of me.

"But I cant move..." I whined. He laughed and pulled me closer to him.

**I'm conflicted  
I inhale now I'm addictedTo this place  
To you babe  
I can't stay away  
Can't stay away  
We get up, we go down  
Then we go one more round  
It's wrong, they say  
I can't stay a- I can't stay away  
No I can't stay a- I can't stay away**

When I could actually feel my body again I pulled myself out of Billy's grasp and got dressed. It was almost 1pm and Heather was watching tv.

"Bout time you got up? Heard you had another round?" She teased. I smiled and sat next to her.

"So what's up?" I asked. She shook her head.

"Not much. What do you want for your birthday?" she asked me.

"I don't know. Haven't really thought about it."

"Well, let me know because it's in less than two weeks and I need to know what to get you."

I nodded and we talked for a few more minutes until I heard Billy come out of the room. I knew he was about to leave. He had a hard expression and was dressed.

"I gotta go. I'll be back later. Be careful, ok?" he said way too seriously.

"Ok. I will." I told him. He kissed me softly and looked me in the eyes.

"I love you." I smiled widely.

"I love you, to." He smiled and left.

* * *

_**Billy's POV**_

As I walked out the door I looked over and saw Joe sitting in Heco's car. They were my eyes for the day. Bodie and Baggy were going around town to see what they can hear or see. I was off to see Bonez. I gave everyone else jobs so today was my day to make the sells. The day was pretty boring. No one said anything out of the ususal. Bodie and Baggy hadn't heard anything either. It was around 8 when I left Bonez's shop and called Joe. He hadn't called all day but I told him not to call unless something happened. When I called it kept ringing. I hung up and called Vanessa's phone. It rang a few times and someone answered but it wasn't Nessa or Heather.

"Hello, Billy."

"Who the fuck is this?!" I snapped.

* * *

_**Vanessa's POV**_

After Billy had left me and Heather decided to clean. And boy did we clean. We cleaned the living room, the kitchen, the three bed rooms, the bathrooms, we cleaned out the fridge and we did clothes.

"Damn! How did Billy get this many clothes over here?" I asked as I washed yet another load of Billy's clothes.

"Well, he must forget them when you rip them off and throw them in some obscene corner of the room." she teased. I nodded and smiled. "Do you mind though?"

"Nope, not at all." We finally finished around 6 that evening. We sat down to watch tv and about an hour later we heard a knock at the door.

"Did you have anyone coming over?" I asked as I walked over to the door. We knew how the boys knocked and they would usually yell too and Billy had a key. Heather shook her head and went back to watching tv. I opened the door slightly and saw two Asian men with tool boxes.

"Can I help you?" I asked.

"Yes, Sorry to bother you but the tenant upstairs has a problem with her A/C and we need to check the vents in your apartment. It won't take long I promise." One of the men said.

"You do calls this late?"

Well, we work for the building itself so we're on call 24/7. Makes more money working for ht actual building than it does for a company."

"Ok. Come in. Try not to mess anything up. Me and my roomie had spring cleaning today." I joked and let them in. They walked to the laundry room and I sat back down.

"Who are they?"

"Building maintenance. Lady above called them about her A/C." She nodded and we sat back to watch tv. A few moments later our power was off.

"Hey! What happened?" I felt a hand go around my throat and Heather muffled a scream.

"Nothing to worry your pretty little head about. Now let's see why Darley keeps you around." I tried fighting but he put a cloth over my nose and mouth. The last thing I remember is Heather trying to scream as the other man put the cloth over her face.

* * *

_**Billy's POV**_

I slammed on the brakes and pulled over.

"Now Billy. Keep that temper under control. You're little girlfriend wouldn't like you to be mad, now would she? Speaking of...She's quite a catch. Beautiful. Long tanned legs. Tiny slender body. Gorgeous. Heard she's good in bed too." the man said. The last part sent me boiling hot.

"You stay away from her. You hear me?"

"Oh I hear you but I cant do that. Ya see to get to you, I have to get to her. And she seems naive enough that it wont be that hard." he said. I pulled back onto the road an sped off to the apartment.

"You touch one hair on her body and ill kill you. You hear me?! I wont hesitate to gut you like the slimey fucking fish you are!"

"Oh be nice Billy. The nicer you are the longer she and her little friend will live." Damn it! He had Heather too. What the fuck happened to my eyes? Where's Joe and Heco?! I pulled up to where Heco's car was. I opened it to see Joe and Heco out like a light. Two clothes on their laps. Damn! I tried to wake them.

"Who the fuck are you? Be a man. Tell me!" I yelled at him.

"Sorry, Billy. No can do. Now be a good boy and go read the directions in your whore's apartment. Do what I say and you'll be able to hear her scream your name again."

"Let me talk to her." I said. I heard moving around. Then I heard Vanessa's voice.

"Billy...please...help me! Billy..." I heard a loud smack and she screamed again. My boiling point had been reached a long time ago but bow I was spilling over.

"Talk to you soon, Billy." He hung up. I stared at the phone and tried to wake Joe and Heco up. I was going to get her back. I was going to find out who took her because they, they just bought themselves a Death Sentence!

**It starts with pain  
Followed by hate  
Fueled by the endless questions  
No one can answer  
A stain  
Covers your heart  
Tears you apart just like a sleeping cancer**

Now I don't believe men are born to be killers  
I don't believe this world can't be saved  
How did you get here and when did it start  
An innocent child with a thorn in his heart

What kind of world to we live inWhere love is divided by hate  
Losing control of our feelings  
We all must be dreaming this life away  
In a world so cold

Are you sane? Where's the shame  
A moment of time passes by  
You cannot rewind  
Who's blame and where did it start  
Is there a cure for your sickness, have you no heart?

Now I don't believe men are born killers  
I don't believe the world can't be saved  
How did you get here and when did it start  
An innocent child with a thorn in his heart

What kind of world do we live in  
Where love is divided by hate  
Losing control of our feeling  
We're dreaming this life away

What kind of world do we live in  
Where love is divided by hate  
Selling our souls for no reason  
We all must be dreaming this life away  
In a world so cold

There's a sickness inside you that wants to escape  
It's a feeling you get when you can't find your way  
So how many times must you fall to your knees  
Never, never, never, never, never do this again

It starts with pain followed by hate  
Now I don't believe men are born to be killers  
And I don't believe this world can't be saved

What kind of world do we live in  
Where love is divided by hate  
Losing control of our feelings  
We're dreaming this life away

What kind of world do we live in  
Where love is divided by hate  
Selling our souls for no reason  
We all must be dreaming this life away  
In a world so cold  
In a world so cold

Songs: I Can't Stay Away by the Veronicas and World So Cold by 12 Stones


	10. Broken

_**Billy's POV**_

I walked into her apartment. I looked on the main wall where her tv had been. There in big bloody letter's was his message. He wanted nearly four grand in money and guns. How was I going to get four grand in money and drugs and what the hell did he want it for? I looked around the room and found two more clothes like the ones I'd found on Heco and Joe. How in the hell did they get in? Why would Vanessa or Heather let them in? The door's not damaged.

"What the hell happened?!" Baggy bellowed as he walked in and saw the mess. Then went pale as he saw the blood on the wall. "Where's Heather?"

"With Vanessa. But where that is I'm not sure. Joe and Heco were my eyes tonight but looks like whoever done this snuck up on them. He left me this and told me to obey or he'd...where can we get four grand in money and guns? Who's been looking for that?" I started rambling off questions. All were unanswered and it was pissing me off. Bodie walked over and patted my back.

"Calm down. We'll get them. Those girls won't get hurt. Let's try to get Joe and Heco up. I saw the clothes and they were loaded with chloroform. Now I talked to them at 7 and everything was ok." Bodie told me.

"We need to see if anyone saw anything. Go check with the neighbors." They looked at me funny. "Go. I don't care what time it is. The longer we sit on our asses the close my girl could be to being killed or worse. Now go knock on some fucking doors. Ill go check on Joe and Heco." I yelled walking out the door. I walked out and went to the car. Joe and Heco were starting to stir. I woke them up and they wouldn't stop apologizing as we walked to the apartment.

"Guys! Stop it. I don't want o hear it. You didn't ask them to kidnap them. And you didn't ask to be knocked out. So just shut up." I snapped. As we walked up Bodie and Baggy were opening the door.

"Well, the neighbors all saw two guys in maintenance uniforms walk through here. Then the lady next door heard the moving around but thought they were cleaning again. You couldn't tell bu they cleaned this whole apartment today. She saw nothing after that. But she said they were Asian." I nodded.

"So who's Asian and looking for loads of guns?" I asked. They shrugged. "You ain't heard nothing?" They shook their heads. "Well, looks like we got a good start."

"Billy, man..." Bodie started.

"No. Don't talk if you're just gonna give me a load of bullshit! I want her back! I want her back now! I want every hair on her head in tact when she does get back. And if I one is outta place, I swear to god, heads will roll. And whoever gets in my way will have theirs rolling too!"

* * *

_**Vanessa's POV**_

I woke up with a kink in my neck. On instinct my arms tried to go up to rub it but I found resistance. Then I remember what happened. I focused my eyes and looked around. I saw Heather still passed out. I saw her arm wrapped in a bandage an then I felt the pain in mine to. It was also bandaged.

"Good morning." I looked over to see a man in a mask.

"What do you want?" I asked softly. He laughed.

"I want your boyfriend dead."

"Why?"

"Because he's useless. He's nothing. He's better off dead."

"Shut the fuck up!" I screamed. He walked over and slapped me across the face.

"Don't yell at me bitch. You don't know who I am!"

"Apparently, a little boy in Billy Darley's world. Hiding behind a mask, you're nothing." I spat at him. He hit me again. I could taste blood in my mouth. Suddenly my phone rang and he answered it. I could tell it was Billy. They talked and then he put the phone to my ear. I tried to stay cal but hearing his voice made me loose it. I sobbed.

"Billy...please. Help me!" He took the phone away from me and then punched me hard in the face. I let out a wail. He hung up and laughed at me. I shook my head.

"You're gonna die. You know that? He's gonna find you, and he's gonna kill you. He's gonna watch you suffer and I'm gonna laugh...you sick son of a bitch!" I screamed at him. He leaned close and before he could reply I spat in his face.

"You fit right in with Darley, huh? You should have known that you'd be a target the moment you decided to lay in his bed and stand next to him. You knew it! So don't be naive."

"You just remember. I'm apart of Billy Darley. And there is no part of that man that isn't mean or willing to kill. That includes me." He stared at me and walked off.

"Ya know that's scary?" I looked over and saw Heather sit up.

"What?"

"You're like a pretty and female clone of Billy. It's kinda scary. No wonder he keeps you around." she joked. I laughed a little.

"You okay?" she nodded and asked me the same thing. "My jaw hurts but I'll be fine. We'll be fine. Billy will be here soon. I can feel it."

"I hope you're right." she said.

* * *

_**Nobody's POV**_

"We got her. Now we're waiting on Billy." the Asian man said into the phone.

"What did you ask him to get?" asked the voice on the other line,

"Four grand in guns and money."

"What?!"

"We need it. You want us to take him and his boys out?! Let us do this. We did what you said. We got the girl. She'll be gone soon."

"Yeah but you're never gonna get Billy and his boys."

"Watch me! You said if we get the girl we can do whatever. And we're gonna take out Billy Darley and take all his boys with him."

* * *

_**Billy's POV**_

After we talked to the neighbors we drove to the bar to fill in the rest of the rest fo the guys.

"I'm gonna go back to the apartment and get the video tape, see if I can get any faces. Joe will be with me. The rest of you go out and find something. Names. Who wants to get my head? Who's been looking for guns? Ask around carefully, not to any Asian gangs. If they're in on it they'll go tell and they might do something. Understood?" they all nodded and me and Joe went back to the apartment. We broke into the office door but we weren't alone.

"Oh shit!" the man said.

"No, I'm glad you're here. I need to see the video from a few hours ago. Third floor." I said not wanting to fight right now. He looked confused but nodded.

"What time?"

"Between 7 and 8."

"What's this about? If it's not a problem."

"It is. Now play the damn tape." he nodded and we watched the tape, fast forwarding it until we saw two guys at Vanessa's door. We saw them a few minutes later carrying the girls out. "Do you have cameras anywhere else?"

"They were kidnaped. Yeah. Lemme check. You're not like, gonna kill me or whatever, right?" I shook my head. He played a few different video's and one had what I wanted.

"Did they not know this place had camera's?" Joe thought out loud.

"Well, we didn't. We've had quite a few break-ins. We just got them like a week ago." the man said. I looked at Joe.

"They knew it didn't have camera's. Well, they thought. They knew this place. Who's behind the break in's?"

"Umm some Asian gang." A wide grin spread across Joe's face and for the sake of intimidation I kept mine under wraps.

"Know the name? Or where we can find them?" He nodded and told us he heard they were around Washington St. "Hey!" he called after us when we began to leave. "I can say I forgot to put the tape in if you guys want the cops to lose a trail?" We looked at each other and then nodded at the man. "Hope your girlfriend's are ok!"

"So who's street is Washington?" I asked Joe.

"I think it's a guy named Lee. Don't know them very well. Fairly new but strong. I know a guy that could tell us something. Drop me off two streets up and I'll meet you at the bar."

"I wanna be there Joe."

"He's skiddish! He'll be scared of you. He'll talk to me." Joe said. He must have saw the look on my face. "Billy, she'll be fine. I care about her too. So does the other guys. We're not gonna let anything happen to her. To get to her, they have to got through us. And just because she's with them does not mean they got through us. They know we'll come."

"I'm afraid, Joe. What if she thinks I'm not gonna come after her? What if they...touch her? This is all my fault!" I said banging my hands on th wheel.

"No it's not. She loves you, she knows you love her and that's that! She knows we're coming to get her. I can feel it." Joe finished and he sat back. I dropped him off where he said to and drove off to the bar to meet the guys. I drove into the parking lot and pulled out my cell. I dialed Vanessa's number again.

* * *

_**Vanessa's POV**_

I heard my phone ringing again. He man picked it up and put it on speaker.

"Well, hello Billy. How's my request coming?" he asked.

"Fine. I'm gettin' you your shit. Where's Vanessa?" Billy asked. I smiled.

"Oh are you calling to check up?"

"Yes. Cause you ain't getting your shit if you hurt her." Billy snapped. "Now let me talk to her. And I mean talk!" The man put the phone in my lap and sat down a few feet away.

"Billy." I asked softly. I heard him sigh deeply and it brought tear to my eyes. I tried to be tough but my guard fell down with him. He was tough enough for both of us.

"Hey, baby. You ok? He hasn't hurt you has he?" the man glared at me through his mask.

"No." I lied. "We're fine."

"I'm so sorry." he said softly. I swore I cold hear tears in his voice.

"It's ok. I know you're gonna me. Just...Billy?"

"Yeah."

"Hurry. I'm scared. We both are. I need you Billy." I said letting my tears fall and not doing a good job at hiding my sob.

"I'm coming, baby."

"Times up!" The man yelled and took the phone. He took it off speaker but I heard him tell Billy to get him the stuff soon or something will happen. He hung up and walked out the room. I looked over at Heather who had fallen asleep again. She kept quiet. I knew they didn't want her. I knew they only wanted me to get to Billy.

"I'm so sorry, Heather." I whispered. I leaned back and closed my eyes again.

* * *

_**Billy's POV**_

She sounded so scared. I felt so guilty. Not only for bringing Vanessa into this but poor Heather got drug in too. I got out the car and walked into the bar. Bodie was there.

"Hey. Anything?" he asked and poured me a shot. I downed it and made him pour another. He did. And I took that one just as quick.

"Yeah. We know their Asian and we think they might be the ones that take up Washington. Joe is checking something out for me. Apparently they had robbed the apartments before. So they knew they didn't have cameras. Only thing is, the building put cameras up a week ago. Caught them red handed. But the guy in the office threw it away. He forgot to put the tape in. Nice guy. Well, nice enough." I told him and poured another shot.

"Hey! Slow down. When we get them, we need you somewhat sober." he said. Just then Baggy and Heco walked in.

"You talk to the girls? They ok?" Baggy asked. I nodded.

"They are fine. What did ya get?" I asked.

"Well, some new gang has been looking for a load of guns lately. Hasn't got them yet but he offer is still up."

"Why's the offer still up?"

"No one has what they want. And you know Bonez won't deal to someone he don't know. They gotta go to you and well they might have your girl."

"So you think maybe they want the guns and took Nessa to make Billy get them from Bonez?" Bodie asked.

"Maybe. Sounds logical. To afraid to go to you themselves so they take your girl." Baggy said to me. I shook my head.

"Even if it were true what's the use of the guns, when you're dead? They've got to know I'm not gonna let them live after I find them! They took my girlfriend and your sister and threatened me! No one lives after that. Something else is up. There's more that we're not seeing." I told them. It didn't make sense.

"Maybe I can clear that up for ya, bro." Joe declared walking up with a smile on his face. "I'm about to make your day."

"Well, what are ya waitin' for? Spill it!" I told him. He sat down and began to talk.

* * *

_**Nobody's POV**_

"Listen, Billy should be gettin' the guns soon. His little minions have been asking around. So far he's clueless so we're good." the voice on the phone said.

"Alright. As long as I get my guns." the Asian man said.

"You will. But just make sure he know's nothing about me, got it?"

"Yeah I got it. You're a ghost. He doesn't even know someone else is behind it. You're safe." He hung up and looked over at a sleeping Vanessa and Heather. "You're man doesn't know what's going to hit him." He laughed and walked off.

Vanessa's POV

He thought I was asleep. I wasn't. I heard his conversation. _'Someone else was behind this? They didn't want me. They wanted guns. Someone else wanted me out of the picture. Who? Why? God, I hope Billy hurries up. Somehow I know this isn't going to be good. Something bad's gonna happen.' _I thought to myself.

**I wanted you to know that I love the way you laugh  
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away  
I keep your photograph; And I know it serves me well  
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain**

'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

You've gone away...  
You don't feel me here...  
Anymore...

The worst is over now and we can breathe again  
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away  
There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight  
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

'Cause I'm broken when I'm open  
And I don't feel like I am strong enough

'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

'Cause I'm broken when I'm open  
And I don't feel like I am strong enough

'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel right when you're gone

You've gone away...  
You don't feel me here...

**Anymore... **

Song: Broken by Seether ft. Amy Lee


	11. Bodies

_**Billy's POV**_

"Someone hired Lee to take Vanessa. Heather just happened to be with her. Apparently, Lee asked for guns in return for kidnaping them. Once they get the guns, they give the girls to the guy behind it all and...Well, it won't get that far." Joe said. I nodded.

"Who hired them?"

"I don't know. It was pretty secret. But whoever did knows Bonez will have the guns and he knows you're gonna get them to give to Lee." he said. I nodded again and thought for a moment. I stood up.

"So someone wants Vanessa out. They hire Lee to take her and Lee asks for guns. They guy who hired him says ok. He knows Bonez has them and that I will get them. So the deal is sat. But to get the girls, Lee has to get the guns. Or the deal is off. Now who would want to take out Nessa? Who would want her outta the picture? Who has the balls big enough to fuck with me? You thinking what I'm thinking, boys?" They all nodded. I sat back down and told them the plan. We were going to crash this party, invited or not. After we got the plan squared away I stood up.

"Where you off to?" Bodie asked.

"To get the guns. You get in your places. I'm going to Bonez and the I'm going to Lee's." I walked out and got in the car. I drove to Bonez office and walked in.

"What do you want?" he asked nastily.

"Guns. I gotta problem. Some ass wipe took Vanessa and he wants guns. So I need you to give me the guns so I can get her back." I told him.

"See? What did I tell ya? She's trouble. You should have never got with her." he said looking at me.

"Guns, now. I'll pay for them myself. Just let me get her back." He glared at me.

"You better fucking pay me back. These are expensive babies." he said pulling out the guns I needed.

"I will. Just give them here." I told him.

"You sure are going through a lot to get her back." he stated.

"Yeah so."

"Didn't think you'd do it."

"Yeah well you don't know me too well, now do ya? Thanks." I said and walked out. I drove a few blocks down and parked. I called Lee and told him I had the guns. He gave me directions to where he was. I hung up and waited a few minutes. And like clock-work, I looked behind me and saw Bonez car pull off in the direction of Lee.

"That son of a bitch." I said out loud and call Bodie.

"He's on his way. So am I. Be ready."

* * *

_**Nobody's POV**_

"He just left." The man said as Lee answered the phone.

"He just called me. Hurry up and get your girls." Lee replied.

"I'm on my way."

* * *

_**Vanessa's POV**_

I heard Lee answer his phone again. He hung up and came over to me.

"The shows about to start ladies. My guns will be here soon and then you'll be outta my hair."

"You actually think Billy is gonna let you get away after he gets us." Heather spat.

"Billy's not getting you back. I didn't want you. I wanted my guns. Someone else wanted you and they said if I got you they'd give me guns. So I get my guns, they get you and Billy and his boys die." he smirked. I spit in his face again. He slapped me.

"Don't touch her!" Heather screamed. I heard the a car pull up but I knew it wasn't Billy's. Lee looked up and smile.

"He's here." I watched the door open and as I saw who entered. Heather let out a scream.

"Bonez!" she yelled. He smiled and walked over to us.

"Heather. Good to see you. Vanessa, nice to meet you." Bonez said to us then looked at Lee. "He's on his way here."

"Good. The party will begin soon." Le said. They walked out and left me and Heather alone.

"Nessa?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you scared?"

"Very much. But I know Billy will fight for us. All of them will. They won't let anything happen to us." I looked at her. She smiled a little and nodded. It was quiet for a while then it was like hell broke loose.

* * *

_**Billy's POV**_

I drove to Lee's. As I drove up I saw my boys in their spots. I got out and walked inside. I saw Lee on a couch. He smiled at me as I threw the bag of guns on the table. I looked around. I knew Bonez was here but I didn't know where.

"Why, thank you Billy. You're such a good sport. But I have to tell you. You're road ends here." he smirked at me as about 5 guys came out of various places in the room holding guns.

**Let the bodies hit the floor  
Let the bodies hit the floor  
Let the bodies hit the floor**

"Really?" I asked. I flicked my cigarette on the floor and smiled at him. "I know what's going on. I know you didn't want my girl. Someone hired you. So if you take my offer you'll live." I told him. He looked shocked. "You let out a couple of rounds and leave. I'll take care of Bonez. But you stay, you die along with Bonez."

**Let the bodies hit the floor Beaten why for  
Can't take much more**

"Hell no!" He said pulling out a gun. In an instant Bodie, Joe, Baggy, Heco, and Spink were in the building firing. I ran to the nearest hallway and fired. I saw Lee go up the stairs and I followed him. I ducked as a bullet came by my head. I saw Lee hiding behind an old freezer.

"Come on, Lee. Take it and live."

**One - Nothing wrong with me  
Two - Nothing wrong with me  
Three - Nothing wrong with me  
Four - Nothing wrong with me  
One - Something's got to give  
Two - Something's got to give  
Three - Something's got to give**

"No." He fired again. I was about to fire until I heard another shot. I saw Lee fall to the ground. I looked up and saw Bonez.

"What the fuck Billy? You leave and someone calls me telling em your walking into a trap." he said. I smirked. He had no clue I knew.

"I didn't know. I just wanted Nessa back." I lied and played along. He walked over to me and put a hand on my shoulder.

**Now  
Let the bodies hit the floor  
Push me again  
This is the end  
Skin against skin blood and bone**

"You need to let her go. She's getting your priorities messed up." he told me. I looked at him. The gunfire had ceased and I saw my boys behind him holding guns. He turned around and glared at them.

"Don't point that at me." he yelled. I walked past him and over to the guys.

**You're all by yourself but you're not alone  
You wanted in now you're here  
Driven by hate consumed by fear  
Let the bodies hit the floor**

"You wanna know something, dad. I found out that Lee didn't want the girls. He was hired. The man that hired him knew I would get the guns and he could then have the girls. Only you have guns like that. Only you wold know that I would come to get them. Only you would hire someone to kidnap my girlfriend."

**Let the bodies hit the floor  
Let the bodies hit the floor  
Let the bodies hit the floor  
**

"It was for you own good! You don't need a woman. You're a real man." he yelled at me. I got in his face.

"She makes me a real man. Unlike you. I will not be you. When mom died you lost everything. I'm not going to let that happen to me!"

"She's a whore." I put my gun under his chin and fired. I watched as he fell down, eyes wide with shock.

**One - Nothing wrong with me  
Two - Nothing wrong with me  
Three - Nothing wrong with me  
Four - Nothing wrong with me  
One - Something's got to give  
Two - Something's got to give  
Three - Something's got to give**

**You wanted in now you're hereDriven by hate consumed by fear  
Let the bodies hit the floor**

"I'm tired of people calling her a whore." I walked into the very back room and opened the door. I could see the girls try to hide until they saw it was me. The only thing that I saw was the wide smile that spread across Vanessa's face as I walked over.

* * *

_**Vanessa's POV**_

I heard the door open and me and Heather shrunk back, afraid someone was going to shoot us. I looked again and saw Billy standing at the door. Joe, Bodie, Heco, Baggy and Spink all behind him. A wave of relief came across me just as a huge smile came to my face. He looked tired and worn. And his eyes never left me as he walked over to me. It was like he was afraid if he looked away he'd loose me again. He untied me and as soon as I felt the rope slip of my wrist I was wrapped around his neck. He hugged me back and I almost lost my breath as he squeezed so hard.

"Billy. Bonez was behind it. He wanted us, not Lee." I told him. He just nodded.

"It's taken care of. Don't worry." He pulled back and looked at my face. "You lied? You said he didn't hurt you." his eyes were soft.

"She got nasty! She spat in his face and kicked at him. She looked like a girl version of you!: Heather exclaimed as Baggy embraced her. The guys laughed out loud and Billy smirked.

"Really, now?" he asked. I smiled and nodded.

"I learned from the best." I told him. I leaned up and kissed him. He kissed me back and pulled away after a minute. We left the building. Billy covered my eyes the whole way. He said he didn't want me to see that many bodies. We climbed into his car as Heather and Bodie got in his. The rest of them were on clean up duty. We got to the house to see it had been somewhat cleaned up. I saw a note on the door and read it out loud.

'I hope you found them. I figured the least I could do was try to help clean up. The video guy.'

"Who?" I asked. Billy shook his head and laughed.

"No one." Heather and Bodie hadn't made it back. They stopped at his place to give me and Billy some time alone. I looked over at him and he looked back.

"What did I tell you about staring?" he joked as he walked over to me. I slowly backed away.

"Sorry but you know this calls for some really, really, really good make up sex right? Because its your fault that I got into this mess, so you owe me. Big time!" I told him. He smiled and ran over to me, throwing me over his shoulder. I screamed and playfully hit his back

"Oh, I'll pay you back. Big time too." he said as he walked into my room. For tonight I wanted to be near him and not think about the last 24 hours. I wanted to feel him hold me. Feel him touch me and kiss me. To feel him inside of me. We'd deal with the rest tomorrow.

* * *

_**Billy's POV**_

I threw her over my shoulder. I knew what she wanted. She wanted to forget. I'd help her with that. But I knew it ran deeper. I knew she's be scarred. But tonight wasn't about that. Tonight was about her being in my arms again. Tonight was about pleasing her and making her moan my name. Tonight was about touching every inch of her skin and feeling her around me. Reality would have to wait until tomorrow.

**You, you got me  
Thinking it'll be alright.  
You, you told me,  
"Come and take a look inside."  
You believed me,  
In every single lie.  
But I, I failed you this time.**

**And it feels like tonight.  
I can't believe I'm broken inside.  
Can't you see that there's nothing that I wanna do,  
But try to make it up to you?  
And it feels like tonight,  
Tonight.**

**I was waiting  
For the day you'd come around.  
I was chasing,  
And nothing was all I found.  
From the moment you came into my life,  
You showed me what's right.**

**And it feels like tonight.  
I can't believe I'm broken inside.  
Can't you see that there's nothing that I wanna do,  
But try to make it up to you?  
And it feels like tonight.**

**I never felt like this before.  
Just when I leave, I'm back for more.  
Nothing else here seems to matter.  
In these ever-changing days,  
You're the one thing that remains.  
I could stay like this forever.  
And it feels like tonight.  
I can't believe I'm broken inside.  
Can't you see that there's nothing that I wanna do,  
But try to make it up to you?  
And it feels like tonight.  
Tonight.  
Tonight.  
'Cause there's nothing that I wanna do,  
But try to make it up to you.  
And it feels like tonight.  
Tonight.**

Songs: Bodies by Drowning Pool and Feels Like Tonight by Daughtry


	12. Bleeding Love

_**Billy's POV**_

**My heart is beating faster  
Can't control these feelings anymore  
I've waited long enough  
I want it more than anyone  
It's time to step up and deliver what you wanna see  
My blood is pumping, now this is how it's gonna be**

I walked into the room and threw her on the bed. She giggled and sat up on her knees. I stood in front of her off the bed and kissed her. Her hands went around my neck and pulled me closer. I ran my hands down her sides and to the hem of her shirt. I pulled at the bottom and she raised her arms. I kissed her neck and ran my hands over her smooth skin. I felt her shiver as my hands grazed her breast. I undid her bra and let it fall. I smirked and looked her half naked body. She nit her lip and cocked her head to the side.

**It's 45 minutes of love  
I wanna see you push and you shove  
I'll show you just how far to go  
It's time to lose all our control**

"Like what you, Mr. Darley?" she whispered seductively. I nodded and leaned down to capture her nipple. She gasped and ran her hands over my shoulders. They were so tiny. Everything on her was tiny just about. Sometimes I was afraid to get rough because I thought I'd break her. Yeah, she's tall but that's about it. I pulled back and pushed her onto the bed. I crawled on top of her and kissed her. It was demanding and hot. Just like we liked it. Her hands traveled down to unbutton my jeans and I kicked them off when she got them undone.

**So feel it  
And I can't control these feelings anymore  
Believe it  
My heart is racing and I can't seem to get enough  
Am I dreaming?  
Feels like a drug but I know it's adrenaline  
Go  
Just feel it  
Ooohhhh my heart is beating faster**

I positioned myself between her legs and kissed down the middle of her chest all the way to her jeans. I licked her stomach lightly as I unbuttoned her jeans. I pulled them off and kissed my way back up her log legs. Nipping and sucking on the sensitive spots. I stopped at her thigh and sucked lightly as I ran my hands on her stomach. I gripped her waist and pulled her down until she was face to face with me. She smiled and tried to kiss me. I pulled back and smirked as she pouted. I twisted my fingers around her underwear and pulled them off. I kissed the inside of her thigh making sure it was dangerously close to her middle. She whimpered and I licked the spot I was kissing. She shifted under me and I smiled. I grabbed her hips and held them still.

**My adrenaline reached its limit  
I can feel it taking over me  
My head is spinning  
And it seems like I can hardly breathe  
You get a taste  
It's like a drug that you don't wanna leave  
So if you want it let me see you put your fist in the air**

She let out a loud gasp as my tongue found its way to the place she wanted it most. I slid two fingers inside her and continued to lick her. I pleased her until I couldn't take any more. I slid off my boxers and got between her legs again. She instinctively wrapped them around my waist as I entered her. We both moaned.

**It's 45 minutes of love  
I wanna see you push and shove  
I'll show you just how far to go  
It's time to lose all control**

She had only been gone for about a day but it was hell. We both wanted so badly just to be entangled with one another. I never showed another girl that I was pleased while pleasing her. But with Vanessa I didn't stop the moans and grunts that escaped my mouth. She was too good to hide it from. She fit so perfectly around me. It was like she was made for me. I began slowly and started to move faster and harder. She scratched at me back and shoulders.

"Billy...ummmm please...I, I need you..." she moaned. I thrust faster. I looked down just in time to see he eyes open. We held contact for a few moments. Seeing the pleasure spread across her face each time I thrust back into her made me pump harder. Her nails dug in deeper into my back but it only made me want it more. I cold feel her start to tighten around me. Her backed arched of the bed and her legs pulled me in closer. I buried my head in her neck as she came, calling out my name over and over again. I came just moments later biting down on her shoulder to muffle my own moans.

**So feel it  
And I can't control these feelings anymore  
Believe it  
My heart is racing and I can't seem to get enough  
Am I dreaming?  
Feels like a drug but I know it's adrenaline  
Go  
Just feel it  
Ooohhhh my heart is beating faster**

I laid there for a minute and pulled back to see my bite mark. It was perfect. And it was gonna bruise. I smirked and she hit my arm.

**My heart is beating faster  
Can't control these feelings anymore  
I've waited long enough  
I want it more than anyone  
It's time to step up and deliver what you wanna see  
My blood is pumping, now this is how it's gonna be**

"Ow! You drew blood, so I left a mark. We're even." I told her pulling out and rolling over. She curled up next to me and I held her close. I could feel her heart beating ninety to nothing as she laid next to me trying to even her breathing.

**So feel it  
And I can't control these feelings anymore  
Believe it  
My heart is racing and I can't seem to get enough  
Am I dreaming?  
Feels like a drug but I know it's adrenaline  
Go  
Just feel it  
Ooohhhh my heart is beating faster**

"Did you ever think that it would turn into this?" she asked after a few minutes. I'd almost thought she fell asleep.

"What? More than sex?" she nodded. "No. Not really. Even after we agreed it was going to be sex. I kinda hoped we could be more than just sex partners but I never expected this." I told her.

"What would you define this?" she asked resting her chin on my chest and looking up at me. I sighed.

"I don't know, Nessa. More than just sex. I practically live with you. I killed for you. I...I freaking live for you. I want you near me all the time. But at the same time, I want you far away from me as possible. I know you're going to get hurt one day. It's bound to happen. Whether its on purpose or accident. Whether its me that hurts you or someone else. Sometimes, hell a lot of the time I think you deserve much better than me."

"Why? Because I come from money? Is that why? You think I should be with some lawyer or doctor?" she asked. I could see anger and hurt in her eyes. But I couldn't lie.

"Yeah, I guess. You need someone to take care of you. Not put you in harms way." I said trying to defend myself but failed miserably. She sat up and covered herself with the blanket.

"You're telling me that you know this isn't going anywhere?" I started to say no but she cut me off. "You are!"

"No, well yes. I just think that in the long run you'd be better off with someone that's not me. I cant give you the life you want, Vanessa. You deserve a hell of a lot more than I can give you." I told her getting mad myself. She stood up and put her robe on. She gathered up my clothe and threw them at me.

"You don't know what I want. You're too busy getting wasted and selling to ask me what I want. You just come here to get a good fuck. What if I don't want what a lawyer can give me? Huh! What if I want what you have to offer? Ever think about that?!" she screamed as me. I stood up and got dressed.

"You don't know what you want. You're a spoiled little rich girl that wanted a taste of the big boy world. You got tired of the boys chasing you so you stepped up to a man. You're young. You're barely 19, you don't know what you want." I yelled at her.

"And you do? Oh wait! I forgot, You're Billy Darley, You're always right. So in that case, if in the long run I deserve better than you, get the fuck outta my house you rotten piece of shit!" she screamed and pushed me toward her door. I looked at her for a minute before walking out. I know I had pushed it. But I knew I was right. She deserved some one way better than me. I left her apartment and went to my own.

When I walked in the room went silent. Joe, Bodie, Baggy and Heather were there. They stared at me. I glared at them all and stomped off to my room, slamming the door so hard it shook the window's. I could hear Heather say she had to go check on Vanessa. I sat down on my bed and laid my head in my hands wondering if I had done the right thing or screwed up something.

"Maybe Bonez as right. Maybe she is a distraction. She deserves more than I can give her. I'll only put her in harm's way." I thought to myself. I got undressed again and climbed in my bed. I tried to forget about her but my cold bed screamed out loud the fact that she wasn't there. The empty spot where she used to lay didn't help either. I never had anyone like her. I never wanted anyone like her. Never wanted what she could give me. The streets was all I knew, not love and a domesticated lifestyle. I blamed Bonez. I blamed him for me and Joe turning into these...monsters that we are. Could I ever give her what she wanted? Was she telling the truth? What if she only wanted what I could give her? I mentally cursed myself thinking about what an ass I was. It'll all work. It always does. I sighed and got up. I got dressed again and left without a word to Joe, Bodie or Baggy who were still in the living room. I drove to Vanessa's and walked in the building that had become my home away from home. I knocked and Heather answered. She was shocked to say the least.

"Billy, you might wanna sit down." she said. I had this bad feeling that it wasn't going to be ok.

* * *

_**Vanessa's POV**_

I watched him leave. And when I couldn't hear the rumble of his engine anymore, I sank tot he floor crying. Why did he pull this on me now? After the last day I've had, he pulls this out of his pocket. I sat there crying until I heard Heather run to my room. She knocked lightly and pushed the door open. She saw me and ran over to me. She sat beside me and held me close as I cried and told her what had happened. I told her that he had told me this was more than just sex. Then he told me I deserved someone better. Only to turn around and say he didn't mean it like but he knew in the long run he wouldn't be the one for me. How dare him think that he know's what right for me. She tried to comfort me but I couldn't take it anymore. I just laid there in her arms and cried. First, the thing with Leslie, then me being kidnaped and now he throws this on me. Maybe he was right. Maybe I wold be better off. Now if only my heart would agree with that. An hour and a half later I was all packed. Heather looked at me from the door. I looked up and met her sad eyes and nodded.

"You sure you wanna do this?" she asked.

"I need to. I have to." I told her. I walked over and hugged her tightly. "Don't worry about rent. If you need money, just call. I'll be back soon. I promise."

"Ok. Be safe and call me, please." I nodded.

"Heather, make sure he's careful." I asked her.

"I will. Now hurry up and go. The sooner you leave the sooner you'll miss me and come back." Heather told me. I smiled and hugged her again. I walked outside with my bags and put them in my car. I looked back at the apartment one more time before leaving. I let a single tear fall as I drove off.

"Goodbye, Boston." I said as I drove away oblivious to the fact that a familiar car was pulling up to my apartment to try and talk.

**Closed off from love  
I didn't need the pain  
Once or twice was enough  
And it was all in vain  
Time starts to pass  
Before you know it you're frozen**

**But something happened For the very first time with you  
My heart melts into the ground  
Found something true  
And everyone's looking round  
Thinking I'm going crazy**

**But I don't care what they say  
I'm in love with you  
They try to pull me away  
But they don't know the truth  
My heart's crippled by the vein  
That I keep on closing  
You cut me open and I**

**Keep bleeding  
Keep, keep bleeding love  
I keep bleeding  
I keep, keep bleeding love  
Keep bleeding  
Keep, keep bleeding love  
You cut me open**

**Trying hard not to hear  
But they talk so loud  
Their piercing sounds fill my ears  
Try to fill me with doubt  
Yet I know that the goal  
Is to keep me from falling**

**But nothing's greater  
Than the rush that comes with your embrace  
And in this world of loneliness  
I see your face  
Yet everyone around me  
Thinks that I'm going crazy, maybe, maybe**

**But I don't care what they say  
I'm in love with you  
They try to pull me away  
But they don't know the truth  
My heart's crippled by the vein  
That I keep on closing  
You cut me open and I**

**Keep bleeding  
Keep, keep bleeding love  
I keep bleeding I keep, keep bleeding love  
Keep bleeding  
Keep, keep bleeding love  
You cut me open**

**And it's draining all of me  
Oh they find it hard to believe  
I'll be wearing these scars  
For everyone to see**

**Songs: Adrenaline by 12 Stones and Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis**


	13. Gone

_**Billy's POV**_

To say the least, I was livid. Hurt too. But I wasn't about to tell anyone that. Heather probably knew but she wasn't going to speak of it.

"She left?" I asked again for the tenth time that night. I had been there for nearly half an hour talking about Vanessa, the fight and her leaving. The latter being the one I couldn't fully grasp yet.

"Yeah." She said handing me another beer. It was my sixth. Thank god they stocked up. I sat back and lit another cigarette and took a swig of the beer.

"Hummm...ok. She say where she was going?" I asked. "And no, I'm not going to go after her. I practically told her to leave. It's my fault, yes I know that too. No, you cant ever tell anyone that. Yes, because I will kill you. So where is she going?" I was a little buzzed so I was rambling but I knew all the questions she was about to ask. She might not know this but I know her. She's one of my friends little sisters, she's family like anyone else. She looked at me shocked and tried to take my beer. I grabbed it and held it close. "No, get your own. And no, I'm fine I don't need to slow down." I said almost childishly. She raised a brow and a looked of sympathy crossed her face. I knew what she realized and I knew what she was going to say. "Yes, I love her." I whispered. I looked at the beer and set it down.

"I think that was the longest conversation I've ever had with you and I didn't even have to talk." she joked trying to lighten the mood. I laughed and looked at her.

"I know you better than you think, Heather. You're Baggy's little sister. He loves you to death. And he's my boy. I know we don't talk a lot but I do know you." I told her. She looked back and me and then looked down.

"New York." she said. I nodded. "Her aunt from her dad's side lives there. She's going to stay with her for a while."

"Oh. You know for how long?" I asked.

"No. She didn't say. Guess the birthday plans are out." she said with tears in her eyes. I blamed me for those tears.

"I'm so sorry, Heather."

"For what?"

"I ran you're best friend off. I'm a jackass to you all the time. I'm not good at saying things I mean but I'm a pro at saying things that I don't. I didn't want her to go. I just thought..." I paused and sighed. "I thought she deserved someone better than me. She deserves a whole hell of a lot more then I can give her. Only thing I can give her is a hard time and good sex. Oh and a kidnaping every once in a while." I said sarcastically. Heather stood up and started to walk away when she turned to face me and yelled at me.

"You're right. This is your fault. Her whole life she had the world handed to her on a silver platter. Yes, it wad nice but it wasn't her. She cared about things other than shoes and clothes. She didn't want that big fancy house or car. Her father taught her to be that way. He made his way up from nothing and she admired that. She wanted to be like him. He didn't mingle with the high class 24/7. No, he went to the streets he grew up on and helped out there. He played basketball with kids that had no father to play with. She saw how humble it made him. She saw that money isn't everything. She noticed that it didn't matter how much money you had or who you knew, it was about being happy. Money doesn't make you happy, it makes it easier. But she hated having it the easy way. She wanted to work for what she got but her mother was too damned spoiled. Why do you think she loved being with you and me? We don't have the luxuries she has but she liked being with us better. She doesn't want some lawyer guy to take care of her and give her endless amounts of money. She wants a man's man. A man who will fight for her, care for her and put his life on the line and not pay others to watch her. She wants to make a living for herself. She wants it to be hard because she knows that when the day is over she worked to get what she has and that makes her happy. Billy, she wanted you. And you pushed her away because you're too big and bad to admit that you have feelings for her. And trust me, I understand. You never had a mother to show you how to treat a woman but Billy? It comes naturally when you find that one person. It came to you when you met Nessa and now she's gone."

When she was done she just stared at me. She was right. I was too much of a hard ass to admit what I felt. But I didn't expect to fall for her. It was just sex and then it turned into not wanting to be with anyone else. Having a relationship was the last thing on both of our minds. It came fast, too fast. Maybe her leaving was a good idea. I got up and left without another word.

* * *

_**Vanessa's POV**_

I had about two hours left until I got to my Aunt's house. She told me to fly but it's only four hours. I could deal with that plus I needed to time alone. I had just gotten off the phone with Heather. She said Billy had came up only minutes after I left and they had talked for almost and hour. I didn't even have to ask the questions because she knew what I wanted to know. She told me he was upset but he understood. That kinda hurt. She said he blamed himself, which hurt more. Then she told me she yelled at him and he just left. I was pulling off the interstate to a rest area when my phone rang. My heart stopped when I saw the number. I'm not sure if I was scared or excited. I contemplated not answering but I needed to hear his voice whether it was yelling at me or not.

"Hello." I answered softly. I heard him sigh.

"Vanessa." Tears threatened my eyes hearing him say my name. He sounded broken. What have I done? I asked myself.

"Billy..." We were silent for a moment. The only sounds on the phone was out steady and deep breathing. "Please, don't be mad." I said softly.

"I can't not be mad, Nessa." he told me truthfully. The tears fell and I wiped them away. He must have heard me sniffle. "Stop crying."

"I'm sorry. I just..."

"I know. You need time, space. I understand. I just wish it wasn't happening." I thought I heard the hurt in his voice but as we continued to talk I could hear the anger rising.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you to your face but I thought...I just..." I tried to find my words when he cut me off.

"Just what?! Don't apologize for leaving. If you were sorry you'd be here right now. You're not sorry so just leave it. You're good at that." he snapped. Tears fell more.

"Billy. Don't do this. Don't leave it this way." I begged him. Heather had sais he confessed a lot to her, now why not me. I knew he was hurting but he sure as hell didn't want me to know.

"I'm not leaving jack shit anyway. Talking about leaving things in a bad state, you left without telling me." he yelled.

"Stop yelling at me. This I why I left!" I yelled back. I swear I could hear him snap.

"You bitch! You left because you couldn't handle the truth. I want the best for you and it sure as hell isn't me. Do us all a favor and stay in New York. Don't come back. Invite Heather up there and go back to your world. You don't belong with us."

**I hope you know, I hope you know  
That this has nothing to do with you  
It's personal, myself and I  
We've got some straightenin' out to do  
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket  
But I've got to get a move on with my life  
It's time to be a big girl now  
And big girls don't cry  
Don't cry  
Don't cry**

I heard the dial tone after that. I stared at my phone. I couldn't believe it. I just...It seemed so surreal. I sat for a moment contemplating on whether to turn back or not.

**The path that I'm walking  
I must go alone  
I must take the baby steps 'til I'm full grown, full grown  
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they?  
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay**

"If I go back now, I'll have a better chance at salvaging whatever it is that we have. If I don't...I'll probably never get him back." I said to myself. I pulled out of the rest area and stopped at the exit. I looked left and could see New York and I looked to the right and I could see Boston. I needed this. I needed the space. He needed his. I put the car in drive and pulled out to my left. It's what's best for us both. At least that's what I hoped.

**I hope you know, I hope you know  
That this has nothing to do with you  
It's personal, myself and I  
We've got some straightenin' out to do  
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket  
But I've got to get a move on with my life  
It's time to be a big girl now  
And big girls don't cry  
Don't cry  
Don't cry  
Don't cry**

* * *

_**Billy's POV**_

I hung up with Vanessa and got out the car. I walked into the apartment and the boys were still up.

"Wow! Thought you'd stay over there." Joe joked. Bodie just stared at me. He knew me well enough to know that something was up.

"Shut up Joe." he said. "What happened? She still mad?" he asked. Joe finally looked at me and hushed. I walked to get a beer and sat on the couch.

"She's gone." They looked at me like I had three heads. "Don't. I don't wanna talk about it. I wanna sit here, get drunk and try to have a little fun. I wanna forget about her and all the things that came with her. Alright?" I looked at them and they nodded. Bodie went to the kitchen and grabbed more beer and a bottle Jack D. He sat the bottle in front of me and put the beer between him and Joe.

"Where's the shot glasses?" I asked.

"Figured you might need that more than us. No need to dirty one shot glass." Bodie said. He knew me too well. I nodded and grabbed the bottle and sat back. That night was the first night in months that I had sat back with my little brother and Bodie and just talked and laughed. Even though she was still on my mind and I was well aware I had lost her, I wasn't thinking of her. I had neglected my family for a while. And now was the time to catch up.

Three hours and a bottle of Jack Daniels later, I was laying in bed. Yeah, I was thinking about her. I looked at my phone and contemplated calling her back but I knew I shouldn't. This was the best for both of us, I hoped. Instead of calling Nessa, I picked up my phone and called Heather.

"Billy?!" she asked rather alarmed.

"Hey. Have you talked to her?" I asked. I heard her sigh.

"Yes, she's got there about an hour ago. She' fine. She told me about your phone call. Nice going, jackass. You do it on purpose?" she asked rudely.

"Yeah. You actually think I meant that?" I spat.

"No. Maybe this is for the best. I'll miss her but both of you are so fucking screwed up and you don't know what you want. Maybe once you guys figure that out, maybe there's a chance."

"Maybe. Well, I'm going to bed." I paused and sighed. "If you talk to her again, just tell I said be careful." She agreed she would and we hung up. I laid back down and pushed all thoughts of her out of my mind. I needed sleep, bad.

**Feeling like this could only mean  
I'm sinking.  
Feeling like this could only mean  
I'm sinking.  
Well, I'm sinking.  
Pull me up.**

**Every time I see your clothes scattered out on the floor,  
I say I thought you would be home.  
You said you never would be gone.  
Every time I see the light not burning on the porch,  
I say I thought you would be home.  
You said you never would be gone,  
But you are.  
You are.**

**Feeling overwhelmed, I take a dive  
To a once overfilled but now empty place to hide.  
The day you turned on me is the day I died,  
And I've forgotten what it's like,  
And how it feels to be alive.**

**Every time I see your clothes scattered out on the floor,  
I say I thought you would be home.  
You said you never would be gone.  
Every time I see the light not burning on the porch,  
I say I thought you would be home.  
You said you never would be gone.**

**Reach up to the sky.  
When nothing seems to go right,  
When nothing seems to go right for me.**

**Every time I see your clothes scattered out on the floor.  
I say I thought you would be home.You said you never would be gone.  
Every time I see the light not burning on the porch,  
I say I thought you would be home.  
You never would be gone.  
I thought you would be home.  
You said you never would be gone,  
But you are.**

**Songs: Big Girls Don't Cry by Fergie and Gone by Daughtry  
**


	14. Not That Gun!

My trip was supposed to be a few weeks at the max but a few weeks turned into a few months. My birthday had come and gone. I had Heather fly up here to celebrate. I wanted so bad to ask her to stay or yell at to come back, but neither happened. Halloween was a couple days away and I was sitting on my bed talking to Heather. We talked at least twice a day and it never got boring.

"So what are your plans for Halloween?" She asked me.

"Oh some party tonight. My cousin wants me to go with her." I replied painting my toe nails and dark red color.

"Cool. We're having a little get together tomorrow at the bar then coming back here. Joe wants to give out candy." she laughed.

"Oh jeeze. Make sure it's the good kind of candy." I told her.

"I'm buying it, so don't worry. What are you going to dress up as?"

"Oh, oh! I naughty secretary!" I exclaimed. I was so happy to find one. And it looked prefect.

"Wow! What I'd give to see you in that one!" she joked. I paused for a moment and sighed heavily.

"So..." I started but was afraid to continue. She knew what I wanted.

"He's good. Quiet. But good." she said. She'd give me updates on him every once in a while and she'd relay messages. Mostly it was a hello and be careful but that was enough.

"Good." I said simply.

"Not sure if it helps but I think he misses you. He hasn't even looked at another girl since you've been gone. He's done his job and gone home. Well, he goes to the bar and spends time with the boys but that's it." she said.

"Good." I repeated. I missed him. I hated leaving and I hated being gone this long.

"You miss him, don't you?" she asked.

"Yeah." I choked on the tears. We talked for a few more minutes and we hung up. I jumped up and went to take a shower. I stepped in and let the hot droplets fall all over me. I cried as the reminded me of my own tears and slid down to the floor. I pulled my knees up to my chest and buried my face in them as I cried. I remembered the last time me and Billy were in the shower together. I leaned my head back against the wall and smiled.

_I started the shower and quickly got undressed. I jumped in as I heard Billy come into the bathroom. I heard him laugh and I peeked out the shower to see him leaning against the sink. Clad only in boxers. _

"_Well...you gonna join me? Or do I have to get someone else?" I teased. He shook his head and took off his boxers and stepped in behind me._

"_You better not have any other guys showering with you." he said trying to act mean. I laughed and pulled him under the water. He stood there for a minute closing his eyes to let the water relax him. I was entranced at the water drops that would fall on his head and make their way down his nicely toned body. I couldn't stop myself from smiling when he opened one eye and looked at me._

"_Quit. Didn't you know it's not nice to stare." he joked. I smiled and stepped up to him and kissed him. He returned the kiss without hesitation. He ran his hands down my slippery body and pushed me against the wall. We kissed for a few more minutes until he pulled back._

"_Turn around. Bend over and put your hands on the wall." Was all he said. I looked shocked. He smiled and turned me around and positioned me himself. I barely had time to protest before I felt him slam into me. I screamed and knew that the people in th house could hear. Billy clamped one hand over my mouth and kept thrusting into me. He had the other arm wrapped around my waist to hold me still. He leaned over and kissed the back of my neck and slowly removed his hand. I moaned out loud but not too loud. _

_He leaned back up and gripped my hips. He thrust harder and faster. I felt my knees start to go weak but Billy held me up with one arm. I felt myself coming closer and closer. I repeated Billy's name over and over again until I came. He continued to thrust and slipped one hand in front of me an between my legs. I muffled a scream and I felt myself coming again. A few moments later with one final thrust he reached his goal. He waited a minute before pulling out. He turned me around and hugged me, mainly for support._

"_Well, that was quite a shower, Darley. Probably the best I've had." I said. He looked down at me._

"_Probably?"_

"_I don't wanna boost your ego." I declared. _

I smiled thinking about that day. I missed him. I needed him. I...I loved him. I stood up and washed myself. I got out and put my costume on. I'd deal with this after tonight. But I made a promise to go out and have fun tonight. And I did for a while. We got there and there was about 75 people there. All dressed up. My cousin went to get us drinks and she came back with a guy. He was cute but was so wasted. We all danced and he even got my drinks. I think that's where he and I made our biggest mistake.

* * *

_**Billy's POV**_

I was sitting at the bar with the boys and Heather talking about the new gang that thought they could take over. We were laughing when I felt my phone vibrate. I picked it up and saw Vanessa's name on the ID. I must have let the shock show on my face because Heather asked what was wrong.

"It's Vanessa." I said and walked into the corner, all eyes from my table following each step. "Hello." All I heard was sniffle. "Vanessa?"

"Billy..." she whispered shakily. My heart sank and I heard nothing but pure fear in her voice. My fist tightened and I turned to look at the table. Bodie stood up.

"Vanessa, what's wrong?" I asked.

"Billy..." she sobbed. I felt tears sting my eyes.

"Baby, I need you to calm down and tell me what's going on. Are you ok? Did someone hurt you?"

"I don't know. Billy, I can't remember. I need you! Please, help me." she begged. There was no need to tell me twice. "Stay there. I'll be there in a couple hours."

"Ok."

"Vanessa?" I asked softly.

"Yeah?"

"I love you, alright? You're gonna be okay."

"I know. Just hurry." I hung up and walked to the table.

"Let's go. Everyone. Load up. You too Heather." They all looked surprised. "Now!"

"Where are we going?" Heather asked scared.

"New York." That seemed to get them wound up. I told them what happened on the phone as we drove. The drive that took anyone else four hours, took my just over two and a half. I pulled up to the house where Vanessa said she was at. I got out and looked over ay Bodie who was getting out of his car. We all exchanged looks and checked our guns. I slowly walked up the steps and noticed the door was open. I pulled out my gun and told Bodie and Baggy to follow me in. I moved around slowly. I heard a faint noise coming from the back room. I sent Baggy to search the rest of the place as me and Bodie walked up to the door. I slowly pushed it opened. What I saw shocked me. There was one man laying on the bed with two bullet holes in him, one to the head and the other to the chest. Blood covered the white sheets. There was another man laying not too far from the door with a hole in his shoulder and stomach. A heard another noise from the corner. I reached over and turned on the light and saw Vanessa curled up in the corner, a gun at her feet. I ran over to her but she shrunk back. I pulled away slightly.

"Baby, it's me. It's Billy." I said softly. She picked her head up and threw her arms around me. I held her as she sobbed into my chest. I told Bodie to go and get Heather and Joe. Heather came running in and stopped when she saw the bodies. She looked over and saw Vanessa and screamed.

"My god! Vanessa!" She ran over to my other side and rubbed Vanessa's back.

"I think she's out." I told her softly. She looked over to the other side and nodded when she saw Vanessa's eyes closed.

"What do you wanna do with these?" Bodie asked pointing at the bodies with his gun. I looked around the room.

"What do you mean?" Heather asked.

"You know what I mean, Heather." Bodie replied looking at her.

"No, we're going to call the police. They obviously attacked her. They'll see it's self defense and she'll be free." Heather yelled at him. He shook his head.

"They're cops. They don't know shit."

"Billy! Back me up here. Please, let's just call the police. Let them handle it so you can take care of her." I looked at her. I wanted to just get rid of the bodies but I knew eventually it would probably come back to bite me in the ass. I nodded at her and Bodie let out a frustrated sigh.

"I'm doing this for her. If one day they find out she shot them they will not hesitate in taking her in. Let's just call them and be done with it."

We called the police and told them what happened. They got there about 20 minutes later. They took Vanessa into another room with Heather to question her. While another cop talked to me. They rest of the guys had left.

"Can I have your name, sir?" the detective asked.

"Billy Darley." I said calmly.

"Can you tell me what happened?"

"I'm not sure. I live in Boston, we had a fight a few months back and she came here to stay with her Aunt. I was sitting at a local bar when she called. She was sobbing and sounded scared. I asked her what was wrong but she said she couldn't remember. I told her I was on my way and I drove here with her best friend. I got here and looked around and I came in to find this. Vanessa was curled up in the corner over there." I explained. He nodded.

"Did you touch anything in the room?" he asked looking around.

"Only Vanessa. I kicked the gun away. It was in front of her feet."

"Okay. Listen, I know this must be hard. You obviously care for her to drive this far to see her. But we know these guys. Major ass holes. Known for drugging girls and raping them. I'm not sure what the other detective got out of her but this is what it looks like." My jaw clenched and fists tightened as I looked at the dead bodies, wishing they were alive so I could kill them myself. "Calm down. Looks like she might have gotten them before they could touch her. No offense, but did she learn how to shoot from you? You look like a guy that knows his guns."

"Yeah, I did. Few weeks before she left." I smiled remembering that day.

"_I don't wanna." she whined. I laughed and grabbed her arms and put them in front of her. I placed the gun in her palms. _

"_Well, you're going to. Now hold the damn gun. Put your finger over the trigger, do not pull it!" I laughed as she was about to pull it. She smiled and looked up at me._

"_Oops. Sorry." I laughed and pinched her side. She yelped and jumped. "Alright, focus."_

"_I will if you stop poking me." she said sweetly. _

"_Alright, I'll keep my fingers to myself." I told her. She looked up at me and smiled._

"_I wasn't talking about your fingers, Billy." _

"_Well, I cant help it. You looked good holding my gun." She looked up at me. "Not that gun, this gun. God, you're worse than me." I laughed. She smiled. "Now, hold the gun steady. When you feel comfortable shooting pull the trigger. Make sure you aim first." I told her. "Don't lock your arms. You ready?" She nodded. "Alright pull it." She pulled the trigger and fell back into me. She looked up at me with wide eyes and I laughed._

"_That was so cool!" She shrieked. I laughed and we let off a few more rounds. "Thanks."_

"_No problem. In case one day I'm not around and you need to protect yourself." I told her._

"_You'll always be there, right?" She asked. _

"_Always, babe, always." I told her._

The smile faded form my face as I remembered my last words. I felt my throat tightened and the cop patted my shoulder. I looked over and saw Heather walk out of the room.

"What happened?" I demanded. She wiped away a few tears.

"They attacked her."

"Did they..." I stopped not wanting to say it.

"Let her tell you that. She's been asking for you the whole time. The other detective said you could see her now." I rushed past her and walked into the room. Once again she was in my arms when she lifted her head up. I hugged her tightly.

"I'm so sorry. I told you I'd always be there and I wasn't. I'm sorry, baby." I told her. She tightened her grip on me.

"It's ok. You're here now. And I'm letting you leave again." I pulled back and looked her in the eyes.

"I love you, Vanessa." She smiled and let a few tears fall. I wiped them away and she snuggled into my hand.

"I love you too, Billy."


	15. See Me Crying

_****_

Vanessa' POV

I cried into Billy's chest and he rubbed my back. We pulled apart when the detective came into the room.

"You're free to go. There's not much more to do. All the evidence is pointing to self-defense and there's no need for a trail." The man said and looked at Billy. "Take her home, ok?"

"I am." Billy told me and kissed my head. We headed out to Billy's car and drove to meet the rest of the guys at my aunt's house. They had already packed my stuff. I walked in and was attacked by Bodie. He wrapped his arms around me and lifted me off my feet.

"Ahhh! We missed you!" He said. I laughed and hugged him back. He set me down and I looked around. Everyone was smiling but still looked worried.

"I'm fine, guys. Really." I tried to reassure them. They nodded slightly and packed my stuff into the two cars. We went to leave and Heather said she'd ride with Bodie so me and Billy could have time to talk. Billy told them to go ahead and leave, we'd be a few minutes behind. He drove the opposite direction as the others and stopped when we came up to a park near the Hudson River. We got out and walked over to the swings.

"Sit. I'll push you." he said softly. I looked at him in the moonlight. He looked so innocent, so pure. Tonight he had his guard down.

"This wasn't you fault." I told him as I sat down. He pulled the chains back and lightly pushed me.

"I know. But I could have prevented it. I should have come after you. I should have made you stay." he confessed. "I shouldn't have yelled at you, like I did."

"I shouldn't have left in the first place. It wasn't you, ya know? The reason why I left, it wasn't you. I couldn't deal with what happened and I needed some space. I don't blame you either." I told him enjoying the cool breeze in my hair as he pushed me. We were silent for a minute. He just pushed me and I closed my eyes and took in the peacefulness of the moment.

"What happened tonight?" he asked softly as he stopped pushing me and sat down on the next swing.

"I went to this costume party. My cousin came back with our drinks and this guy." I saw him glare at me. "Not like that. Just, listen. We talked for a few. He kept getting me drinks. I know, I shouldn't have let him do that but he seemed nice. I don't remember much after that. I remember him saying he was taking me home. Then I was laying in a bed..." I choked on my tears and Billy kneeled in front of me. "He tried to rape me, Billy. They both did. They were holding me down and trying to take my clothes off. I felt a gun under the pillow and I pulled it out. I didn't aim at all, I just fired. I felt one fall next to me on the bed and I kept firing. The cops said I hit the other as he was running. I didn't mean to kill them. I was so scared. I fell off the bed and crawled into the corner and called you. I dropped the gun and didn't move like you said. I'm sorry! I'm so stupid!" I sobbed into his chest. He hugged me tightly and whispered in my ear. I cold hear the emotion in his voice.

"You're not stupid. It's not your fault. You didn't kill them on purpose but you had to save yourself. I know it's going to haunt you but you had to. There's no telling what they..." his voice broke. "No telling what they would have done to you. You did what you had to do. It doesn't make you a killer, you hear me? You're not a killer." He held me while I cried and slowly drifted off into his arms.

* * *

_**Billy's POV**_

We were at the park for about an hour. She told me what happened and cried herself to sleep in my arms. I carried her to the car and laid her in the passenger seat. I started my drive back to Boston. This time going to speed limit. I had the radio off and the window's up the whole time. I didn't even smoke a cigarette. I was too busy thinking about Vanessa and the past seven months with her. It had been rough but I found out that it was worth it. It started off as us just wanting sex. And it was at first. Just sex, really good sex but then I found myself wanting her more. Not to date but to hang out with. To be around. She wasn't just a pretty face and good fuck. She was funny and smart. She actually was able to stand up next to me and to me if she wanted. She was what I needed if I got into a serious thing. She put me in my place and then let me be the controller. She was nothing but a bunch of surprises. It killed me to see another man look at her. Even before we dated. She was mine. She was too good for anyone else to have. I wanted her. I needed her. I craved her. And in the end I loved her. It's not that I never wanted a girlfriend or a serious relationship. It's that I knew I would fuck up or she would get hurt. So I always stayed away. I avoided being in a relationship with a girl for a reason.

But Vanessa was different. She slowly broke down those walls. She actually reminded me of my mom. Well, what I remember of her. Bonez, as hard as it is to believe, was a good man once. He was tough but after he met my mother, he changed. He let her in and she took care of him and stood up next to him no matter what. He loved me and Joe back then. But he was so hurt when she died, he just couldn't take him. The only good part of him was taken away. She was supposed to raise me and Joe. Bonez didn't know how to parent. She knew that but she loved him anyways. H tried to be a good father and he was for a while. But he fell apart. And he raised us the only way he knew. Vanessa reminds me of her a lot. No matter what I do or say to her, she still comes back and puts me in my place. She's tough enough to stand up with me. But she's woman enough to know where she needs to be. She's tough but she can't be that way all the time. She's tried but I guess I broke her walls too. She was vulnerable with me.

I looked over at her and remembered what she told me earlier. Her words lingered in my head. They almost raped her, both of them. If they would have touched her, I don't know what I would have done. It would have scarred her far worse then the kidnaping. I tried my hardest to keep from crying when she recanted that night's events. I didn't want her to see me like that. Not yet, at least. I looked over at her again and brushed a piece of hair out her face. She stirred a bit and fell still. I smiled and turned the radio on and let the low music fill the silence of the car.

**You see me crying, don't let it getcha down.  
You see me crying, I'm back to the lost and found.  
Honey whatcha done to your head?  
Honey was it the words I said?Honey whatcha done to your head?  
Honey was it the words I said?  
You see me crying, say you're a ladies man.  
You see me crying, I'm so hard to understand.  
Honey whatcha done to your head?  
Honey was the words that I said?  
Honey whatcha done to your head?  
Honey was the words that I said?  
You see me crying, please say you'll stick around.  
And I got to be your lover, hon, let me take you to town.  
And I'll show you everything that I know.  
And I'll never let you go...  
Cause my love is like a merry-go-around...  
Honey whatcha done to your head?  
Honey was the words that I said?  
Honey whatcha done to your head?  
Honey was the words that I said?  
Ahhh**

Four hours later, I pulled up to my apartment. I was tired and didn't want to drive to Vanessa's. She slept the whole time and was still passed out. I carried her upstairs and knocked on the door. I knew they'd be awake and Bodie answered the door. I motioned him to be quiet and he smiled.

"We were about to send out the calvary to find you." he teased. I walked past him and laid her on the couch.

"Joe, go get the rest of her stuff and bring it up. She's staying here tonight." I ordered him. He nodded and left. I took my boots and jacket off and picked he back up. I carried her into my room and laid her down again. Joe came in behind me and put her bags down. He whispered good night and left. I was about to walk out when she grabbed my hand.

"Stay, please. I don't wanna be alone." she whispered tears in her eyes. I nodded and took my shirt off and slipped out of my pants. Her eyes never left me.

"What have I told you about staring?" I teased as I laid down next to her. I could see her blush in the moonlight.

"Sorry." she whispered smiling. I laughed and slowly reached out to touch her. "I'm not going to run away, Billy. You can touch me." she said softly. I placed my hand on her side and gently pulled her close to me. She snuggled into my chest and I held her.

"I love you, Vanessa." I whispered. She looked up at me and smiled.

"I love you too." I leaned down and placed a soft kiss on her lips. She parted her lips for my tongue. I kissed her long and soft. I ran my hand to the back of her neck and pulled her closer. She ran her hands over my shoulders and I moved in between her legs. I pulled down her bottoms and slid out of my boxers. I cradled her in my arms as I entered her. That night wasn't like any other night we've had. We didn't have sex or fuck, we made love. We moved in slow languid movements. She moaned and gasped underneath me and I kissed her neck softly. I picked up pace as I felt her tighten around me and dig her nails into my back. She threw her head back and moaned as she came. I kept moving inside her until I couldn't take it any longer. I pushed as far as I could go and came deep inside her. I rolled off of her and pulled her to my side. We laid there for a few minutes then fell asleep. I have slept with many women and I've fucked them senseless but never have I ever made love to a woman. And I probably never will make love to another. Only Vanessa. Every man has a weakness and Vanessa was mine. She was to me what my mom was to Bonez. The only ones that could break down the walls that us Darley's built so tall and strong. I was way out of my element but I didn't mind.

* * *

_**Vanessa's POV**_

I woke up to the sun blazing in my face. I covered my face and rolled over to curl up next to Billy but he wasn't there. I shot up and looked around, he was gone. For a second I thought last night was a dream but I noticed that I was in Billy's room. I sighed and stood up. I grabbed a pair of his boxers and a t-shirt from his dresser and got dressed. I walked out to the living room and saw Billy and Joe talking. Joe saw me first and smiled.

"Morning." he said. Billy looked over his shoulder at me and smiled.

"Hey, Joe." I said. I walked over to Billy and sat on his lap. "Hey you."

"Hey. Sleep okay?" he asked. I nodded. I just listened as him and Joe talked about the upcoming nights and who was taking what corner. Since Bonez had died Billy had taken over the shop and well the other business. He kept the same guys in the shop, they happier now that Bonez was gone. They were even starting to fix it up a bit to be more open for business. Joe helped out a lot in the shop. He took care of the appointments and ordering. Billy took care of all the money from both businesses. He still held his same spot in the gang but Bodie had taken a step up to be there when Billy couldn't. They all had busier lives. After all Bonez was the one who paid them and now that he was gone someone needed to pay them. They all stepped up and took on more responsibilities. I mean, for a gang they worked pretty hard when they weren't completely trashed.

"Vanessa!" Billy pinched me. I looked up to see him and Joe staring at me.

"What?" I asked.

"I've been talking to you and you're all...out there." Joe said waving his hand in the air. I smiled.

"Sorry, I was thinking."

"Yeah, I could tell. Smoke was coming out your ears." Billy replied and tried to hide when I hit him. His phone rang and he picked it up. I saw the fun Billy leave and a stone cold look spread across his face.

"I gotta go. Heco is too fucked up to work tonight." He said rubbing his head. I stood up and held my hand out to him. "You gonna be okay without me?" he asked.

"No, I'm going to die. If you're gone for more than two seconds I'm going to go insane." I teased. He glared at me. "Yes, I'll be fine. But is it okay if I stay here instead of going to my place?" I asked hopefully.

"You know you can." he said. "Joe, watch her." He turned to me and kissed me on the forehead. Then he reached and pulled out a few twenty dollar bills. "Here, get dinner or something. Take out or get Joe to take you to the store. I'll be back later. Be careful." I nodded and kissed him. I listened to the engine as he drove off and turned to Joe.

"We need groceries!" I exclaimed pulling him off the couch. He groaned and followed me out to my car that Heather had dropped off sometime early this morning. I remembered the first time Joe saw my car and smiled. "Here. You drive." He looked at me wide eyed and smiled. He ran to the driver's seat and hopped in. He was actually a pretty good driver, I wondered why Billy never got him a car or let him drive. We walked into the grocery store and he grabbed a buggy. Of course Joe being Joe, he played with it. Running and picking his feet up to fly through the aisle's. I couldn't help but laugh.

"So did you miss me, Joey?" I asked as we picked up some canned veggies.

"Yep. We all did. Billy was terrible. He stayed at the shop all the time and took care of things. He would come out at night and drink but that's about it. I mean he wasn't depressed but he just wasn't happy either." he paused and looked at me. "I never thought I'd see him happy. I think the last time I saw him happy was before..." he looked away. I knew he was talking about their mom.

"How old were you, Joe?" I asked softly.

"4. Billy was 6. I remember her a little. I remember she had a really pretty smile. She always smiled." he said. We stopped to pick up some meat and went to get some milk. "Get chocolate milk too." he said.

"He only have me sixty bucks, Joe. We'll come back later."

"No, I got some money too. Get it." he insisted. I laughed and got his milk of choice. "So you thinking about staying with us for a while?" he asked as we walked to the check out.

"Maybe, if Billy let's me. You too, of course." I said.

"You know we don't care. But your apartment is so much bigger and cleaner." he stated putting the food on the table in front of the cashier.

"Yeah but I wanna be near Billy. Heather will be fine for a while. You sure you guys won't mind?" I asked.

"Nope. As long as you cook for us." he said smiling. The cashier rung it up and it came to 43.24. "I got it. Keep your money." he said paying the lady. I smiled and pushed the cart out the door. I looked over and saw a tattoo shop.

"Hey, Joe? Do tattoo's hurt?" I asked. He looked over at me and smiled knowingly. We put the food in the car and walked to the tattoo shop. We walked in and looked around. I told Joe what I wanted and he smiled. We got the artist and he took us to the back. I sat backwards on the chair and pulled my hair up.

"You sure about this?" Joe asked smiling. I nodded and grabbed his hand. "You bad with pain?" I nodded again.

"Now tattoo's can be removed but not easily. You sure?" the tattoo artist asked. I nodded and about screamed as he started tattooing the back of my neck. After a few minutes the pain subsided and about 25 minutes later I was paying him and leaving. We got in the car and drove home.

"You think he'll like it?" I asked. Joe looked over at me and smiled.

"Oh yeah. He'll want you to get more. He likes ink of a girl. And you're more than just a girl." He said grinning widely. We pulled up to see Billy there already. He looked at me and smiled. "He's gonna flip!" We grabbed the groceries and walked inside. Billy smiled as we walked in. I made sure my hair was down and walked over to him.

"I gotta surprise for you." I whispered. He grinned and smiled.

"Oh really?" He asked me grabbing my waist.

"Oh yeah..." I smiled at him.

_**Song: See Me Crying by Aerosmith**_


	16. Tattoos and Honey

She smiled at then looked over at Joe. He nodded and winked at us.

"What is it?" I asked curious. She smiled and turned around. She lifted up her hair and I saw a white bandage. I smiled knowing it was a tattoo. I gently peeled it off and smiled even bigger when I saw it. On the back of her neck was none other than a mini tribal tattoo circling my name. I lightly touched the back of her neck smiling. I looked up to see Joe grinning like an idiot. I put the gauze back on and turned her to face me. She was biting her lip.

"Now you really are mine." I told her. She smiled.

"Did you ever think I wasn't?" she asked cockily. I shook my head and kissed her. I slid my tongue across her lip then bit ti lightly. She smiled and pushed me back to the bedroom. As she pushed me down the hallway I heard Joe laughing.

"I'll just be out here. Putting up the food." he yelled.

"Alright. Thanks, Joe!"she yelled beck. She ran into my room and sat down on the bed. I smiled at her and kissed her again. She reached to the dresser and grabbed a hair tie. She pulled back and put her hair in to a loose bun. She pushed me back on the bed and crawled between my legs. I propped myself up on my elbows and stared at her while she undid my jeans.

"What are you doing, Ness?" I asked. She smiled and pulled my pants and boxers down. Before I could get another word out, I gasped out loud. "Oh fuck..." I felt her tongue dance it's way across the tip of my head. I grasped the back of her head, careful of the tattoo, as she started to move up and down. I bit my lip at the sensation of her warm mouth around me. She sucked lightly and dance her tongue around as she came back up. I pulled her hair tie out and ran my hand through her hair. I threw my head back and groaned out loud. She took her free hand and ran it up my stomach to my chest. She continued to move and I got closer and closer. She sucked hard and took my in deeper but before I cold finish I pulled her up and threw her on the bed. I quickly took off her jeans and ripped her panties off. She went to say something, probably that they were expensive but I stopped her when I thrust into her. She screamed out loud and gripped the sheets. I gripped her hips and thrust hard and fast. Her loud moans of pleasure egging me on further. I leaned down and kissed her roughly. Her hands went to my back and dug in. Oh it felt like we moved forever. Both of us unable to keep our sounds quiet. I remembered my name on her neck and moved faster. She was mine now. She was mine all along but now she had my name on her. No one will touch her again. Not that she wanted anyone to but it was set in ink. She was mine. Somehow she managed to roll me over and moved on top of me. Her head went back as she moved on top of me. Her hair falling over her gorgeous body and framing it perfectly. I grabbed her waist as it moved on top of me. I pulled her down and kissed her deeply and ran my hands across her back. I rolled us over and started moving inside her again. I felt her tighten around me and pumped faster. I felt her arch against me and kissed her again as she came. I kept moving until I came inside of her. I laid there for a moment trying to compose myself. I rolled off of her and pulled her to me. I could feel the steady rise and fall of her chest and knew she was out. Her back to me so I pushed her hair aside and pulled of the bandage. I traced the tiny tribal design with my finger and then traced my name. It looked good there. Her first tattoo and it's my name. I kissed it lightly and fell asleep.

We didn't wake until the next morning and even then we laid in bed for almost an hour. She was tracing invisible objects on my chest as I smoked my second cigarette of the morning.

"So you like my tattoo?" she asked.

"Of course. It's my name on my girl. Why wouldn't I?" I told her. She looked up at me and smiled.

"Good. I like it too. I can't see it but I like it."

"You gonna get another?" I asked. She smiled again and crawled on top of me.

"Joe said you'd want me to get another one." she said as she kissed above my naval. Her hands moved up my chest and to my shoulders. I sighed and closed my eyes as she lightly massaged them.

"You don't have to. They look good on you. I don't want you to be covered but I know you'd probably like those girly tattoos." I told her. She put her chin on my chest and looked up at me.

"I don't know. Maybe one day. I like this one for now though. Are we just gonna lay in bed all day?" she asked.

"If you want. I have nothing to do and honestly, you wore me out last night." I confessed and rubbed her back.

"Ditto, babe. Ditto." she said rolling off of me. I pushed her over on to her stomach and lightly sat on her butt. "You going to give me a massage?" she asked surprised. I laughed and nodded. I lifted her shirt up and unclasped her bra. I started on her lower back, rubbing and massaging slow circles. She moaned and I stopped.

"You're going to get me all excited if you keep making them noises." I teased. She laughed and told me to finish. I slowly made my way up her back and to her shoulders. When I was done I kissed her back softly and nipped at her sides. She shifted beneath me and I laughed. I was about to kiss her again when I heard someone bang on the front door. I jumped out of bed and grabbed my gun. I walked out to see Joe's door closed. The banging continued and I walked over. It stopped as I got to it. I opened the door and nobody was there. Just a note on the floor. I picked it up and read it.

"Watch your back Billy boy. We're here to stay.'

I crumpled it up and threw it away as Vanessa slowly peeked out the room.

"You can come out. It's safe." I told her. She came out and walked over to me. Slipping a hand around my waist and closed the door. "Just some fucking kids playing a game." I lied. She had been through too much to just worry more.

"Oh ok. Well, I did go shopping yesterday so you want breakfast?" she asked. I nodded and she walked into the kitchen. I walked down the hall to wake Joe up. As I got to his door, it opened.

"Vanessa's making breakfast but we need to talk." I said pushing him back in his room and shutting the door behind him. "I got this note delivered to our front door earlier. It said that I better watch out because 'they' are here to stay. I threw it away but Vanessa and Heather are not to know about this. I do not need them to be worried. Now later I want you to talk to some of your little buddies on the streets and find out so info for me."

"Alright. I got it." he said. "Now let's go eat. I smell bacon and eggs." We smiled and walked out. We ate breakfast and sat around the house. We were watching Family Guy when the phone rang.

"Hello." I answered.

"Hey, Billy. Go somewhere where Nessa is not around." Heather demanded. I was surprised but left the room while her and Joe watched tv.

"Ok. What's up?" I asked sitting on my bed.

"You missed her birthday." she said simply.

"Yeah. I know. My fault too." I told her.

"Well, we are going to make it up. Meet me at the bar tonight. All the guys will be there."

"Alright." She gave me the time and we hung up. I walked out to see Joe leaving. He looked at me and nodded. I knew he was doing what I asked him to do earlier. I sat down next to Vanessa and we watched tv.

"Did you ever think I was too young for you?" she asked suddenly.

"No. Why? Did you ever think I was too old for you?" I asked looking at her. She looked up at me from my lap.

"I think that's why I wanted you. I was 18 and you were 24. That's six years right there. I was tired of the high schools boys and wanted more. I wanted to see what a man was like." she confessed.

"Well, you got your taste plus more. You like?" I asked and winked at her. She smiled and sat up to straddle me on the couch.

"I'm still here, aren't I?" she asked as she leaned in to kiss me.

"Yes you are. After all the shit you've been through with me and because of me, somehow you're still here. Why is that?" I asked.

"Because something told me to stay. And no matter how much you hurt me or how much I felt like hating you, I still loved you and I still wanted you." she confessed. I smiled lightly

"I love you."

"I love you, too. What would people think if they knew you were so sweet?" she teased.

"You tell anyone and I'll kill you." I joked.

"Oh, feisty. I like it." I laughed and pushed her off me. We watched tv for a while and then I told het to get dressed. I told her we were going to the bar to have a few drinks. About an hour later she was dressed to kill. She had on a dark blue jean skirt and a black halter top. She was wearing a pair of black boots that came up to her knees and made her my height. Her hair was in a nice loose bun and showed off her new tattoo. I smiled and kissed it.

"I really like it." I told her. "And you look...amazing." She smiled and kissed me. I smelt her perfume. It wasn't strong but it wasn't girly. It was the perfect mix of brown sugar and honey.

"Kiss my neck." she pointed to a spot just under her ear. I smiled and did as I was told. I kissed her neck softly. I licked my lips as I pulled back and smiled.

"You taste like honey." I said. She smiled and held up a bottle of lotion.

"It's edible lotion. Well, you can't eat it out of the bottle but it has a good taste if you kiss me instead of a nasty taste." she explained. I nodded and kissed her again. I bit down slightly and she moaned. "We could always stay here." she offered. I wanted to say yes but I remember that Heather had a plan.

"We can continue later. I promise. Let's go out and have fun. The boys missed you." I told her. She agreed and we left. I wondered what exactly Heather had planned on the way there. We pulled up and saw Bodie sitting outside. He had a huge smile plastered on his face. We got out and Vanessa ran up to hug him. He lifted her off the ground and swung her in a half circle. I smiled and walked over to them.

"Billy." he greeted me.

"Bodie. She branded herself, did ya see?" I asked. She turned around and showed Bodie and he smiled and groaned.

"Aww now you've given him a big head." he teased. I punched him in the shoulder and he walked toward the door. He looked over his shoulder at me as he went for the door handle. He swung the door open and Vanessa walked through. She jumped as Bodie hit the lights and everyone screamed.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY VANESSA!"

She whipped around to me and gaped. I held up my hands. Before I could say something, people already had her in the huge group of people that included the rest of the gang, the guys from the shop, some regulars from the bar and some of her friends from around town. Finally after the hellos and happy birthdays everyone was settled and drinking or playing pool. Vanessa, Heather, Bodie, Joe and me were at a table drinking. Vanessa sat in my lap as she downed another shot of Jack Daniels. I laughed and took my own shot. She sighed and leaned against me. I kissed her neck and she giggled.

"Oh she's trashed." Heather slurred.

"And what are you?" Vanessa retorted. We all laughed. We were there for about 3 hours, laughing and talking. I played a couple games of pool with Bodie and even did a team game with Vanessa against Heather and Joe. At one point Joe pulled me aside and told me he didn't hear anything tonight but he had ears out. Vanessa even got Bodie to dance with her. It was quite a sight. But we had a good time. At about 2am I was carrying Vanessa through the apartment door. Joe had helped me and then crashed into his room. I laid her on the bed and undressed her. I knew she got hot when she drank so I left her in her panties and a cami. I got dressed and laid down next to her. I thought she was asleep already but then she rolled over and laid her head on my chest.

"Thank you for taking my out tonight." she said sleepily.

"It was Heather's idea. I just got you there. But I'm glad you had a good time. I didn't know Bodie could dance. He'll kill you if he remembers." I warned her. She laughed a little.

"No, you wouldn't let him."

"No, I wouldn't. Get some sleep." I said and kissed her head. She nodded and she was out again. I was only asleep for about 2 hours when I heard a banging on the door. I grabbed my gun and walked to the door. No one was there. This time there was a picture. I picked it up and looked at it. I felt angry rise inside of me. And turned it over to see the same message as earlier. I flipped it back over and looked at the photo. It was Vanessa getting her tattoo done. I folded it up and put it in my dresser. I looked over at her sleeping and laid back next to her.


	17. Incriminating Pictures

I woke up the next morning with a pounding in my head. I groaned and threw the pillow over my face. I heard a grunt next to me and peeked out to see Billy covering his face with his hands. I reached out and pulled one off. He looked at me then rolled over next to me.

"Morning." I whispered. I was afraid to talk too loud. My poor head couldn't take it.

"Morning. How's your head?" he asked kissing my neck. I shivered and he kissed his way down to my shoulder.

"Ummm...it's okay." I mumbled as he kissed a path to my chest. He laughed and got up. I pouted and threw my pillow at him. "Tease!" I yelled at him as he walked out. I jumped to go after him and ran into his back when he stopped suddenly as the doorway to the kitchen. He laughed as I hit him. I wrapped my arms around his waist and laid my head on his back. Joe walked in and made a gagging noise.

"What would people think of you if they knew how you acted with her?" he asked.

"They wouldn't, I'd kill 'em first." Billy told him. I shook my head and sat down. Billy and Joe looked at each other then at me.

"What?" I asked.

"How about you go get in the shower and when you get out I'll take you our for breakfast?" Billy asked me. I looked at him for a second and nodded. I walked into our bedroom and gathered mt clothes. I turned the shower on hot and let the water fall all over me. I sighed deeply and stood there. I started to wash my hair when I got really dizzy. The whole room seemed to spin and I tried to grab something but I was falling to fast.

* * *

_**Billy's POV**_

I waited to say anything until I heard the bathroom door close. When I did I pulled out the picture that I found last night.

"I found this last night. Same message as before. Someone came up banging on the door and left it." I told Joe as he looked at it.

"The day she got her tattoo. It was taken from outside. I don't remember seeing anyone. I wasn't really paying attention. She had a death grip on my hand. You're going with her next time." he told me. I laughed and nodded.

"We need to listen out. And keep low for now." I told him. "You think she'd get another one?" I asked him.

"Yeah. She said it hurt at first but it wasn't that bad. I think you could convince her." he told me. I was about to say something but I heard a loud thump from the bathroom. Joe's head shot up and we ran to the door.

"Vanessa! You okay?" I yelled through the door. I didn't hear her so I kicked the door in. I looked in the shower and saw blood swirling in with the water. She had fall and hit hear head on the side of the tub. I looked up at Joe who wanted to check on her but was afraid to look at her because she was naked. "Joe, grab a towel."

He walked to the closet in the hall and threw me a towel. I picked her up and wrapped it around her. I carried her into the living room and laid her on the couch. She had a nasty cut on her head. It wasn't bleeding much but it was bleeding.

"Vanessa, wake up." I said shaking her. I saw her eyes move but never opened. "Vanessa, wake up. Come on." I said more forcefully. She groaned and opened her eyes. "Hey. What happened?" I asked her.

"I don't know. I was washing my hair and I just got dizzy. My head hurts." she whined.

"Joe, go get the first aid kit. It's ok. You have a bad cut on your head from when you hit it." I told her. Joe came back and set the kit in front of me. I learned how to clean a wound and tape it up years ago. I had to. Bonez wasn't going to take us to the doctor if we fell or anything. I cleaned her head and taped it up.

"I should be a doctor." I joked.

"I'll be your nurse." she smiled. I laughed and kissed her head.

"You sure you're ok? You don't wanna go to the ER or anything?" I asked. She shook her head and winced.

"No. I just can't fall asleep anytime soon incase I have a concussion."

"Well, then you'll be kept awake. So how about I help you get dressed and we go for breakfast?" I asked. She smiled and I carried her to the room.

"I hit my head. I didn't break my leg." she told me while I was walking.

"I know but I'm trying to be nice. Take it. It only happens a few times." I joked. She smiled and we got her dressed. Now, I have helped many women get undressed but never had I helped them get dressed. There's a first time for everything, I guess. We drove to a little diner down the street and sat down.

"What do you want?" she asked me. I looked at the menu and sighed.

"Not too hungry. Get what you want. You too Joe." I told them. Joe snatched the menu from me.

"You buying me breakfast. How can I say no to that?" he joked and flipped through the menu. The waitress cam up and they ordered.

"I want the short stack of pancakes, two eggs, scrambled, and grits." Joe ordered. She looked ay Vanessa and she bit her lip.

"Hummm...ok. Short stack, bacon, hash browns, three eggs scrambled, toast and a muffin." The lady smiled and walked away. Me and Joe gaped at her.

"What?" she asked.

"Hungry?" Joe asked laughing. Vanessa pouted and looked at me.

"Yes." I laughed and wrapped an arm around her. We got our food and to mine and Joe's amazement Vanessa ate every single bite she ordered. I shook my head as we left.

"And how are you so skinny?" I asked. She smiled and got into the passengers seat.

"Good genes, babe. Good genes." As we were pulling out I noticed a black SUV in the far corner of the parking lot. I looked one last time and pulled out. I kept checking my rearview mirror to see if they followed.

"So where to know?" Vanessa asked fiddling with the radio. I slapped her hand and put it back on my station. She pouted and put her feet on the dash.

"To Heather's. I got some business to take care of and you haven't seen Heather much." I told her. Joe looked at me from the back and I nodded at him.

"Ok. What time will you be back?" she asked.

"Later."

"Are you going to come back and pick me up?" I looked over at her.

"Are you afraid of your apartment?" I asked a little more annoyed than I should have. She just stared at me and sat back. The rest of the drive was silent. We pulled up and I barley got to put the car in park when Vanessa flung her door open. She slammed it shut and walked inside. I sighed and got out. I looked back at Joe and told him I'd be right back. I ran to catch up to Vanessa in the stair way.

"Vanessa! Wait!" I called for her. She stopped and turned around on the steps. She crossed her arms and glared at me. "Don't be like that." I warned her.

"Like what?!" she snapped.

"A bitch!" I yelled.

"When you stop being an ass, I'll stop being a bitch. Until then, get used to it." she spat and turned around. I grabbed her arm and stopped her. She tried to pull away but I tightened my grip. She winced and I loosened it.

"Stop. I didn't mean it like that. Not now or in the car. But I just don't see why you'd choose to be at my place rather than yours." I told her calmly.

"Because you're there. And I feel safer there. Even when you're not home." she said softly. I pulled her into a hug and rubbed her back.

"You can stay as long as you want. You know that. I love having you there and so does Joe. Okay?" I told her. She nodded into my chest. I let her go and looked at her. She smile weakly and we walked to her old apartment. I kissed her and told her I'd be back later to get her. I walked out back to the car and got in. Joe was already in the passengers seat and he looked at me.

"I saw the SUV." he told me.

"Yeah, me too." I told him and drove off in the direction of the Four Roses. We needed a little meeting.

* * *

_**Vanessa's POV**_

Billy dropped me off and me and Heather decided to catch up.

"So did it hurt?" she asked about my tattoo.

"A little at first. But the pain dimmed as he went on." I told her digging into my Strawberry Cheesecake Ice Cream. We had run to the store and bought a huge tub to share while we talked.

"I like it. Even though it's a guys name." she said.

"It's not just a guys name, it's Billy's. He loves it." I told her.

"I bet. You've been branded." she laughed.

"Yeah. He told me that now it was undeniable, I was his." We talked and laughed until we got full of the ice cream.

"If someone would have told me 8 months ago that I'd be here instead of college, I'd call them crazy." I stated sitting on the couch.

"Me too. I knew we were going to be friends but I never expected us to be this close. And you and Billy?! Shesh, I didn't see that coming at all." she told me.

"Me either."

"So what happened to 'It's only a casual thing, Heather.' That was a load of shit and I knew it." she laughed. I hit her arm and laughed.

"Well, it was. It just turned out to be more over time." I defended myself.

"He's changed." she told me.

"No, he's still Billy." I told her.

"Yeah, but I can't tell whether he's softer or meaner. He's so different around you but he's so much more protective of you. I guess he's both. Ironic, huh? Getting meaner and nicer all at once?"

"Yeah. He's something else." We watched tv and eventually fell asleep on the couch. It was Billy that woke me up at 1am. I looked over and Baggy was taking Heather to her room. Since I had gone, he moved in to keep her company. He kept it clean for his own safety.

"Come on, let's go home." he whispered as he helped me out the door. I got into the car and passed out again. I woke again when we stopped at a gas station. I got out to stretch and saw Billy inside in line. I went to get back in when someone pushed me against the car. He held a gun under my chin and yelled me. I looked behind him to see Billy running out the door.

"Tell your little boyfriend to be careful! We're here to stay, bitch!" He ran off and jumped into a black SUV. Billy ran up to me and held me as the car drove off.

"Are you okay? Did he hurt you?" he asked holding my face.

"No. He just told me to tell you to watch out. He said they were here to stay."I said trying to be calm. He sighed and pulled me close.

"Alright. Let's go home. I'll deal with this tomorrow." I nodded and got into the car. We drove home silent. We walked into the apartment and Joe was waiting for us. He looked pale and hid something behind his back.

"Vanessa, I need to talk to Billy, alone." He said shakily.

"Did you get another note?" Billy asked. Joe looked between Billy and me and nodded. "They attacked her in at the gas station. What is it this time?" Billy asked. He was slowly losing his self control and I knew it. I saw Joe hesitate and handed a manila folder to Billy. Billy looked at it suspiciously and opened it. He pulled out a stack of pictures and pales immediately.

"Billy?" I asked. He looked at me and shook his head. He put the pictures in the folder and handed them back to Joe. I grabbed them before Joe could take them.

"Vanessa! Don't!" Billy screamed at me. I pulled the first picture out and nearly fainted. It was Billy and some girl. Naked and in bed. It was dated two weeks ago so it happened when I was gone. But it still hurt. The rest were just like it. Someone had spied on him and taken pictures of them having sex. I covered my mouth as I felt my stomach contents come up. I dropped the pictures and ran to the bathroom. I finally lifted my head from the toilet to see Joe holding a rag for me. I wiped my mouth and my face. I held it here for a moment. I let if fall only to see Billy kneeling in front of me looking at the floor. I brung my knees up to my chest and looked at him. He looked up at me and sighed.

"I'm sorry." he said softly. "It was a mistake. I was drunk and I missed you."

"It's ok." I said softly. He looked up at me again and shook his head. "Yes, it is. I didn't expect you to wait for me. I understand. As long as it never happened while I was here."

"No. Never. And it will never happen again. I want you and only you." he told me. I crawled over to him and wrapped my arms around him. He returned the hug and picked me up. Joe looked at us as we walked out.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah. Just a little sick, I guess." I said softly looking at Billy. "I think I'm going to call it a night." I told them and looked at Billy. "You coming?"

"Yeah. Night Joe." I gave Joe a hug and we walked into the room. We were silent as we got dressed for bed. I didn't want to admit that it was an awkward silence but it was. We laid in bed with a nice bit a space between us. Tears spilled from my eyes not feeling him closer. He pulled me to him and held me tight as I cried. I knew I had no right to cry but seeing him with another woman killed me inside. I know he wasn't unfaithful. But it made me realize what a huge mistake I made in leaving.

"I'll never leave you again, Billy." I told him softly.

"Good. I'll never let you." I looked up and kissed his lips lightly. "I love you, Nessa."

"I love you too, Billy." He kissed me one last time and it made everything go away. His soft lips on mine and his tongue massaging my mouth. It was heaven and all else was forgotten that night.


	18. I Will Love You

About a week had passed and Billy didn't leave me once. I went to the bar with him, I went to the office with him and I went to the shop with him. He was making sure that if those guys were going to attack me again they would have to go through him. I barely got to pee by myself and that's bad because I was using the bathroom a lot. I woke up that morning at 3am and went to the bathroom again. I laid back in bed and heard Billy sigh.

"You really need to quit that." he told me.

"What? Using the bathroom? I can't really stop that." I told him softly.

"Well, stop drinking so damn much."

"First you want me to stop using the bathroom now you want me to thirst to death." I snapped at him.

"What the hell?" he asked rolling over and looking at me. I sighed and laid down with my back to him. I heard him sigh and roll over. I felt his arms go around my waist and pull me over to him. He kissed the back of my neck and I sighed. I tried to wiggle away but he held onto me. I relaxed in his arms as he trailed the kisses down my neck to my shoulder. He slowly pushed the strap of my tank top down and kept kissing his way across my skin. He leaned up and pulled me onto my back and trailed the kisses across my chest. I gasped when he nipped the skin above my breast. He sat up and grabbed the end of my top to pull it off. He leaned back down and kissed me neck. His lips found their way to the spot just under my ear and sucked lightly. I felt the heat rise in my body and shifted under him. He smirked against my skin and sat up to remove his shirt. I smiled and ran my hands across his bare chest. He smirked down at me and started to take off my shorts. I arched off the bed to help him and he threw them in a pile with the rest of my clothes. He ran his hands up my legs and kissed my thighs. He pulled of my underwear and settled in between my legs. I was about to reach for his pants when he moved away. I pouted and he smiled. He leaned down to kiss me as he slipped two fingers inside me. I bit his lip and he groaned. He moved his fingers roughly and I moaned. I felt myself coming nearer to my peak and I reached for his pants. He pulled back again.

"Billy, please." I cried.

"What?" he whispered in my ear.

"I need you..."

"You sure?" he played coy. I bit his neck hard and he screamed. "Shit!" I smirked as he removed his fingers and took off his pants. I barely had time to prepare when he slammed into me. I screamed out and looked up at him. He had his eyes closed and a look of pleasure across his face. He opened his eyes and looked down at me as he slammed into again. "Happy?"

"Oh...yes.." I moaned. I moaned and clawed at his back and chest as he moved. He felt so good. Everything he did was perfect. They way he touched me. They way he moved inside me. They way he looked down at me as I moaned his name in pleasure. The way he filled me. It didn't get any better than this. There as no doubt he was god in bed and he knew it. He knew what to do to make your toes curls. He knew how to make you moan and scream. And he did it well.

I woke up again at 8am and went to the bathroom. I walked out and heard Billy and Joe talking. I crept over to the doorway and listened in.

"It's getting bad Billy. It's getting really bad." Joe said.

"I know. Trust me, I know." Billy sighed.

"What do you want to do?" Joe asked.

"Let's see how this meeting goes today. If it goes sour then we'll go to plan B."

"You sure?" Joe asked surprised.

"If they don't take this offer then yeah. I don't want to have to do this but it will get dangerous. I'm okay with going out and finally kick their asses but not when they tried to go after Vanessa. I'll make sure she's safe before I go out and start shooting." he said. I smiled hearing him say that. But it faded when I wondered what plan B was. I sighed and walked around the corner. They quickly hushed and stared at me.

"I know I'm not that attractive in the morning but do you really have to look at me like I grew another head?" I joked trying to act nonchalant.

"Sorry. And I think you look cute when you wake up." Joe said smiling.

"Awww thanks Joe. But as if you didn't know, I'm taken." I told him sweetly sitting on Billy's lap. We laughed and were about to talk about dinner when Billy's phone rang. I saw both men freeze and stare at the phone. Billy slowly reached out and answered it. I couldn't tell much from his side of the conversation as he used one or two words maybe. Mostly it was grunts and okays. He hung up and lit another cigarette.

"We're good." he said. Joe sighed and clapped his hands while Billy smirked a little. "They took the offer."

"We need to celebrate." Joe exclaimed. Billy nodded and picked me up off his lap.

"We will. Tonight. We'll meet up at the bar around 5 and relax. You wanna come?" he asked me walking over to the sink.

"Sure."

"You can't drink. You pee enough already." Joe teased and Billy chocked on his smoke. He coughed and laughed.

"Not funny, ass holes!" I yelled walking away. I heard Billy smack Joe and start after.

"See what you did." Billy told him. He pushed the door open and peeked in at me. I sighed and put a pillow over my head.

"What?!" I asked him. I felt the bed move as he laid next to me. He wrapped an arm around me and pulled me into his chest. I dropped the pillow and curled up to him. We laid there for a few minutes and eventually fell asleep. Our little impromptu session at 3am left us a little worn. When I woke up I was alone and it was nearly dark out. I looked at the clock and it said 5.

"Damn. I didn't think I was that tired." I mumbled as I crawled out of bed. I walked out and Joe jumped up and ran over to me.

"You ok?" he asked worriedly.

"Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?" I asked confused. He looked at me weird and yelled for Billy. He came out of the laundry room and walked over to me.

"Feeling better?" he asked.

"Why are you asking me this? I feel fine." I told them. They looked at me like they had this morning. "Did I miss something? And why did you let me sleep all day?" I asked them.

"You don't remember?" Joe asked.

"Remember what?" I asked getting impatient.

"You were sick. We fell asleep and about two hours later you woke up and ran to the bathroom. You threw up like six times. You felt hot so I gave you some NyQuil and let you sleep. You seriously don't remember?" Billy asked.

"No. I remember sleeping." I told them. Now I felt weird. Billy put his hand on my forehead and sighed.

"You fell fine. It must have wore you out. But you're feeling okay?" he asked again.

"Yes, I feel fine. Rested but great." I told them. "So how about we go wear me out?" I asked excitedly. They nodded hesitantly but agreed. I saw they were already dressed so I ran to get ready. I went to the closet and pulled on a dark jean skirt and put on a strapless black top. I got my black boots and zipped them up. I looked in the mirror and threw on a little powder and lined my eyes. I got my lotion and rubbed it on my neck and chest.

"Ready!" I exclaimed as I walked out. Joe grinned and Billy stared. I walked up to him and he leaned down and kissed my neck. He pulled back grinning.

"What?" Joe asked confused. I laughed and took Billy's hand in mine as he shook his head.

"Nothing, nothing at all." he smiled. We walked out and drove to the Four Roses. We pulled up and I saw that everyone was there. This must have been a big relief to have all the boys there. We walked in and everyone cheered. We walked to our table and Billy pulled me onto his lap. We had been there for an hour at the max and were having a blast. I challenged Billy to a game of pool. Somehow even though he was my opponent he ended he behind me and helping me hold the stick.

"Steady...Aim..." he whispered in my ear. I wasn't sure if him helping me was of any help at all. His broad chest was against my back and his arms were flat against mine. For a second I got lost in his tattoos and followed them up his arms. I turned around to face him and finished following them. When they ended I leaned up and kissed his neck. He dropped the pool stick and put me on the table. He smiled and kissed me as he stood between my legs making sure no one saw up my skirt. The kiss was hungry and hot. He pulled me closer until I swore we were one. All of a sudden all hell broke loose. The front door shot open and a gun shot echoed in the bar. Every screamed and dropped to the ground. Billy pulled me to the floor and held me to his chest.

There was at least three intruders and bullets were flying everywhere. Billy pulled me behind the counter by the pool tables and peeked over the top. He pulled out his gun and shot. I saw Heather in the corner crying. Baggy and Joe were in front of her firing at the men. I heard Bodie yell for Billy and tell him the deal went south. Billy cursed and pushed me between him and the counter.

**Til my body is dust  
til my soul is no more  
I will love you, love you**

"Stay here." he pulled out another gun and put it in my hands. "I'm going to get Bodie. Shoot whoever you don't know." I stared at the gun. He picked my chin up. "It'll be okay. I'll be right back." He ran over to Bodie who was behind our table and talked to him. I covered my head as I heard the shots get closer. I saw all of our guys in the back so I knew it was the men getting closer. I was about to move when I felt a hand go over my face. Before I could even scream or breath the man fell in front of me. I looked over to see Billy aiming his gun. Rage was spread across his face. He grabbed my arm and pulled me into a kneeling position.

"We're about to run ok. We're going out the back. When we get out there Heather has the money." he told me. I looked at him and shook my head.

"Money?" I asked.

**Til the sun starts to cry  
and the moon turns to rust  
I will love you, love you**

"This is bad, Vanessa. I need you and Heather out of here. We have a secret place just outside of Charlestown. No one knows it's there. It's the safest place I know. You're going to stay there until I come get you." he told me. I shook my head in disbelief.

"And if you don't come back?" I asked sobbing. He grabbed my face and looked at me.

"Then I want you to promise me you'll find a rich lawyer and let him take care of you." he said seriously. I cried and threw myself in his arms.

"You said you wouldn't let me leave. I don't wanna go." I told him. He pushed me away.

**But I need to know  
will you stay for all time  
forever and a day  
Then I'll give my heart  
'til the end of all time  
forever and a day**

"You have to. I'll come and get you soon. I swear." he told me.

"Billy, please." I cried. I saw Baggy run over to me and grab my arm. He kissed me one last time and held me close.

"Vanessa, I will always love you. Now, go!" he shouted as Baggy drug me out the back.

**And I need to know  
will you stay for all time  
forever and a day  
Then I'll give my heart  
'til the end of all time  
forever and a day**

"BILLY!!" I screamed. Baggy pulled me out the door and I saw Billy and Bodie stand up and fire as the door closed. He pushed me into a taxi with Heather and gave the driver directions to the small town outside of Boston. He threw some more money at us and ran back inside. I tried to open the door but the man locked it. He looked back at me with sad eyes. I knew him. He worked at the shop.

"Take me back!" I screamed as Heather held me and tried to calm me down. He shook his head and drove off. I looked back and saw people flood out the back door, guns still going off. I leaned my head on Heather's shoulder and cried.

**'Til the storms fill my eyes  
and we touch the last time  
I will love you, love you**

"They'll be okay. He's not going to leave you, Nessa." Heather told me softly.

"I'll love you too, Billy." I whispered as we passed the leaving Boston sign.

**I will love you, love you...  
I will love you, love you, love you... **

Song: I Will Love You by Fisher


	19. No Air

I watched her walk out and as soon as I saw her face disappear I stood up and fired. There was three men in the front of the bar. Me and Bodie both fired and slowly made our way to the backdoor and I prayed that they were gone. We pushed through the door and ran behind one of the trash cans. I reloaded as Bodie pulled out another gun. We locked eyes and nodded.

I stepped out and fired at the other two men. I saw one man go down and another fire at Bodie. I saw the bullet pass through his stomach and he fell. I kept firing as I ran over to him and pulled him behind the trash can. I looked from behind the bin and saw two more men walking towards me. I cursed myself and loaded again. I heard shots come from behind the men and looked out to see Joe, Heco and Baggy. I smiled and watched the men fall. I stood up and walked out. I was about to yell for them to call an ambulance when Joe screamed at me.

"BILLY!" I was about to turn around when I heard shot. I stopped and felt pain rush through my body. I looked down at my chest and saw blood seeping through my shirt. I fell to my knees as another bullet ripped through my shoulder. I felt my lung shut and I fell to the ground. I heard three or four shots from Joe's gun as he aimed at the man behind me.

I heard Joe and the rest of the guys run over and scream but I couldn't see them or understand. The only thing I saw and heard was Vanessa. She was wearing all white and was smiling. She walked over to me and kneeled next to me. She grabbed my hand and placed it on her stomach.

"You can't leave. I need you." she pressed my hand to her stomach again. "He needs you." I felt my eyes get heavy but tried to look at her. "You can't leave. You promised, Billy. You promised." He face faded as she walked away smiling.

"Come on, Billy! Open up." he cried. I opened my eyes and saw the boys. I felt myself being lifted and saw her once last time.

"I'll always love you." I heard her whisper before I passed out.

* * *

_**Vanessa's POV**_

I cried for days and wouldn't talk for longer. Some days I forgot to breath. My heart was constantly being squeezed and everyday without him killed me more. It had been just over a month and I didn't hear a word from anyone in Boston. I called the house phones, the cell phones and even called the bar. All had been disconnected. I tried to leave one day but Heather stopped me. We were staying in an old cabin right outside of town. They gave us enough money to pay and utility bills and buy food.

We didn't need to work but a week after we got there we went up to the local diner. I had to find something to get my mind off of Billy. We saved all the money we could and bought a nice little car from a dealership down the road. We bought a 2006 blue Honda Civic. The town was nice but we stayed away from getting to close. I still hadn't unpacked my bags yet. I was still waiting for Billy to come get me. But as each day passed I was slowly starting to loose hope.

"You okay?" Heather asked as we walked in work. I sighed and shook my head.

"No." I told her trying to stop myself from crying. She grabbed my hand and squeezed it.

"It'll be okay." she told me.

"No. What do we do if they don't come back?" I asked her softly.

"We move on." she told me softly.

"How do we know when to move on?"

"When we stop waiting." she told me. I looked up at her and let my tears fall.

"I'll never stop waiting, Heather. Never." she looked at me and tears filled her eyes. I wiped my eyes and stood up. As soon as I did I regretted it. I clamped a hand over my mouth and ran to the bathroom. Heather was hot on my heels and wet a napkin for when I got done. This had been constant for the past two weeks.

"You need to stop this. You're making yourself sick being this worried. I know you miss him but you can't let yourself go." she scorned me. I nodded and wiped my face. We stood up and walked out to start our shift. It was always slow so we usually just cleaned. We worked night shift. Heather didn't want to at first but I did. I could barely sleep during the day let alone at night so I worked through them.

It was nearly 7am when we finally finished our shift. Luckily we had the next two days off for Christmas. We gathered our things and headed home.

"I'm going to bed, Heather. I'm tired. If we wake up before it's too late I'll make us dinner." I told her walking to my room. She grunted and walked to hers. I laid there that night and cried. I hated being alone. I hated not kissing him, not touching him, not hearing his voice. I felt myself get sick again and rushed to the bathroom. I sighed when I let it out. I stood up and walked into the living room. I left a not for Heather telling her that I was going into town and left. I pulled up to the building and sighed. I walked in a went up to them desk.

"Where can I find recent newspaper clips from South Boston?" I asked the librarian. She pointed to a row of computers and I thanked her. I must have searched through over 200 articles and still nothing on any kinda of gang related acts in the past months. That made me feel worse. For them not to put it in the paper meant they wanted to keep it low. Gang wars. People didn't want to hear about it but some needed to know. Right as I was about to sign off a tiny clip caught my eye.

'_**Local Gang Leader Slain in Shoot Out**_

_by Amanda Flemming_

_A local gang leader was found shot to death in an alley outside of the Four Roses bar late last night. Witnesses say they heard numerous shots fired and at least six people were killed including the leader. Sources say the fight started when one gand tried to take over another's territory and the fight escalated. Medical officials have not released the names of the victims and police are trying to find family to notify.'_

My heart dropped and I felt faint. I stood up and took a few steps. The last thing I saw was the librarian running over to me as I fell. Then it all went black.

"Vanessa, wake up." I heard Heather whisper next to me. I opened my eyes and blinked a few times. She gave me a watery smile and squeezed my hand. "Hey."

"Hey. What happened?" I asked.

"You fainted. The librarian called 911 and they brought you here. She noticed that you worked at the diner and they called up there asking if they knew you. Jill called me and I came up here. What were you doing at the library?" she asked. It all came back to me and I sobbed.

"I found an article from the day after we left. It's the only one they've written since we've been gone. It said a local gang leader was killed along with five other men. They found him right outside of the bar, Heather." I cried hysterically. She held onto me and tried to calm me down. The doctor walked in and paused to let Heather calm me down.

"I see you're awake. How are you feeling?" he asked softly.

"Ok. My head hurts. Did I hit it?" I asked.

"Yeah. You got a tiny bump on the head. But it's not that I'm worried about. Tests show you're dehydrated and you're under the below average mark for weight."

"I've been stressed out this past month." I told him.

"She's literally made herself sick. She's throwing up every half an hour." Heather spoke up. He glanced at us and bit his lip.

"That's the other thing I'm worried about." he started.

"What?" I asked confused.

"You're pregnant, Vanessa." he said calmly. Heather fell off the side of my bed and I gaped at him.

"What? Are you sure?" Heather stuttered.

"Yes."

"How far along is she?" She asked when I didn't. I couldn't talk. For a second I thought I didn't breath.

"Only about two months. Still very early on but she needs to eat and calm down. Right now I'm labeling this as a high risk pregnancy."

"High risk for what exactly?" Heather asked crossing her arms.

"Miscarriage. I'm going to keep her for a few days and get food into her system. I will also write you a prescription for the morning sickness. Some women get it bad." he said and walked out. Heather sat back down on the bed and looked at me. I was pregnant. I was pregnant with Billy's child.

"He might be dead , Heather. He might have died and I'm pregnant. Oh god!" I sobbed again. She rubbed my back and told me to calm down

"You gotta calm down. You heard what the doctor said." she said softly. I nodded and laid back down. I wiped my tears away and looked at the ceiling.

How did I miss this? How did I not know? I've had this tiny baby inside me for two months, how could I not know? I thought back to two months ago. I smiled when I thought of the night that the baby was most likely conceived. It was the night I got back from New York. Tears filled my eyes again when I pictured him kissing me and touching me. Oh, I'd give everything to feel that again. Heather wiped the tears away but stayed quiet. She knew it was useless to tell me it was going to be okay. Even she didn't believe it anymore. Billy was most likely dead and I was 19 and pregnant. Where did we go from here?

"I have to go back. I have to. I need to know. Don't try to stop me, Heather. I have to do this." I told her. She looked at me and let a few tears fall. She nodded and wiped them away.

"I know. I'm coming with you. We're in this together, no matter what. Okay?" she said shakily. I nodded and pulled her down to hug me. I prayed that everything was ok. I prayed that he was ok and was waiting to come get me. I needed him. I looked down at my stomach, we need him.

"What are you going to do?" she asked looking at my stomach.

"I don't know." I told her. She looked down at and went to touch it. She looked at me and gently laid her hand on it. I felt big tears fall from the corners of my eyes.

"He said a month and a half. That means you're due in July." she told me.

"I think it was the night I got back." I told her.

"So late July, early August." she rubbed a circle on it and smiled. "You scared?" I let out a laugh.

"Yes. I'm scared because I'm 19 and pregnant. I'm scare because my boyfriend is probably dead. I'm scared because I've never even held a baby. I'm scared of not being a good mom. I'm scared of being a single mom. I'm scared of being alone and most of all, I'm scared of going back to Boston to find Billy dead." I ranted and cried. She pulled me close and rubbed my back.

"Just get some sleep. We'll be out of here soon." she said softly. I nodded and laid back onto the bed and closed my eyes.

"_Fix me pancakes." Billy ordered me. I looked at him and laughed. _

"_What?! Fix your own damn pancakes." I told him. _

"_But your's are better." he whined._

"_It's just powdered mix and milk, Billy. I don't do anything you don't do." I told him. He smiled and wrapped his arms around my waist._

"_Yeah, but you make them with love." he said. I laughed out loud and kissed him. I pulled back and smiled._

"_Alright. I'll make your pancakes." I told him walking into the kitchen._

_It was just me and him, Joe was out. I mixed the batter and poured it in the pan. I made him his usual four pancakes and spread butter on them. I set the plate in front of him and grabbed the syrup._

"_There, enjoy." I told him. I went to leave when he pulled me onto his lap. "What?" I asked. He shrugged and took a bit of his breakfast. I laughed and sat next to him. He looked over at me and held up the fork. He had a piece of pancake on it. I leaned forward smiling and took the bit. He smiled and took him a bit. I got up to fix him some more coffee and sat back down_

"_Thank you." he said as I sat back down. _

"_Your welcome." I looked at him expectantly and he smiled. He held the fork up again and I took another bite. _

"_See? Even you're addicted to your pancakes." he laughed. I smiled and sipped on my cup of coffee. When he was finished he pulled me into to his lap facing him. _

"_Feel better?" I asked._

"_Yep." He leaned forward and kissed me. I kissed him back and we pulled apart smiling._

"_Your lips are sticky." I told him. He laughed and kissed me again. "And sweet." I said as we pulled apart again. He smiled and stood up with me wrapped around his waist. I shrieked and he took my into the bedroom. "Is this all you do?" I asked._

"_Huh?" he asked as the threw me on the bed._

"_Eat, sleep and fuck." I said laughing. He smirked at me and took off his shirt. I bit my lip and stared at him._

"_I don't see you complaining." _

"_Oh, I'm not."_

I opened my eyes and stared at the white wall.

"God, I miss you." I whispered to the room.

**If I should die before I wake  
It's 'cause you took my breath away  
Losing you is like living in a world with no air  
Oh**

**I'm here alone, didn't wanna leave  
My heart won't move, it's incomplete  
Wish there was a way that I can make you understand**

**But how do you expect me  
to live alone with just me  
'Cause my world revolves around you  
It's so hard for me to breathe**

**Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air  
Can't live, can't breathe with no air  
It's how I feel whenever you ain't there  
It's no air, no air  
Got me out here in the water so deep  
Tell me how you gonna be without me  
If you ain't here, I just can't breathe  
It's no air, no air**

**No air, air  
No air, air  
No air, air  
No air, air**

**I walked, I ran, I jumped, I flew  
Right off the ground to float to you  
There's no gravity to hold me down for real**

**But somehow I'm still alive inside  
You took my breath, but I survived  
I don't know how, but I don't even care**

**So how do you expect me  
to live alone with just me  
'Cause my world revolves around you  
It's so hard for me to breathe**

Song: No Air by Jordin Sparks


	20. Miracle Worker

I spent the next two days in the hospital. They made me eat when I didn't want to and they made sure I took my medicine so I wouldn't throw it back up. Extreme morning sickness, they called it. I had to admit I did feel better. I had more energy and I think I actually smiled when a group of children came by to sing me Christmas songs. When I was released from the hospital Heather already had our stuff packed. I waved good bye to the nurses and left.

"You ready to do this?" Heather asked as we pulled onto the highway. I looked over and nodded.

"I have to. Not just for me but for the baby. If he's gone, I need to know." I told her. She smiled and reached over to grab my hand. I turned the radio on blast and listened to the soft music coming out. I threw my legs on the dash and softly sang along.

**I'm leaving today  
Living it, leaving it to change**

Slowly drifting into a peaceful breeze  
Tongue tied, twisted are all my memories  
Celebrating a fantasy come true  
Packing all my bags finally on the move

I looked over and saw Heather bobbing her head slightly. I reached over and pinched her and she started to sing with me.

**I'm leaving today  
I'm living it, leaving it to change**

As I'm driving I'm captured by the view  
Of so much beauty, the road becomes my muse  
The heat is rising and my head soars through the wind  
Cool, calm, collective is a child that's lost within

We smiled and sang along to the soft song with all the windows down. I stuck my hand out the window and let the wind weave through my fingers. I smiled and watched the cars and trees pass.

**I'm leaving today  
I'm living it, I'm leaving it to change  
I'm leaving today  
I'm living it, I'm leaving it to change  
But somehow I'm missing  
I think I really miss it  
one day  
Turn down the radio  
And I'm feeling like I've never felt before  
Turn down the memories of yesteryears and broken dreams  
I'm free, finally free**

I was going home. But there was no telling if it was going to be good or bad. I just hoped that he was okay. It's really the only thing I could ask for. Well that and for him not to freak when I told him I was pregnant. I never thought about that. If he was okay I'll wait a little bit. I'm not going to run back into town and say 'Hey! Billy, guess what? I'm pregnant.' No, he's liable to flip out and yell.

**Slowly drifting into a peaceful breeze**

I'm leaving today  
I'm living it, leaving it to change  
See I'm leaving today  
I'm living it, I'm leaving it to change  
I'm leaving today (I'm leaving it to change)  
Living it, I'm leaving it to change

Living it, leaving it  
Said I'm living it, leaving it  
Living it, leaving it to change  
(I'm leaving it to change)  
But somehow I miss it  
I think I really miss it  
One day 

"I think we can give Christina a run for her money." Heather joked. I huffed..

"Yeah, right. You cannot deny that woman has a killer set of lungs. She can sing better than most." I told her. She nodded and we continued to drive back to Boston. I ended up driving the last 20 minutes or so. My chest tightened and I felt tears in my eyes as we passed the 'Welcome To Boston' sign. I had been calm all day but now, now I was getting nervous. Now it finally set in. Today just might be the day that changes everything.

"Where do you want to go first?" Heather asked sitting up in her seat. She stretched and grabbed her water.

"I'm not sure. I don't wanna just show up at the apartments. They might not even be there." I told her. She nodded and looked out the window.

"We can go there anyways and see. Maybe if they did leave someone knows when they left." she told me. I nodded and drove to Billy's apartment. We pulled up and parked. I peered out the window and looked up at the building. We sighed and stepped out. We walked up to the door and knocked. Silence.

"Knock again." Heather told me. I did and still nothing. I grabbed the door and turned the knob. I looked over at Heather and pushed it open.

"Hello!" I called into the house. I walked in and froze. Nothing had changed. Nothing had moved. The beer bottles were in the same place as before. Everything was dusted over. I started to shake and walked back into the bedroom. I pushed open the door and our clothes were in the same spot. I felt tears falling as I ripped open the drawers. They were full. No one had been here since they day we left.

"It doesn't mean anything." Heather told me hugging me tightly. "Maybe they thought it wouldn't be safe coming back here."

"Or they could have died." I spat out. I covered my mouth with my hand and fell to the floor. "He can't be. Heather, he just can't be."

"Here. Let's go get something to eat and then we'll go check the bar. Come on." she pulled me to my feet and with one last look we left. She drove to the diner down the street and we walked in. I noticed a waitress that worked there before we left. She popped her head up and stared at us. Her face went white and she started to whisper to another girl.

"Maybe we should just get something at the corner store." I told Heather hesitantly. She noticed what I was looking at and nodded.

"Yeah. Let's get out of here."

We walked out and went to the corner store. We still got a few funny looks but that was it. We grabbed two sodas, a few bags of chips and a honey bun. We paid and left. We ate in the car and drove off to th Four Roses.

"Oh my god, Heather." I gasped as we pulled up. It was closed. The windows were boarded up and it was still tapped with the yellow caution tape. We stepped out and walked to the door.

"Think it'll be okay to go in?" Heather asked. I shrugged and pushed the door open. We walked in and covered out noses.

"God, what a horrid smell." I said holding my shirt over my nose. I stopped and looked around. There were puddles of dried blood everywhere. I shook my head and walked to the back. The pool tables were trashed and one had a huge blood stain on it. We walked out the back and walked into the alley. I stopped when I saw the pool of blood.

"This is where they said the gang leader was shot." I told Heather shakily. I saw something right next to it and kneeled down. I felt all my tears fall as I picked up the silver cross necklace. The necklace that Billy adorned everyday. I stood up and showed it to Heather. I saw her eyes fill with tears and she took it from me. She wiped it off and hooked it around my neck.

"Thank you." I whispered to her. We walked back out front and got in the car.

"What now?" I asked.

"Let's go to the hospital. Maybe they can give us something to go on." she told me. I nodded and started the car. We drove the 15 minutes to the hospital and got out.

"I hate these places." I joked trying to ease the tension. She smiled at me and patted my belly.

"But they do wonders. You're not as nearly cranky as you have been." I smacked her hip and we walked in. They were really busy. I stepped up to the counter and waited for the lady to get off the phone.

"I need some information on someone that might have been a patient..." she cut me off.

"Name?"

"Darley, William." I told her. She snapped her head up and looked at me.

"They can help you on the third floor." she said softly. I looked at her and Heather drug me to the elevators.

"Third floor is ICU." she told me on the way up. We stepped out and they were busy too. There was no one at the front desk so we walked down the hall to find a nurse. I looked into the big windows of each room as we passed. People were hooked up to machines and had tubes everywhere. We finally found a nurse and stopped her.

"We need some information on William Darley. He might have been a patient here." Heather asked her. She was about to respond but someone called out for her. We turned around and tears flooded my eyes when I saw Joe walking out of the elevator. I ran to him and wrapped my arms around him. He returned the hug and squeezed me as tight as he could. I pulled back and saw he had tears in his eyes.

"What are you doing here? We told you two to stay." Joe told me.

"It's been a month. I haven's slept in weeks. I read an article online and it said a gang leader was killed outside the Four Roses. Joe, I had to come back. I wasn't going to sit there and wait forever." I told him feeling a tad bit angry. He touched the necklace around my neck and smiled.

"Bodie was shot. He's fine. Spink didn't make it and neither did Tommy. Heco just got out the other day. Most of the guys that died were theirs." he told me. "We didn't bother going back the apartments. And Sammy closed down the bar temporarily." he told me.

"Joe..." I pleaded. I wanted to know about Billy. He sighed and grabbed my hand. He stopped in front of a door and slowly pushed it open. I looked in and saw Heco, Bodie, Baggy and Sammy sitting in chairs around the room. Baggy jumped up and ran to Heather. Bodie looked up at me with sad eyes. I looked at Joe and he pulled back the curtain that was in front of the bed. I tried to hold back my sob but couldn't. Billy was laying in the bed with tubed everywhere. I walked over to him and touched his hand.

"He's cold." I said to no one in particular. I felt Bodie's hand on my shoulder.

"He was shot twice. Once in the back and once in the shoulder. He's been trying to wake up. That's all the doctors are waiting for. He's healed and ready to go. He just needs to wake up. He's opened his eyes a few times and moved his arms but nothing big yet. The doctor said it should be any day now." he told me softly. "We wanted to come and get you but Billy gave us orders." I nodded and sat down on the bed next to him. I ran my fingers across his lips and chin. I sighed and rubbed his cheek.

"He'll be okay. The doctors tell us to talk to him. He said he pretty sure he can hear us." Heco spoke up. I smiled at him and looked at the rest of them.

"I'm so happy you guys are ok. We were so worried." I told them. Joe walked up to hug me and the rest followed suit.

"We'll give you some alone time. If you need us just yell." Bodie told me and walked out. I looked down at Billy and started to cry. I laid down next to him making sure I didn't pull anything out or hurt him in any way. I rested my head on his chest. I laid there and was still. Well except for the occasional shudder from my sobs.

"You need to wake up. We need you here. The boys miss you, they might not admit it but they do. Joe looks like he lost his dog. They've stopped everything to be here with you. Come back to us. They need you. I need you." I placed a hand on my belly. "We need you."

I laid there for about 20 minutes talking to him about my time away and how much I missed him. I suddenly got the urge to pee and walked into the bathroom. I washed my hands and face and walked out. I went over to turn on the tv before I crawled back into bed but a voice stopped me.

"I see you're still going to the bathroom every 10 minutes." I heard Billy's cracked voice. I spun around and saw those beautiful green eyes and that tiny smirk on the rugged face. I covered my mouth and was about to run to the door. "No. Wait. Come here." he told me. I walked over to him and he patted the bed next to me.

"I need to call the doctor, Billy." I told him. I let my tears fall as I laid next to him and he wrapped his arms around me. I cried and cried while he rubbed my back.

"I'm okay. I'm not going anywhere." he told me. I heard the door open and saw Joe and Bodie.

"I heard you crying...Billy!" Joe yelled. He ran to call the doctor as everyone rushed in. The doctor came in and made me move. He checked Billy over a few times and smiled at me.

"You damn women are miracle workers." he told me and walked out. Everyone was silent as they stared at Billy. But he stared at me. He pulled me back onto the bed and held me close. Everyone smiled and sat down.

"I love you, Nessa." Billy whispered. I looked up at him and smiled.

"I love you too, Billy." He smiled at me and pulled me back down to his chest. I heard everyone softly talking amongst themselves as I slowly fell asleep.


	21. Someday I Will Understand

Billy was released a few days later. His wound had already healed but the doctor's wanted to make sure everything else was ok. When everything was fine they let him go. We went back to the old apartment and cleaned up. I washed all the clothes and dishes while Billy wiped everything down.

"So how was Charlestown?" he asked as he sat down at the table.

"Ok. We got jobs. We bought the car. Just tried to keep busy." I told him rinsing off the dishes. I felt him come up behind me and wrap his arms around me. His hand landed on my stomach and I shivered. I still hadn't told him about the whole 'I'm having your baby' thing. Heather was constantly pestering me to though.

"I'm sorry I sent you away but I'm glad I did." he told me. I nodded and continued to wash the dishes.

"I understand. I didn't for a while but I do know. You were protecting us." I told him as I pulled the plug for the drain. I turned around and smiled up at him. He leaned down and kissed me. He grabbed my neck and pulled me closer. I rested my hands on his chest and kissed him back. Our tongues fought for a few minutes until he picked me up and set me on the counter. I wrapped my legs around him and kissed him hungrily. He slid his hands up my shirt and I sighed feeling his hands on me. I threw my head back as he kissed his way down my neck. He picked me up and walked off to the bedroom. I giggled as he threw me down and took off his jacket. I had missed this. He crawled on the bed and started to take off my pants. He snatched them off and kissed his way up my legs. I laid my head back and smiled. He wrapped his fingers around the sides of my panties pulled them down the length of my legs. He placed hot kisses on the inside of my thigh which made me shift. He pulled off his shirt and threw it by my pants and his jacket. He got on top of me and kissed me. He reached his hands down my sides and pulled my shirt up. He kissed my skin as it was uncovered. Making sure to pay special attention to the top of my breasts. He unclasped my bra and leaned up. He stared down at me and tilted his head.

"I've missed you." he told me. I smiled and reached for his belt. I unbuckled it and pulled it out of the loops. He smirked at me and pushed me down. He slid his jeans off and got in between my legs. I started to get nervous as he pulled his boxers down. He placed himself at my opening and leaned down to my ear.

"How do you want it?" he asked huskily.

"Like old times..." I whispered. He smirked and slammed into me. I let out a scream and gripped the sheets beneath me. He gripped my hips and thrust into me time and time again. He looked down at me as he moved inside and I saw all the passion in his eyes. I saw the sweat drip from his face and down his bare chest. He leaned down and kissed my chest and up to my neck. I gripped onto his shoulders and dug my nails in I moaned his name. I felt his nails dig into my hips and I scratched across his shoulders. He grunted and slammed into me. We smiled at each other. Like old times. Before the drama, before the love. When there was just lust. We could still have that. I felt my stomach tingle and my toes curl as he went deeper and faster. I was about to scream out his name when his mouth covered mine and kissed me. I came at once while he was kissing me but he didn't stop. He thrust into me as I came around him. I shuddered and screamed in complete ecstacy. He thrust in and out until I came again. This time he couldn't hold back. He buried his face in my neck and bit down as he came. He pulled out and collapsed next to me. I smiled as he lit a cigarette and took a long draw. I laid my head on his chest as he exhaled. He wrapped an arm around me and closed his eyes.

"I saw you." he told me after a few minutes.

"What?" I looked up confused.

"After I got shot and when I was out. I saw you. You said you needed me." he told me softly. I scooted up so I was laying on the pillow with him and smiled.

"I do. Always will." I told him. He looked over at me and was about to say something but stopped. "What?" I asked. He shook his head and put the cigarette out.

"It's nothing." he told me and rolled over. I laid there for a minute and looked at the ceiling. Suddenly, it hit me.

"Damn it." I cursed as I got out of bed and ran to the bathroom. I picked up the toilet lid and let my dinner go. Billy came in after me and held my hair back. I leaned on the tub as he wet a rag and wiped my face. "Sorry." I mumbled.

"It's alright. Feel better?" he asked wiping my forehead.

"Yeah." I nodded.

"Maybe you should make an appointment to find out what's wrong." he told me. I sighed and sat on the bed as he laid down.

"Billy..." I started. "I had a reason for coming back. It was to see if you were alive but it wasn't just for me."

"What are you talking about?" he asked sitting next to me. I felt tears fall my from eyes.

"Billy, I'm pregnant." I whispered. He looked at me wide eyed and stood up.

"You were with someone else why you were gone?!" he screamed. I violently shook my head.

"No! I was pregnant when I left. I'd never do that to you." I yelled at him. He paced the room and rubbed his head.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he yelled.

"I didn't know. I found out when I passed out in the library."

"You passed out, why?" he asked.

"I wasn't eating and I was stressed. I couldn't bare to be without you and it was taking its toll on my body." I told him. He continued to pace.

"How far along are you?" he asked.

"8 weeks." I told him.

"That's why you said we." I mumbled. I didn't quite hear him though.

"What?"

"Nothing. You gotta get rid of it." he told me. I lost my breath and dropped my jaw.

"W-wha-t?" I stuttered.

"Get an abortion. Do you need me to spell it out, Vanessa?" he yelled. My tears fell more freely. He got on his knees in front of me and held my face so I would look at him. "Vanessa, think about the past 8 months? We fought, you've left, I've hurt you, you were and kidnaped and attacked, I was nearly killed. It's not that I don't want it but I also can't say that I do want it. But it's not fair to bring a...a baby into this lifestyle. It's not safe."

"It'll never be safe. And we'll never have another lifestyle." I reasoned. He shook his head.

"No. Not now. Not for a while."

"Not never!" I screamed at him. He grabbed my arms and yelled at me.

"Get rid of it!" he yelled. Tears fell and I let out a sob. "See?! This here is a prime example. I can't have a baby, Vanessa. You know this. We don't even know what we want how could we make decisions for a child? You're 19 and I'm 25, we just can't." he told me. As hurt as I was, I knew he was right. It wasn't fair to bring a baby into this lifestyle. But it also wasn't fair to not give it a chance. I pulled away from him when he tried to hug me and crawled under the covers on my side of the bed. I heard him sigh and lay down. He didn't try to touch me or hold me, but that was okay. I didn't want him to.

* * *

_**Billy's POV**_

I laid awake and looked at the wall. I knew she didn't want me near her so I stayed away. That's what 'we' were in my dreams. Maybe that's what 'he' was? The baby. A boy? I sighed and rolled onto my back and looked over at her. I saw her shudder and knew she was crying. It killed me inside. But it just wasn't fair. Yes, I was scared and yes, that was part of it. But I did wholeheartedly believe that it wasn't fair. It would be dangerous. If I ever had a kid I'd want it to be safe. My life isn't safe. It probably never will be. Great! Now I feel guilty. I knew she was the type that wanted kids. She'd be a great mom. Now I was taking that from her. We'll talk more in the morning. And boy did morning come quick.

I woke up to Vanessa jumping out of bed and running to the bathroom. I sighed and got up. I looked in the bathroom and saw her holding her head.

"Can you get the bottle from my purse?" she asked. I walked into the room and grabbed the bottle.

"What's it for?"

"Nausea." she said and popped the pill in her mouth. She stared at the ground and then back at me. "You're right." she said. My heart sank. "I'll call a clinic today. I'll get the abortion." she said wiping tears away. I nodded and held out my hand. She looked at it and stood up on her own and walked past me. I sighed and walked out. She sat on the couch and turned the tv on. I watched her from the doorway. She'd look cute all round and pregnant. I shook my head and heard a knock at the door. I opened it and Heather walked in.

"Hey, Billy. Feelin' okay, Nessa?" she asked casually.

"He knows, Heather." Vanessa said coldly. I sighed and sat down in the chair. Apparently, Heather didn't catch her tone and jumped for joy.

"Isn't this great, Billy?! I'm so excited." she squealed.

"I'm getting an abortion, Heather. So please, shut up." Vanessa spat and turned the tv up. I was shocked. She has never talked to Heather that way. Heather turned toward me with tears in her eyes and slowly walked out the door. I was about t yell at Vanessa until I saw tears streaming down her face. I walked over to her but she stood up and backed away.

"No. Don't touch me. Just get the phone book." she told me. I nodded and grabbed the phone book. I set it in front of her and walked into the bathroom to take a shower. I stepped out the shower and saw Vanessa sitting on the counter. I wrapped a towel around myself and walked over to her. She was crying. I wiped a tear away and she wrapped her arms around me and cried.

"I go next week." she told me. I swallowed hard and nodded. I pulled back and kissed her forehead without looking at her. I couldn't.

"Take a shower. Relax. I'll fix lunch." I said and walked out. I saw the note on the counter and sighed. I hoped this was the right thing to do. I really did.

* * *

_**Vanessa's POV**_

We ate lunch and I called Heather back over. We walked out on the balcony and sat down.

"I'm sorry for earlier. I didn't mean to snap at you like that." I apologized softly.

"Why? Why an abortion? Is it because he doesn't want it?" she asked.

"No. It's because it's not fair bringing a baby into this lifestyle." I told her.

"Then get a new one!" she yelled. I raised me hand at her and shook my head.

"Stop. The decision and appointment is made. I go next week."

"Do you really want to do this, Nessa?" she asked. My mind screamed no but my mouth said otherwise.

"Yes. I do." I lied. I was so conflicted. It killed me inside to do this but I knew Billy had a valid point. I just hope this was the right thing to do. Heather left a few minutes later and I walked inside. I felt my stomach growl and I sighed.

"What?" Billy asked walking up behind me. I but my lip.

"I'm hungry." I told him softly. I saw a small smile in his lips as he walked into the kitchen and fixed me a sandwich. He set it in my lap and sat down next to me. I sat crossed legged on the couch and ate my sandwich. I saw him glance at my stomach and look away rubbing his face. I decided against talking about it. I figured it would be easier. But he didn't.

"Do...do you wan me to go with you?" he asked shakily.

"No. I'll go alone." I told him. He nodded and turned back to the tv. We sat there the rest of the day avoiding the obvious and tried to keep sane. It only got semi-awkward when my medicine wore off and I ran to the bathroom. Joe came home about 4 and noticed my bathroom trips.

"Jeeze! Vanessa, peeing and throwing up! Someone would say you were pregnant. "Joe joked. Me and Billy nearly choked on the air and stared at him. He laughed but didn't notice as he walked into his room. It took a minute before he came running back out. He finally saw the looks on our faces and paled.

"You're...you're not...you are aren't you?" he finally spat out. Billy buried his face in his hands and I sighed.

"No, Joe. I'm not. Just a little sick." I lied. Billy looked up at me confused. Joe nodded and walked out. "It would hurt him and you know it." I told Billy when I heard Joe's door shut.

"Yeah." he agreed. This was going to be hell. I couldn't believe was having an abortion in a week. What am I doing?

**Nothin seems to be the way  
That it used to  
Everything seems shallow  
God give me truth, In me  
and tell me somebodys watching  
Over me  
And that is all I pray is that**

**Someday I will understand  
In Gods whole plan  
And whats Hes done to me Oh but maybe  
Someday I will breathe  
And Ill finally see  
See it all in my baby**

**Dont you run too fast my dear  
Why dont you stop  
Just stop and listen to your tears  
Theyre all youve got**

**Its in you  
You see somebodys watching  
Over You  
And that is all I pray is that**

**Someday you will understand  
In Gods whole plan  
And what he does to you  
Oh but baby  
Someday you will breathe  
And youll finally see  
Youll see it all in your baby  
Youll see it all in your baby**

**No moment will be more true  
Than the moment  
I look at you**

**Its in you  
You see somebodys watching  
over you  
and that is all I pray is that**

**Someday you will understand  
In Gods whole plan  
And what He does to you  
Oh but maybe  
Someday you will breathe  
And youll finally see  
Youll see it all in your baby  
Youll see it all in your baby**

**Youll see it all in your baby  
Youll see it all in your baby...**

Song: Someday(I Will Understand) by Britney Spears


	22. Never Too Late

The week had gone by somewhat fast. I wished it didn't but it had. I kept my distance from everyone including Heather and Billy. I didn't want to talk to any or hear them talk to me. I got up in the mornings and ate breakfast, took a shower, watched tv, ate lunch and took a nap. Billy came home and we ate dinner in silence and then went to sleep, each of us on one side of the bed. It was bad enough that I felt like I was being torn apart but now we were falling apart. I didn't want to do this on my own but I knew how he felt. He told me. He didn't want it. It wasn't fair. It wasn't safe.

Today was the day. I woke up with a rough sickness in my stomach but it wasn't morning sickness. It was the kinda sickness people must get before they change their lives forever. Before they take a life...

I looked over at Billy and watched him sleep for a moment. I laid there and watched his chest rise and fall, could we ever get back to the way it was? Or will this change us forever? I rolled out of bed and got dressed. I wanted this to be over with. They told me not to eat anything so I grabbed Billy's keys and left. Billy had told Heather to take the Civic and I'd take his car until he got me one. I walked out into the cold Boston weather and sighed. This was supposed to be a happy time of year but now it was full of regret. I could feel it in the air and I haven't even done it yet. I breathed in the crisp air and got into the car. The rumble of the engine startled me and made me realize what I was about to do. I wiped a stray tear away and drove off. It was only 8am and my appointment wasn't until 10 so I drove around town. I hadn't realized how much I missed it until I had left and come back. It was dangerous but it was home. Before I realized it I was at the cemetery.

"Hey daddy. It's me, Nessa." I said as I sat down next to the gray stone with my father's name on it. "Sorry, I haven't been here in a while. After school I ran from mom and Duncan. Last I heard they were in Miami and getting a divorce. I tried calling her but she never answered. I've been real busy lately. I went to New York for a while but came back. I met this guy. His name's Billy. He's uhh...in a gang but he treats me right. We had our rough spots but we made it through somehow. But I don't know if we can make it through this." I started to cry. "God, I wish you were here. I need you, daddy. I'm so lost. I don't know what to do. I wish mom would be a mom but that's never going to happen. I just need someone." I sobbed. I laid there for a while and let my tears soak the ground. I looked at my watch and saw 9:30am. I kissed the stone and walked off.

"I hope you don't hate me after this." I whispered as I drove off. I drove down the snow covered streets until I saw the Women's Clinic of South Boston. I parked the car and sat there. Was I really going to do this? Billy had valid points but did I want to...kill my baby? Our baby? I thought about the past year and how much I had changed. I met Heather, then Billy. I had the ride of my life with him. Good times and bad. He had literally killed for me. I had fallen for him. I knew he loved me. He opened up to me. Not fully but he did. I knew why he was like he is now. I understood. Some people can't go any other way. This was the high road compared to where he could have gone. It's what you choose along the way that makes you. He met me. I heard the front door slam and I jumped. I saw a girl walk out and run off. I looked at the clock and it said 9:47am. I sighed and got out.

I wrapped my jacket around me tight and slowly walked up to the doors. I pulled them open and walked inside. It was clean, at least. I walked up the front desk and a lady smiled.

"Appointment or walk-in?" she asked,

"Appointment, 10am." I told her. She looked in the computer and then back at me.

"Vanessa Hollings?" she asked. I nodded and she pointed me to a waiting room. "Fill this out in there. The nurse will out to see you soon."

I walked into the room and sat down. I looked at the clipboard she had handed me and filled it out. It asked all the usual questions. Name, age, date of birth, weight, and reason for being here. Then it asked how far along I was, was there any kind of complications, does the father know, do I know the father, am I sure I was ready.

"No." I mumbled to the last question. I finished the paper work and waited for the nurse. The room started to get hot the longer I waited. I looked around the room and saw pictures of women with little babies and women pregnant. I sighed and closed my eyes. They want you to feel guilty, don't they? I rubbed my hands on my jeans as I saw a lady walking towards the room. She opened it and smiled.

"I'm Nurse James. You're Vanessa, right?" she asked. I nodded. "You can follow me." I followed her into the very back and walked in to a tiny room. I felt my hear pound as I sat down. She handed me a gown and sat on a stool.

"I need you to change into that. This is a fairly simple procedure and won't take long. You'll need to take your antibiotics like the directions say. I'll need to see you in a week. Bleeding will be like a normal period but if it is excessive call me or 911. I'll leave you to get changed." she said and walked out.

I felt tears spill as I held the gown. I closed my eyes and my dad flooded my mind.

_'He needs you. He needs you like you need him. They both do. He's just scared.'_ he told me. I shook my head. _'I'll always love you, Nessa.'_ I sobbed into the gown and placed a hand on my stomach as I cried.

"I'm so sorry..." I whispered and stood up.

* * *

_**Billy's POV**_

I woke up around 8:30 and rolled over to an empty bed. I felt where Vanessa should have been and it was cold. I sat up and looked around. My heart dropped when I realized what day it was. I sighed and rolled out of bed. I walked over to my dresser and grabbed a cigarette and lit it. I walked back to the bed and sat down. It was quiet. It was eerily quiet. It'd never be this quiet with a baby...Damn it! Stop. I put my cigarette out and walked into the bathroom. I turned the shower on and got undressed. I stepped in and let the water fall on my back. I titled my head back and let it roll over my head and down my face. I sighed and laid my hands on the wall as the water droplets pounded my neck and shoulders. Images of my mom floated through my head.

_'They need you. She needs you, he needs you. They will love you.'_ I heard her say. I shook my head. _'They already love you. Don't give this up. Don't be like him.'_

I knew who she meant. I vowed I'd never be like him. He ran away from everything. He didn't mind us kids unless my mom was there. But when she left, he gave up. He didn't fight or try at all. He automatically assumed he'd fail.

_'Don't give it up, Billy. Don't be scared. She's with you. She'll help you. She won't leave. Don't be afraid. It's ok...'_ I opened my eyes and stared at the wall. I turned the water off and got out the shower. I dried myself off and wrapped the towel around my waist. I walked into the kitchen and grabbed the bottle of Jack. I sat on the couch and stared at the bottle on the table.

I wasn't like him. I was a fighter. I wasn't just some low life gang leader. I wasn't just some tattoos asshole who ran the South Boston area. I had changed. She had changed me. She made me remember what it felt like to have someone care. She reminded me of my mom. She saw through Bonez attitude and roughness. She saw him. Vanessa saw me. It wasn't intentional but she saw me. Because of me she's gone through hell but she kept coming back. Even though the pain she had been through wasn't my fault, part of me blamed myself. Why am I putting her through this? No one else is to blame for the pain she feels now, it's all on me. I sighed and stood up. I grabbed the bottle and threw it in the trash. I looked at the clock and it flashed 9:30am. I had 30 minutes. I got dressed and went to grab my keys.

"Fuck! Of all god forsaken days!" I screamed when I remember that I had let her take the car. I picked up my phone and called Bodie. "Loose the corner and come get me. Now!" I yelled before he could answer. I hung up and grabbed the address she wrote down. I waited for him outside. I heard the car pull up and jumped in. "Go." I handed him the address. He pulled off and looked at me funny.

"This is the women's clinic." he told me. I nodded my head. "Is Vanessa there?"

"Yeah." I said simply.

"She's pregnant, isn't she?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"And she's there getting a..." he trailed off.

"Abortion." I finished for him.

"And you want to..."

"Stop her. So shut up and drive!" I barked at him. I pressed the gad and flew down the icy roads of Boston. We were quiet for a minute. "Tell me I'm doing the right thing." He looked over at me and smiled.

"I think you are. You're a different man than you were a year ago." he told me.

"What if I can't do it right?" I asked.

"You got Vanessa. You're both gonna be scared and angry at times but you have each other. That's more than a lot of people have."

"I just..."

"You're not Bonez. You never will be. Understand?" he yelled. I nodded and looked out the window. "It won't be easy but what in life is? You two have managed just fine. Just remember that she's still young. Even though you're scared, so is she. She needs you right now. Just like you need her."

I nodded and lit a cigarette as he drove. I was a selfish bastard but I didn't realize it until now. I kept looking at the clock and prayed we get there on time. He finally pulled into the parking lot and I saw the car. I jumped out and ran over, it was empty. I looked at my watch and it read 10:15am. I started to run into the building when I saw Vanessa walk out. She was crying. My heart dropped when she fell to her knees and sobbed. I shook my head and looked at Bodie. He gave me a sad smile and drove off. Was I too late?

**This world will never be  
What I expected  
And if I don't belong  
Who would have guessed it  
I will not leave alone  
Everything that I own  
To make you feel like it's not too late  
It's never too late**

**Even if I say  
It'll be alright  
Still I hear you say  
You want to end your life  
Now and again we try  
To just stay alive  
Maybe we'll turn it all around  
'Cause it's not too late  
It's never too late**

**No one will ever see  
This side reflected  
And if there's something wrong  
Who would have guessed it  
And I have left alone  
Everything that I own  
To make you feel like  
It's not too late  
It's never too late**

**Even if I sayIt'll be alright  
Still I hear you say  
You want to end your life  
Now and again we try  
To just stay alive  
Maybe we'll turn it all around  
'Cause it's not too late  
It's never too late**

**The world we knew  
Won't come back  
The time we've lost  
Can't get back  
The life we had  
Won't be ours again**

**This world will never be  
What I expected  
And if I don't belong**

**Even if I say  
It'll be alright  
Still I hear you say  
You want to end your life  
Now and again we try  
To just stay alive  
Maybe we'll turn it all around  
'Cause it's not too late  
It's never too late  
Maybe we'll turn it all around  
'Cause it's not too late  
It's never too late (It's never too late)  
It's not too late  
It's never too late**

Song: Never Too Late by Three Days Grace


	23. Passenger Seat

I walked over to her and stood her up. She fell into my arms and cried into my chest.

"I'm sorry, Billy. I couldn't do it. I can't let them take it. I know it's not fair and I know it's not safe but I want it. I leave if you want. But I can't get rid of my baby." she sobbed. I held her tight and kissed her head.

"You didn't get the abortion?" I asked. She looked up at me and shook her head.

"No. I'm so sorry." she cried. I wiped her tears away and kissed her lips softly.

"Good. I was afraid I was going to be late." I told her. She looked up at me with wide eyes.

"What?" she whispered.

"I shouldn't have asked you to get an abortion. It was wrong and selfish. The world will never be safe. I was scared and being an asshole." I told her softly. She looked up at me, the shock still written all over her face.

"So I don't have to get rid of the baby?" she asked. I shook my head. "We're gonna keep it?" A smile growing on her face as I nodded my head. "So we're gonna have the baby?" she asked. I nodded and pulled her close.

"Yeah, we're gonna have the baby." I told her. She jumped up and wrapped her arms around me. I laughed and picked her up. She kissed my face and neck and smiled at me.

"You sure?" she asked.

"No, but I'm not running away." I told her. She kissed me hard and pulled back.

"It's ok. We can do this." she told me.

"I know we can." I told her. She smiled and kissed me again. We walked to the car and drove home. It was silent but I knew she had something to say with the smile on her face.

"Talk." I told her. She smiled and turned in her seat.

"What made you change your mind?" she asked.

"My mom." I told her softly. She looked at me and tilted her head.

"Are you scared?" she asked. I as glad she let my first answer go.

"Scared shitless. But aren't we all when you're about to have a kid?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'm scared too." she told me.

"Heather's going to flip." I stated as we got to the apartment.

"Yeah. She'll jump on you so be ready." she laughed. We walked up the stairs and walked into the living room. Joe was gone. I took my jacket off and sat on the couch. She smiled and sat on my lap facing me.

"How far along are you?" I asked.

"Almost two and a half months." she told me. I looked down at her stomach and back at her.

"We need a bigger place or Joe needs to move out." I told her. "I'd rather get a better place."

"We'll look into it. We have time." she told me.

"What about baby stuff? I don't know what a baby needs. I don't know how to...work a baby." I told her. I didn't think of this before.

"Calm down. It's ok. I know what we need. And we have 7 months to get prepared. Just calm down." she sighed. "Please don't change your mind." she whispered. I grabbed her face and made her look at me.

"I'm not changing my mind. I'm freaking out. I'm pretty sure you will too so let me freak in peace. We're having this baby." I told her. I heard a plate crash and turned to see Joe wide a dropped jaw.

"What baby?!" he squeaked. Vanessa slid off my lap and I sighed.

"I thought you were gone?" I asked him. He walked over to me and looked at us.

"Well, I'm not. What baby?" he asked.

"Our baby." Vanessa told him. He looked at her and then at me.

"You're pregnant?" he asked her.

"Yeah." she answered. He stood up straight and grinned.

"I'm gonna be Uncle Joey." he declared. Vanessa laughed and I shook my head. She jumped up and hugged him. "So when will it be here?" he asked.

"Doctor said my due date was July 18th." she told him. He sat down and looked at me.

"You okay?" he asked me.

"Yeah. It's still sinking in." I told him. He smiled.

"When do you find out what it is?" he asked. Vanessa was about to answer when I stopped her.

"It's a boy." I told them simply. Joe smirked and Vanessa gaped at me.

"When I'm 18 weeks. I'm 10 now." she told him.

"It's a boy." I told them again. Joe laughed and walked off as Vanessa crawled back in my lap.

"How do you figure it's a boy?" she asked.

"Because I just do." I told her. She smiled and leaned down to my ear.

"I think it's a boy too." she told me and kissed my neck. I groaned and held her to my chest.

"I don't think I can go without sex for that long." I told her as she nipped my neck. She shot her head up and looked at me. Her lips were in a slight pout from kissing me.

"Who said no sex?" she asked.

"Well can we have sex while you're pregnant?" I asked.

"Yes. Just not too rough. And nothing that puts pressure on my tummy when I get one." she told me.

"What if I hurt it? I'm not he smallest guy, Nessa." I told her. She smirked.

"Trust me, I know. But you won't hurt it. Only time we won't be able to have sex is a few weeks after I have it. Okay?" she told me. I nodded and kissed her. It was hot but passionate. She was having my baby. I never wanted kids but I never wanted a serious relationship. I got both and that was okay with me. I played with her hair as out tongues mingled. I held her to me as I sat up and brung her with me. She squealed in my mouth but never took her lips off mine. She pulled back from the kiss and pulled on my bottom lip. I smirked and laid her on my bed. I laid next to her and she curled on my chest.

"Don't you need to get a doctor or something?" I asked.

"Yeah, the clinic gave me a list of OB/GYN's to call and talk to. I'll do that tomorrow." she told me.

"Do we need anything yet?" I asked. She laughed.

"No. We'll start getting baby stuff after we find out what it is. I'll need to get a new wardrobe soon and some lotion so I don't end up with stretch marks." she laughed. I nodded and kissed her head.

"Billy?" she whispered.

"Yeah?" I asked and looked down at her. She looked up and was crying but smiling.

"We're having a baby." she whispered. I smiled and kissed her lips softly.

"Yes we are." I told her and closed my eyes.

* * *

_**Vanessa's POV**_

It had been a week since the day I was supposed to have the abortion and to say the least I was shocked. I didn't expect Billy to be there when I got out of the clinic. Much less be there to stop me from getting an abortion. He told me that he wanted it. That he was selfish and an ass. I was past cloud 9. I was fucking soaring right now. He wanted to keep it. He already thought it was a boy. He asked a lot of questions but it's Billy Darley. The only time he was around a kid was when he was scaring it. I didn't know much about kids either but most told me that it comes naturally. It becomes an instinct when it finally happens. I still wanted to be prepared though.

Joe was excited. He kept calling himself Uncle Joey or Uncle Joe. He even asked if Uncle J would be better. Billy wanted to hit him. Heather flipped when I told her. She did jump on Billy and even kissed his cheeks. That got me a little bothered but I laughed at his face. It was disgust. Nothing against Heather but Billy was barley the touchy feely guy unless it was with me. I called the doctors the next day and found a nice one about 20minutes in town. I had an appointment that Tuesday. But that weekend we all gathered and celebrated.

"Ok, so here's to Billy and Vanessa! They've been through hell and back but are still standing and as strong as ever. I wish them the best and hope that it's a boy!" Bodie laughed. Every hooted and hollered while they clinked their glasses. I smiled at Bodie as he came over and kissed my cheek.

"Thank you." he whispered in my ear. I knew what he was talking about. Bodie has told me on numerous occasions that he liked that I had came into Billy's life. He saw that Billy had changed in all the good ways. He was less angry and was less harsh on everyone unless they fucked up. Billy has stepped up and pulled the shop together. They had enough business to keep up and to fix the shop itself up. Of course he still ran the streets but it wasn't as bad as it used to be. He was actually home more often. Everyone was. The were closer now that Bonez was gone. A lot of them thanked me but I didn't do it alone. It's a two way street. Billy had the choice to change or not.

"Here's your water." Heather said as she set my drink in front of me.

"Yeah." I grumbled. I wasn't allowed to drink. I knew that but it sucked that I couldn't anymore. Billy even stopped smoking when I was around. In fact, no one smoked around me. The guys tossed the cigarette's away like they were evil when I walked by.

"So Billy's gonna be a daddy." Bodie started. "What a shocker." he joked.

"Not Vanessa though." Joe piped up. "Vanessa looks like a mom type. A hot mom, but a mom type none the less."

"She better get ready. She's got the spawn of a Darley in there." Heco laughed. We all laughed.

"My spawn's not that bad." Billy tried to defend himself.

"Umm Billy, I was throwing up every five minutes before they put my on medication. I'm only 10 weeks so your spawn has caused me trouble already." I laughed. He pinched me and sipped his beer. We talked for a few more minutes about the baby. I never realized how weird it looked to have a bunch of tattooed gang bangers talking so happily about babies.

"Damn I wanna cigarette. Someone walk outside with me." Joe said to the table. I stood up first.

"No, stay. I'm gonna call it night. I'm not feeling so well." I told them. Billy stood up and walked up behind me.

"Me too. Joe don't come home making too much noise. I'll see you boys later." I hugged Heather and we left. I sat in the car with my head on the window as he drove.

"You okay?" he asked

"Yeah. Just thinking." I told him. He looked at me expectantly. "About how much it's about to change. I'm going to get fat, I'm going to give birth, then we're going to have a crying baby with us for the next 18 years. It's not gonna be the same."

"It never is. For anyone. Don't doubt yourself, Nessa. If you doubt yourself, I'm fucked to hell and back." he told me. "I'm sorry if my spawn has caused you so much trouble." he joked. I leaned over to him.

"That's ok. I like having your spawn." I whispered in his ear. I saw him grip the wheel and speed up just a little.

"Good." he groaned..

"But ya know what I like more?" I asked sweetly.

"What's that?"

"The way your spawn came to be." I whispered. I slid one leg over his seat and sat on his lap. He swerved and held my to his chest.

"You're going to get us killed. What the fuck are you...Oh fuck Vanessa." I reached my hand between us and slipped my hand over his manhood.

"Some say that women get hornier when they're pregnant." I whispered in his ear, slowly running my tongue across it.

"Then God help me." he said as he pressed the gas and flew through the streets looking over my shoulder as I kissed his neck. He stopped and opened his door. He held onto me tight as he pulled both of us out the car. I wrapped my legs around him fully and laughed when he stumbled out. WE heard a loud laugh and saw Heco walking towards us.

"That's why they have passenger seats." he laughed. I glared at him. "And that's probably why you're knocked up." Billy carried me past him and I slapped his head as we did. He walked to the elevator and pressed the third floor. He leaned me against the wall and kissed me hungrily. His hands were roaming the skin under my shirt and mine were taking off his jacket. The door dinged and he grabbed his jacket and walked out. He kicked through the door and walked to our room. He laid me on the bed and pulled his shirt over his head. I smiled and moved back onto the pillows. He crawled up the bed smirking. He kissed the top of my foot and moved up my leg. He got to my skirt and pulled it off along with my panties. He wasn't wasting any time tonight. He moved my shirt up to reveal my stomach.

He stopped and looked at me. I smiled when he bent down and placed soft kisses all over my belly. I bit my lip and forced my tears back. He pushed my shirt the rest of the way off and unclasped my bra. He kissed me as he undid his belt and jeans. The kiss wasn't hard or full of any kind of lust. It was full of love and desire. His tongue grazing my lips and tongue. A faint taste of whiskey still on his lips. He moved in between my legs and went to go for a condom. He frowned and looked at me. I laughed and pulled him down on me.

He entered me slowly and kissed my neck. I moaned as he started to quicken his pace. I closed my eyes and let a small smile play on my lips as we made love. This is what is it's like to be loved, to be happy. My hands ran to his shoulders when I felt myself getting closer. He moved harder to finish my off. I came hard around him and he wasn't too far behind me. He rolled off of me and sighed. He snuck one arm under me and pulled me over to him.

"I love you." he whispered. I smiled up at him and kissed his jaw.

"I love you too." He held me close and we tried to fall asleep. I knew it was going to be hard but knowing that he was okay with that made me feel easy about it. It was going to be long and hard but I think I've proved that I can handle things like that...

* * *

_**Billy's POV**_

I knew she was thinking, she was tensing up like she always does. But I wasn't going to bother her, hell I was thinking myself. I felt her skin shake when I pressed my lips to her stomach. It was slowly growing on me, the idea of a baby. There was just some sorta mystery about it. You didn't know what it was until half way through, you wouldn't know what it would look like, talk like, or how it would act until I came and grew up. It was kinda intriguing. The idea of watching part of you growing up.

I was afraid I'd be like Bonez but Vanessa swore to me that I wouldn't be. I had never been around kids but some were cute. I wasn't a total ass hole. I saw people with their kids in restaurants and saw how happy they were. If I was going to do this, I was going to do it right. Vanessa was with me and apparently 'Uncle Joey' was more excited than the both of us. The guys took it pretty well which made me feel easy. I was just hoping I didn't fuck this up like I had everything else. I pulled her closer and kissed her neck. My hand slowly found its way to her stomach and rubbed small circles on it. I felt her small hand cover mine and rub my thumb.

"It's ok." she whispered.

"I know." I told her and kissed her neck once again before finally falling asleep.


	24. Tables and Tubs

I rolled out of bed at 7:30 sharp and jumped on the shower. I stalled when I got out and saw myself in the mirror. I bit my lip turned to the side.

"Damn." I whispered as I noticed the very small but noticeable bump. I sighed and ran my hand over it and walked into my room. I pulled on a pair of jeans and a long sleeves shirt. I walked out into the living room and saw Heather waiting with a big smile. Billy was holding his head as she talked to him and Joe. Billy peeked out from under his hands and rolled his eyes at me.

"Can I kill her?" he asked. Joe and Heather looked up at me as I walked over to him.

"No because then you'd have to take me to my appointment." I told him. He shook his head and leaned back into the seat. I walked over to the counter and grabbed my keys. I felt eyes on me and turned to see Heather, Joe and Billy staring at me. "What?" I asked. Heather smiled and pointed to my stomach.

"You're showing already." she smiled. I looked down and sighed. Yes, you could see it through the shirt. I looked over at Billy who had the smallest of smiles on his lips. He caught my gaze and walked over to me.

"Be careful. I'll see you when you get home." he whispered. I kissed his lips and smiled up at him.

"I will. And I hate you just so you know." I told him. He smirked and kissed my forehead.

"You love me and ya know it." he said walking away. I looked at Heather and nodded. I gave Joe a quick hug and left. Heather drove to the clinic and I watched the scenery as we drove by. I leaned on the window sill and looked out. Snow covered the ground and kids were playing outside. I smiled when I saw one family having a snow ball fight. Maybe that would be me one day. I laughed a little and shook my head. Billy didn't seem like the snow ball fight type of guy.

"What's so funny?" Heather asked. I smiled and shook my head.

"Just thinking. Where is this place?" I asked.

She smiled and turned into a parking lot. I smiled and looked at the building. It was much better than the clinic I had first went to. It was three stories and had little teddy bears painted on the cement going to the front door. We got out and followed the pink and blue teddy bear path side by side.

"Billy didn't want to come?" Heather asked.

"He had to go to the shop today. One of the guys had a family emergency. He said he'd come next time. It'll be funny to see the people's faces when he walks in." I laughed. She nodded and pushed the doors open..

"You never know. They might be relieved to see someone like him take responsibility." she told me. I nodded and walked to the counter.

"Appointment?" the lady asked.

"Yes. 10am. Vanessa Hollings." I told her.

"Ok. The doctor will be with you in a minute." she smiled. I sat down next to Heather. We sat there for a few minutes and flipped through some magazines.

"I heard Billy think's it's a boy." she stated.

"He's very adamant about it too." I smiled.

"I think he's do good with a boy first." she said. I looked over at her.

"Really?" I asked.

"Yeah I think a boy would be easier for him right now. He'd be too worried with a girl. But he could still be somewhat tough with a boy." she told me. I smiled and looked back at my magazine.

"Yeah, you're right. And after this I won't be having one anytime soon and I'd like to give him a boy."

"Hollings?" a dark haired lady asked from the door way. I smile and stood up. I walked over to her and waved to Heather. "She can come if you like." she told me. Heather jumped up and skipped over to us.

"I'm Dr. Sandy Cutter. I'll be your doctor for the pregnancy and afterwards. So you know how far along you are?" she asked as we sat in the colorful room.

"I think I'm about 11 maybe 12 weeks." I told her. She looked at my stomach.

"Tiny for that time but we'll see." she said. "Where's daddy?" she asked slowly.

"He had to work. He'll be here next time." I told her. She smiled and sat back.

"So how are you feeling?"

"Pretty good. I don't have to take the medicine anymore." I smiled.

"You're nearing the end of your first trimester. The next few weeks should be easy." she told me.

"What's the trimesters?" Heather asked. Sandy smiled.

"First is 1-14 weeks, second is 15-28 and the third is after that." she told her. "Let me go get the tech and the ultrasound and we'll get started." she said and walked out. We waited for a few minutes and she walked back in with the ultrasound and a younger woman. She told me to lay on the bed and pull my shirt up. Heather sat next to me and Sandy walked out.

"I'm Shelly. I'll be doing the ultrasound. Sandy will be back shortly. She was waiting for you history from your first doctor." she told me. She pushed a little bit of gel on my tummy and pressed the handle down. She turned the screen on and moved around. It was black and white. Me and Heather watched the screen as Shelly pushed a few buttons and smiled when Sandy walked in.

"Says she should be around 12 weeks. What does it look like?" Sandy asked her.

"Looks right. She's just tiny." Shelly smiled. I looked over at Heather squeezed my hand.

"Is everything ok?" she asked.

"Yes. Looks fine, baby looks healthy. She's just really tiny. In the next few weeks the belly will sprout so be prepared." she laughed. She pointed to the screen and showed us the baby's hands and feet. We saw it's profile and Shelly snapped a few pictures. Right before we left she told us to listen. She pressed another button and a loud heartbeat filled the room. I bit my lips and tears spilled as I squeezed Heather's hand. She smiled and wiped a few tears away. We got my paperwork and my vitamins and left.

"You okay?" Heather asked as we drove back home. I smiled and looked over at her.

"I'm great." I told her softly. She smiled and looked out her window. I dropped her off and drove home. I noticed that Billy's car was gone and drove to the shop. I pulled up and parked. I got out and looked at it. They had done so much since he took over. They cleared out the old rusted cars so people could park. They painted and redid the siding. It looked great, much better for business. I smiled and walked up to the door.

I walked through to the back waving and smiling at the guys as I went. Some commented on my tiny tummy and patted my back. I made my way to the office and slowly pushed the door open. I smiled when I saw him. He was sitting at the desk writing some numbers down. He looked so concentrated. But I wondered if it was for the shop or the other business. I leaned against the frame and looked at him.

"It's not nice to stare, Nessa." he told me. I smiled and saw him looked up at me. I gave him a small sweet smile and walked over to him. I sat on the desk in front of him and played with his pen. He watched me until I finally spoke.

"I'll be three months tomorrow. She said I'm kinda small for that time but said I'll most likely grow rapidly within the nest few weeks." I told him. He nodded and leaned back.

"But he's fine?" he asked. I smiled when he said he.

"Yeah. Healthy as can be. She gave me some prenatal vitamins and told me to take them as directed. When I get low I gotta go back." I told him. He nodded again and looked at me. "I want you to go to the next ultrasound." I told him. He stared at me and sighed.

"Okay. I will." he told me softly. I slid onto his lap and grabbed his face.

"Baby, I heard his heartbeat. I saw him. I saw his nose, his feet and his little hands." I smiled. I felt the tears fall as I told him about what I had heard and seen. He smiled and wiped my tears away.

"I'll go next time." he promised. I smiled and kissed him.

"You wanna see him?" I asked. He looked at me and raised an eyebrow.

"She took pictures." I told him. I reached for my purse and grabbed the pictures. I leaned my back on his chest so we could look at them together. I pulled the pictures out and pointed out the baby's feet and hands. I felt Billy kiss my head and he pointed to it's nose.

"He's so tiny." he whispered. I smiled and flipped through the pictures.

"I know. Look at this." I showed him the profile. You can clearly see the side of the baby's face. The curve of the nose, the lips and chin. "It'll get better as he grows." I told him. He nodded and lifted his legs onto the desk. He leaned back in the chair and pulled me with him. He kissed my neck and wrapped his arms around me.

"I love you." he whispered.

"I love you too." He rested his hands on my stomach and we stayed like that until the phone rang. Just thinking and holding each other. Thinking about how much we had changed individually and as a couple. How our lives were changing and how the fear of that was slowly going away each day.

* * *

**_Billy's POV_**

Vanessa had stayed with me to help out at the shop for the rest of the day. I helped the boys with a few cars and she took the calls and stuff like that. I followed her home and walked inside. She dropped her purse on the table and walked into the kitchen. I tilted my head to the side and looked at her stomach. I smiled and shook my head. It was cute. Tiny but noticeable. It made her shirt round ever so slightly. I noticed that she started to rub it more than usual. I watched as she made her way around the kitchen trying to get dinner ready. I noticed her biting her lip when she was looking for something and then sighing when didn't have anything to do.

"It isn't nice to stare." she told me. I shook my head and looked at her. I didn't even see her walk up next to me.

"I can't help it." I told her. She smiled up at me and leaned up to kiss me. I placed my hand on the back of her neck and lifted her up to meet my lips. I pulled her against me and deepened the kiss. She ran her hands up my shoulders to my neck and nibbled my lip. I grabbed her waist and picked her up and set her on the table. I made a trail of hot kissed down her neck when Joe burst in the apartment. She groaned and pulled back.

"People eat there." Joe glared at us.

"Yeah and eating would have been going on if you hadn't come home." Vanessa quipped. Joe turned beet red and I laughed out loud. She jumped of the table and walked into the kitchen, patting Joe's cheek as she went.

"You're disgusting, Nessa. You need to get rid of that mouth before my niece or nephew comes." he called out to her. "Oh how was the appointment?" he asked. I sighed as she squealed and ran to grab the ultrasound pictures. I watched how she lit up as she told him about the heartbeat and pointed out the baby's somewhat visible features. I felt a little guilty for not going but it was weird. I knew people were going to stare and I didn't know how to act.

"Alright, dinner's ready." she stated and set everything on the table. We ate and made small talk. Joe was cleaning up the kitchen when Vanessa walked into the bedroom. I walked into the bathroom and filled the tub up.

"What are you doing?" she asked walking up behind me. I smiled at her and took lifted her shirt up. She smiled and kicked the door shut all the way. I unbuttoned her jeans and pulled them down. She took off her bra and slid her panties off. She stepped into the tub and I kneeled next to it.

"You're not getting in?" she asked. I shook my head and lit a cigarette. She laid her head back and sighed. I reached my hand in the tub and rubbed her arm. She smiled and looked over at me. "Thanks you." she whispered.

"For what?" I asked just as soft.

"For everything." she smiled. I leaned to her and kissed her as I ran my hand further down. She grinned under my lips when my hand found its way between her legs. I slipped my fingers inside her and moved them slowly. She sighed and laid her head back again. I kissed her neck as I moved my fingers. Her breath started to pick up when Joe banged on the door. She groaned and slid under the water as I stood up.

"What?" I asked as I opened the door.

"Sorry to bug you but Bodie needs you at the bar." Joe told me and walked off. I shut the door ad walked back over to the tub.

"Don't stay out to late." she told me.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled as she stood up. I watched her dry off and get dressed. I smirked when she pulled on a tight baby blue cami. I looked at the round bump and walked over to her. "I like it." I told her. She looked down at her stomach and sighed.

"I don't. You're not gonna like me when I get fat." she pouted.

"No I won't like you. I'll love you. You're beautiful, Ness. You have no idea." I told her. It was true. I loved seeing the tiny roundness of her stomach. I looked at it and felt some sort of pride build up in me. I made that. We made that. I hugged her and kissed her head.

"I'll be back later. Be careful. You need me call me." I told her. She smiled and kissed my lips again.

"Ok. Now go, so you can get home early." she told me. I nodded and left. I made sure to tell Joe to listen out as I left. I walked to the car and headed to Four Roses. And I would give anything to see into the future because I would have turned around if I would have seen what would happen that night...


	25. Family

Billy had just left and I walked into the living room with Joe. He looked up at me as I sat down next to him and laid my head on his shoulder.

"Sorry I keep interrupting you guys." he apologized. I smiled and grabbed the remote.

"It's alright. As long as you don't do I ton purpose. You know how we get if we don't get laid." I laughed.

"Yeah god help everyone." he joked. We flipped through the channels and sighed. "Let's watch a movie." he said and stood up. He walked over to the DVD and looked back at me. "What will ya watch?" he asked. I thought for a moment and smiled.

"Cloverfield. We haven't seen that one yet." I told him. He nodded and put it in. We started to watch it and got about 30 minutes in when someone knocked. Joe looked at me and pointed at me.

"Stay." he ordered and walked over to the door. He looked through the peephole and back at me. He slowly opened the door and my jaw dropped when I saw who was standing there.

"Mother!" I squeaked. She gave me a nasty grin and walked in. She looked at Joe and our surroundings in disgust as she walked over to me. "What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Heard you were hanging around with some gang bangers. Figured I'd come by to see if you look like I thought you would." she said sweetly.

"And how is that?" I asked.

"Like a trashy whore. But looks like you got your little junkie to keep you pampered. Guess he's good at his job." he smiled. Joe walked into the kitchen and leaned against the wall keeping an eye on the situation.

"How did you know where I was?" I asked. She laughed and smiled at me.

"I have my ways. So I know he can't be the boyfriend, you're too much of a slut for someone as innocent looking as him." she said. I stood up and walked over to her. Joe was by my in an instant.

"Get out! Now!" I yelled at her. Her eyes looked me up and down but stopped suddenly at my belly. I instinctively place a hand over it and backed up. I saw her face twist with disgust as she looked back at me.

"You're pregnant?" she asked.

"Yes. But..."

"You got knocked up by some gang banger?!" she screamed and cut me off. I stepped back and Joe pulled me beside him.

"I think you need to leave." Joe told her calmly. She completely ignored him and walked over to me.

"You nasty slut. Get rid of it!" she yelled at me. I was shocked to say the least.

"Go to hell. That's my baby!" I yelled back. She grabbed my arm and pulled me to her.

"No blood of mine will have some bastard child!" she screamed. Joe pulled her off and pushed her back.

"That baby isn't a bastard. My brother takes damn good care of Ness and he will do the same for that baby." Joe yelled at her. I never saw Joe so mad. He looked just like Billy as he yelled at her. The way his voice got deeper and he looked taller as he stood up straight to prove a point. It actually made me smile a bit.

"Bullshit. You are nothing. You come from nothing. None of you know anything about raising a baby or having a family." she told him. I snapped...

"Oh and you do?!" I screamed form behind Joe. "You didn't raise me. Daddy raised me and when he died I finished the job. You never were a mother or a wife."

"I tried to be a good mother. But you're a damned monster. Going out late and now getting knocked up by some misfit boy." she yelled.

"He's a man! He takes care of me. He loves me and our baby. You never were a mother. You never will be." I screamed. I felt a tiny pain in my belly as I yelled but ignored it.

"And you will be? You now nothing about children. You just know how to make them. You think I failed just wait until you see yourself years from now." she laughed. I stepped forward but Joe grabbed my arm. The pain grew as I yelled louder.

"Fuck you! You don't know me!" I screamed. Tears were streaking down my face but it wasn't from the fight. The pain was throbbing in my belly. I let Joe pull me back.

"What would your father think of you?" she asked. I snapped my head at her and glared.

"He'd be proud of me." I told her confidently. She laughed and grabbed her purse.

"He'd be as disgusted as I am." she said. I was about to say something when I clutched my stomach and let out a shrill scream. Joe held me as I was falling and sat me on the couch. He looked at my mom who oddly enough looked panicked.

"You cause her to loose this baby and I will kill you myself. Now get the fuck out before Billy gets back!" he yelled at her and flipped open his phone. He said very few words and hung up.

"Joe, the baby." I cried and held my stomach. The pain was unbearable. I shook my head and cried while Joe rubbed my back.

"Where does it hurt? Ahh stupid question." he said and panicked. Not five minutes later Billy and Bodie burst in. Billy was picking me up and carrying me out the door before I could say hello. He jumped into the passenger side of his car with me in his lap. Joe jumped on the back and Bodie drove off in the direction of the hospital. I sobbed into his neck as Bodie sped through the snowy streets of Boston. I felt something hot on my neck and tilted my head to see a tear fall from Billy's eye. He looked down at me and sniffed.

Please don't do this...Don't take this away from us...

* * *

_**Billy's POV**_

I hadn't been at the bar for more than an hour when Joe called. I answered it after downing my fourth shot with Bodie. All he said was that Vanessa was hurting and we were gone. The normally 10 minute drive was cut short to 5. I walked in and saw Vanessa laying on the couch screaming. I picked her up and carried her to the car. Bodie was driving as I held her in my lap. Before I know it I felt tears fill my eyes. I kissed her head and accidently let one out. She looked up at me and my heart broke. This can't happen...

"I need help!" Joe yelled as we ran into the hospital. A nurse ran up and looked at us.

"What's wrong?" she asked grabbing a wheelchair for Vanessa.

"She's pregnant. Her mom came over and they got into a fight when she just started screaming in pain." Joe told her. I didn't know her mother had been there. I cursed myself for leaving.

"How far along is she?" she asked as I set Vanessa in the chair.

"Three months." I told them. She nodded and pushed Vanessa to the back. Joe and Bodie fell back and I slowed down. "Can I come?" I asked. She nodded and I waved to the boys. The sat down and I followed the nurse to a tiny room.

"Give me a minute and I'll get a doctor. Put this on." she handed Vanessa a robe and rushed out. I kneeled in front of Vanessa who was still crying and breathing hard. I helped her up and took her shorts and panties off. I helped her on the bed and held her hand.

"It's gonna be okay." I told her. She shook her head.

"The baby..." she sobbed. The door opened and a doctor walked in. He asked me to step back as they hooked an IV up and pulled these things from the side of the bed. I saw him put Vanessa's feet in them and life her robe up. The nurse patted my back and I watched the doctor.

"Was the pain sudden Vanessa?" he asked. She nodded her head and winced as he pressed on her tummy and looked...down there. I moved to the side of the bed and kissed her hand. "Focus on him. I'll be done in a minute." he told her. He was quiet for a few minutes and I notice Vanessa was calmer. He lifted his head back up and took his gloves off. I notice blood on them and paled.

"Why's there blood?" I asked.

"Don't worry. It was a cyst. They form sometimes during pregnancy and before. The stress cause it to rupture. Everything's fine. But I wanna do an ultrasound just incase. I'll write a prescription for antibiotics and one for pain. Let me get the machine and I'll be right back." he told us and walked out. I laid my head on the bed and sighed. I heard Nessa laugh and I looked up at her.

"Why are you laughing?" I asked.

"Because I just had the scariest moment of my life and I needed to." she told me. I kissed her hand. The doctor walked back in and told Vanessa to lay down.

"Have you had one yet?" he asked her.

"This morning actually." she smiled. He smiled and lifted her shirt just above her belly. I smiled when it was uncovered. He squeezed some gel on her stomach and pressed a handle down. I looked over at the screen as he moved around her stomach. She squeezed my hand and smiled at me. "He didn't get to make it earlier." she told him. He looked over at me and smiled.

"Well, then. Let's give him the tour." he moved the handle back to the top of her stomach and made his way down. "This is the head as you can tell by the profile. Here are the arms and legs. That's the umbilical cord." he said and pointed out all the ins and outs of her stomach and our baby. Vanessa smiled the whole time. "Ready for the heartbeat?" he asked. I nodded and he turned a knob.

It was like the world stopped as the steady heartbeat filled the room. I closed my eyes and let it fill my ears and mind. I felt my hear step in synch with the baby's. I hadn't realized how much it scared me earlier. I didn't want this baby as first and tonight I was brought to tears. It would have killed me if something bad had happened. I didn't even go to first ultrasound. I could have lost my baby and never heard the sound of its heart beating.

"You okay?" I heard Vanessa ask. I leaned over and kissed her lips. They lingered there as I pulled back and rested my forehead on hers.

"I'm fine." I told her. I sat back down and looked at the doctor. "Is everything okay?" I asked.

"Yes. Perfect. Baby and mommy look fine." he smiled. Vanessa lit up when he called her mommy. "You can get dressed and I'll sign your release papers." he told us and walked out. I helped Vanessa get dressed and walked out to the counter to fill out a few papers. We walked out into the waiting room and saw not only Joe and Bodie but the rest of the gang, including Heather. She ran over to Vanessa and hugged her. The boys stood up and walked over.

"Is everything ok?" Heather asked.

"I will say it one so listen. I'm fine. The baby's fine. I had a cyst burst from the stress. I'm getting more medicine and I'll be okay." Vanessa told everyone. They all sighed in unison and Joe looked down. "It's not your fault, Joey." she whispered to him. He looked up with tear filled eyes.

"I should have made her leave. Billy could have made her leave. I could have made you loose..." he trailed off. I grabbed his shoulder and put a finger in his face.

"This was not your fault. You did everything you could." I told him.

"Joe, you stood up to her. I've never seen you so mad or mean. You looked like a little Billy." she smiled. I looked back at Joe and patted his shoulder.

"Really now?" I asked proudly.

"You would have been proud of him. He was awesome." she told me. Joe smiled and hugged her. We all said out goodbyes and left. Joe rode with me and Nessa back home and he went straight for the beer. Vanessa sat down and closed her eyes. I stood in the living room and looked at Joe.

"I'll be back later. Make sure she goes to sleep." I told him. They both stared at me.

"Wait, where are you going?" Vanessa asked. I walked to the door and opened it.

"To have a little chat with the bitch you call a mother." I told them and left. I heard Joe laugh as I walked down the hallway. I got in my car and drove to Vanessa's old house. I smirked when I saw her mom's car outside. I parked the car and walked up the steps. I rang the door bel repeatedly until the door swung open. She stood there and glared at me.

"You must be her junkie?" she asked. I smirked and pushed my way into the house. "I'll call the cops." she threatened. I grabbed her by the throat and pushed her against the wall.

"You could have made me loose my baby." I told her.

"It wouldn't be missed." she squeaked. I squeezed harder.

"Oh yes it would. Because as much as you think I don't care about Vanessa or a baby, our baby, you're wrong. I do care. I love her. I take care of her. When she's in pain, I'm there. When she's crying, I'm there. Where are you? No where. Therefore, you have no right to tell her to get rid of the baby and no right to tell me that I don't care for her. You're nothing and you will always be nothing. And the next time you come near my family, I will have your blood on my hands and I will love every single second of it." I screamed at her. I let her go and she fell to the ground with wide eyes. I walked out and drove back home.

"That baby better be a boy. These fucking women are driving me nuts." I mumbled as I lit a cigarette and drove down the road. I walked into my bedroom and took my coat off. Vanessa sat up and looked at me.

"Everything okay?" she asked as I sat down. I laid down next to her and pulled her on my chest.

"Everything is fine. I don't think we have to worry about her anytime soon." I told her. She kissed my chest and ran her fingers down my side.

"Thank you." she whispered.

"For what?" I asked.

"For being there for me. For loving me and our baby." she said. I looked down at her and brushed the hair out of her face.

"How could I not?" I asked. She smiled and laid back down on my chest.


	26. Mini Crib Thing

_I know it's been fluffly as of late but I really want to get the kist of the pregnancy and make it real and not like one chapter. But don't fear, for drama is near! HaHa...Yeah I'm a dork. And I'm even thinking of a sequel later on and that will be a whole new world of drama. I already got ideas!! Well, ENJOY!_

* * *

"DARLEY!!" I screamed from our bedroom. I heard heavy footsteps coming down the hall and watched at the door swung open. Billy and Joe stood there wide eyed and stared at me. The worry faded away when they saw me with my arms crossed and a scowl written on my face.

"What the fuck!? Don't do that." he yelled at me and rubbed his head. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"Are you fucking blind?" I yelled and pointed to my clothes. I was standing in our room trying to get dressed but I had one tiny problem, well big problem. I was 4 months pregnant and my clothes didn't fit. Over the past month I had slowly grown to the normal size and my jeans were not stretching any further. They had been pushed enough. Joe laughed and walked away.

"We'll go shopping." Billy told me trying not to grin. Deep inside I felt bad for them. I had been one mean bitch to everyone. Anything and everything pissed me off or made me one. I tried to be nice and not crazy but sometimes I didn't realize it until later.

"In what!? I have no clothes. Do you want me to go naked?!" I yelled. He dropped his head and walked over to me.

"Wear a pair of sweats. They stretch and we can go shopping later." he told me calmly. He had been a saint. Normally, Billy didn't take shit from no one, not even me. But he let me yell and even slap him a few times. I think he knows it's partially his fault for my hormones. After all it takes two to tango.

"Fine." I mumbled and walked to my closet and pulled out a pair of sweats from Victoria's Secret. I took my jeans off and threw them in the basket. I felt Billy's eyes burning into me as I changed. "How can you stand to look at me? I'm fat." I asked him.

"My god, Nessa. I love you to death but you gotta get over this hormonal shit." he said wrapping an arm around me. "And you're not fat, you're pregnant." he whispered in my ear. I leaned into him and sighed.

"I'm sorry. I'm just frustrated. I hate not being able to wear my clothes and having this belly." I said. He kissed my neck and turned me around.

"It's gonna get bigger, Vanessa. You gotta deal with that." he told me. I rolled my eyes and sighed.

"Yes, master." I said sarcastically. He grinned and leaned down to nibble my neck.

"Master, huh?" he whispered and moved his hands down my sides and to the waist band of my pants. I laughed and pushed him off.

"They said pregnant woman get hornier, not the daddy's." I teased him. I saw him freeze when I said daddy and swallowed hard. "Sorry." I whispered. He looked over at me.

"Why? That's what I am, right?" he said smiling softly. "Never thought I'd hear it though." he whispered. I pulled him over to the bed and sat next to him.

"Talk to me, babe." I asked softly and traced the tattoo on his neck. He sighed.

"What if I'm not good enough, Nessa? What if I'm a bad...father?" he asked.

"There are too many what if's to take them seriously." I told him.

"I don't know what to do Vanessa. I feel like I'm walking into this blind. I know I am." he told me. I rubbed his neck and sighed.

"I am too. Listen, Billy I know you're scared. I know sometimes it's not that exciting. But we can do this. We've gone through worse. But we still love each other and at the end of the day we already love this baby. We just take it one day at a time. It'll be fine." I assured him. He sighed and nodded.

"Yeah. I'm sorry for this." he said softly. I laughed.

"Oh you're sorry for telling me that your scared. Well I'm sorry for hitting you screaming at you and throwing my shoe at Bodie. I really think I should be the one apologizing here." I laughed. He laughed that deep husky laugh and I smiled more. He looked over at me with those bright eyes and smiled.

"Yeah you should." he said. I slapped him playfully and pouted.

"You didn't have to agree, Darley!" I told him. He laughed and stood up. I grabbed his hands he pulled me up next to him. He pulled me as close as he could and kissed my lips softly. "You are you going with me or am I just getting money and going with Heather?" I asked. He smirked and pulled put his wallet. He handed me a wad of cash and walked out. I laughed and yelled out after him.

"Thanks for being the hands on type of soon to be daddy!" I stuffed the money in my purse and looked up at Joe in my doorway.

"Him being hands on is what got you this way." he told me smirking. I held my purse up and acted like I was about to throw it at him and he walked off. "Evil pregnant woman, evil!" he yelled. I smiled and finished getting ready.

"Ya think I can have it like 2months early so I don't get this big?" I asked Heather and held up a huge pair of maternity jeans. She laughed and hung them back up.

"They make the bigger sizes for twins and stuff. You won't get that big." she told me. I rolled my eyes and looked around the store. Everything was pastel. Pastel pink, pastel blue, pastel green, pastel purple. And it was all so bland.

"This sucks, Heather. I will never wear this stuff." I told her. She turned around and nodded.

"I know. This sucks. I wish we lived in New York or LA, then we'd find some cute maternity clothes."

"Heather, my aunt!" I told her. She looked confused then shook her head.

"Billy's not gonna let you go to NY to shop. He hates the idea of you being there after what happened last time." she told me.

"No, I can get her to send me stuff. She's a good shopper. I cant tell her what sizes and she'll send them to me." I told her.

"Okay, good. Let's get outta here." she told me and pulled me out the door. I ended up going to another store and buying a couple long flowy skirts and a few tank tops. I called my aunt on the way back to my house and she was thrilled. I gave her our address and she said she was leaving to go shopping now.

"Thanks for going with me." I told Heather as I got out. I looked through the window and smiled.

"No problem. I'll see ya later." she said and drove off. I walked upstairs and walked into the apartment. I looked around and saw nothing.

"Billy?" I called out. I heard a thump and froze. I heard voices from the back and backed up to the door. I saw Joe's door open and him step out.

"Sorry, it's us. Umm stay there for a minute." he said and walked back into his room. I was confused but went ahead and set my stuff down. I slowly walked to the back and saw Billy poke his head out.

"He said stay there. No stay." he told me. I sighed and walked back to the living room. I waited a few more minutes and after a couple more bumps and some cursing from Billy the door opened. I stood up and walked down the hall. Billy walked out and stood behind me. He covered my eyes with his hand and walked me to the door.

"What did Joe clean his room?" I teased. I heard Joe huff and pinch me.

"You're gonna apologize for that in a minute." he told me. I laughed and let Billy push me into the room.

"Well, it certainly smells better." I joked again.

"Yeah babe, you're gonna feel bad in a minute." Billy laughed. "Ready?" he asked. I nodded and he slowly removed his hand. I stared into the room and gasped.

"Oh my god." I whispered.

* * *

_**Billy's POV**_

"Billy, do you even know what we need?" Joe asked as we started to leave the apartment. I looked at him and sighed.

"Not really. But I wanna do this. I have the money right now and I don't wanna wait any longer." I told him." I told him. I saw the magazine Vanessa had been reading and grabbed it.

"Alright, let's go." he said and we left. We drove into downtown Boston not knowing how this would turn out. Only thing we had was a list of things that Heather had made and the magazine Vanessa had been reading. I parked and looked up at the big store. I sighed and banged my head on the steering wheel.

"This is gonna be one for the records bro." Joe told me peering out the window. I nodded and opened my door.

"Well, as long as we don't have to break it again anytime soon." I told him as I got out. He laughed and closed his door.

"What you don't any more kids Billy?" he asked. I glared at him and he laughed harder.

"I haven't even got this one and I'm already tired of all this baby stuff. I think I can do with just one kid." I told him. He patted my back we walked towards the store.

"Ahh it's not that bad." he said and pushed the door open. We walked in and stopped. It was huge and full of nothing but baby stuff. I sighed and walked over to an employee. They looked at us with wide eyes and started to back up.

"Ok, listen. I know you're scared right now but put yourself in my shoes. I'm about to have a baby. I have no idea what I need but I have this list and a magazine. I need you to help me. Okay? Be glad that I stuck around instead of leaving her, ok?" I told her. She relaxed and smiled.

"Ok. Let me see these." she grabbed the magazine and the list. She nodded and set the magazine down. "Ok you're girl has good taste. Follow me. I'll introduce you to the baby world." she said and started down the first aisle. She started pointing and naming stuff.

"One you need a crib. We have sets and separates. From what she marked she wants the set. Do you know what you're having?" she asked. I looked at Joe.

"Not yet but we're pretty sure it's a boy." I told her. She bit her lip and walked a down a few steps.

"How about this? It's a neutral set. Just incase it's not a boy, it fits for a girl too." she said and pointed to a light green crib set. Joe walked closer and looked back at me.

"It has little stars and moons on it." he said. "I think Nessa would like it." he told me. I nodded and looked at the lady.

"That one works." I told her. She smiled and wrote something down on a piece of paper. We walked down the aisle and she pointed out more stuff.

"You'll need a changing table, a dresser for the clothes and a bassinet." she said.

"What's a bassinet?" Joe asked.

"It's a smaller type of crib. You'll most likely have it next to your bed for the first couple months. It's a mini portable crib. It's easier if you don't wanna leave him or her in the room all the time." she told us. I nodded and saw one that was green like the other.

"Well get that one." I told her. She smiled and kept writing. We walked to another aisle and she stopped.

"The list doesn't say anything about strollers or car seats." she stated.

"Heather wanted us to get bedroom stuff for now." Joe told her.

"She wants to save it for the baby shower." she mumbled. "Ok, let's look for some tiny decorations for the room." she smiled and walked off.

We were there for about an hour and a half. When we got ready to leave we had a crib, changing table, a dresser, that mini crib thing, paint, an wallpaper. She showed us a few more things that we could get to add to the room but Joe decided we'd save that for the shower. We called Heco and told him to bring the van and meet us there.

"Alright think you will survive in putting it together?" she asked as we walked up to check out.

"Yeah I think so." I told her. She smiled and rang everything up. I saw the numbers add up and sighed. "I'm giving you a little discount because I like you. And because I think it's great you stuck around." she told me.

"I'd never leave her." I said softly. She smiled and finished ringing everything up.

"Your total is 1456.34." she told me. Joe gaped at her and I handed her the money.

"Jeeze kids are expensive." he muttered. I laughed and looked over at him.

"See why I'll stick with one for now." I told him.

"But it's worth it in the end, trust me. When you get to see him for the first time and hold him, it's all worth. That right there is worth more that the world." the lady told us. I nodded and remembered when I got to hear it's heartbeat. We thanked her and walked out with the baby's room right behind us. Heco shook his head and helped us load it all up.

"Damn it!" Joe yelled. I looked over at him and he was holding his thumb.

"Dumbass." I muttered and finished screwing another bolt to the crib. We had been home for nearly three hours and Vanessa was going to be home soon. Heco stayed and helped out. We cleared out all of Joe's stuff and packed it into the van, then we painted it. We added a little wall paper around the trim to match the crib and started piecing everything together.

"Hey, watch it. I'm putting your kids mini sleeping thing in. I might accidently forget a screw and send the kid flying." he told me. I glared at him.

"Then you'll deal with a very mad mother, literally." I told him. He frowned and nodded.

"Yeah she'd be pissed. Alright so...ow!" Joe yelped as he hit his finger again and dropped the screw driver. I shook my head and heard something. I looked up at the door and then as Joe and Heco.

"Dude, I think she's home." Heco whispered.

"We're not done yet." Joe whispered. I waved them to hush.

"Joe go out there and tell her to wait. I know she hears us, she's gonna think someone's robbing us." I told him and started picking the bags and stuff up. He walked out and came back in.

"She looked scared." he laughed. We finished putting everything together and picked up all the trash. I looked around before I stepped out.

"Looks good." Heco told me. I nodded and walked out to get her. I covered her eyes and lead her into the room. She made a few comments to Joe and laughed. She's gonna feel bad for teasing him when she sees this.

"Ready?" I asked her. She nodded and I removed my hand. She gasped and looked around the room.

"Oh my god." she whispered and walked into the room more. She walked over to the crib and ran her hand across it. "Ahh it's cherry wood. Aww look at the stars and moons." she said softly. She looked at the walls and smiled.

"You like it?" I asked. She turned to me and smiled.

"I love it." she told me. She bit her lip and I laughed when I saw tears fill her eyes.

"Come here." I told her and wrapped my arms around her. "No need to cry." I laughed lightly.

"You did all this?" she asked. I nodded and then pointed to Joe and Heco.

"Joe went with me and Heco helped set everything up. Not to mention the very patient lady at the store." I told her. She walked over and gave Joe and Heco a big hug and kissed their cheeks.

"Thank you guys. It's beautiful. I love it." she gushed. I smiled and took in the room. I walked behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist. I laid my hands in her stomach and laid my head on her shoulder.

"I'm glad. Heather said the rest of what we need will be given at the baby shower. The guys know what the are getting you. So it will slowly get more stuff as time passes." I told her. She leaned back into me and sighed.

"Thank you." she whispered. I kissed her temple and rubbed her belly.

"No thank you." I told her. She smiled and then jumped away from me and stared at Joe.

"Where's your stuff?" she asked him. We laughed and pointed to the window.

"In the van. I'm moving in with Heather. She said I could have the extra room so you could give the baby a room." he told her. She pouted and hugged.

"Thank you Joe. I'm sorry though." she whispered to him. He smiled and hugged her back.

"It's ok. I was looking for a place anyway. Heather suggested it and I agreed." he told her. She pulled back and looked at the room again.

"I think he'll like it." she said. I nodded and leaned against the door frame. I looked around and took everything in.

I'm having a baby. I knew it but everyday it gets closer and closer. And everyday I get more excite and more scared shitless. All I want to do is make everything ok. I wanna keep them safe and happy. Can I do that? Can I be Billy Darley a family guy or would I always be Billy Darley gang lord and cheat?


	27. Save Me From Myself

I was now pushing just over five months. My aunt had sent me tins of clothes. Like literally, Billy groaned when he picked up the box she had sent. I had clothes out the ass and loved every single bit of cloth. She even bought me some for when I got bigger. But today was the day. The day we waited five months for. Today was the day we found out what we were having.

"Come on!" I yelled at from the front door. I heard a loud sigh and saw Billy walk out of the bedroom. I tapped my foot at the door and he glared at me. "Move it." I told him. He shook his head and pushed me out the door. We got in the car and started to drive.

"If we're late, I'm gonna be pissed." I told him after he pulled out. He grunted and pulled out a cigarette. He was about to light it when he remembered.

"Damn it." he mumbled and threw them down.

"You can smoke. It's not gonna kill me." I snapped at him. He glared at me and hit the brakes. I flew forward and held my arms out so I didn't hit the dashboard. I was about to scream at him when he grabbed my neck and pulled me to him.

"You're on very thin ice here , Vanessa. Quit bitchin' at me or I'll make you walk." he seethed. I swallowed and pulled away from him. He lit his cigarette and drove off. I crossed my arms and looked out the window. I kept looking as we pulled up to the office. He turned the car off and looked over at me.

"Don't apologize." I told him before he could get a work out. "I'm sorry. I know I'm a bitch." I told him.

"Yeah you are." he told me. I glared at him as he smirked and got out. I stepped out and walked past him. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me to him. He pulled me up for a smothering kiss and held me there for a minute. He pulled back and smirked. I smiled and kissed him one more time. I let my hand rest on his neck as our tongues mingled.

"Let's go." he whispered when we pulled apart. We walked into the office and everyone turned their heads. I heard Billy sigh and laughed. "It's like they've never seen tattoo's before." he told me. I saw a few look away when they heard him.

"It's ok. You have this shock factor about you." I told him and signed in. We sat down and I grabbed a magazine. I felt the tension and looked around. They were still staring at Billy and he was getting pissed. I grabbed his hand and squeezed.

"Calm down." I told him. He laughed that cynical little laugh he had and looked around.

"I'm gonna rip their eyes out if they don't stop." he told me. I hid my smile and patted his hand. This was the Billy I loved. I loved his sweet side but this bad ass side was much more appealing. I saw my doctor walk up and stood up. We walked to the back and went into the room.

"Ready?" she asked as I laid on the bed. I nodded and Billy sat next to me.

"Nice to finally see you here." she told Billy. He grunted and I smiled.

"He's having a bad day." I told her. She nodded and squeezed the gel on my tummy.

"So you're just here to find the sex, right?" she asked as she moved around on my belly. I nodded and watched the screen with Billy. She was silent for a moment then smiled.

"Well, it looks like..." she paused and took a picture. "A little boy." she smiled. I squealed and squeezed Billy's hand. He grinned from ear to ear and leaned over to kiss me. She wiped my belly off and I pulled my shirt down.

"I see that made your day." she stated as I stood up.

"Yes, we wanted a boy." I told her.

"I knew it was boy." Billy said proudly. The doctor smiled and handed him a picture.

"Well, here's you son." she said walking out. I watched his eye go over every inch of the picture and smile. He looked up at me and walked over. He wrapped those big arms around me and hugged me as tight as he could. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed his shoulder.

"Thank you." he whispered.

"For what?" I asked. He pulled back and kissed my head.

"For giving me something I never thought I'd want." he said. I smiled and kissed his lips. I think I can take this sweet side too.

After that I decided it was time for a baby shower. So we planned one. We had it at the Four Roses. Heather wasn't pleased but Sammy was. He even got me a cute little stroller. We got the rest of the baby stuff we needed plus an ass load of clothes. I tried to be happy that day but it was hard. I was six and a half months and I was tired. My feet hurt, my back hurt, and I was having faux contractions. And now it was worse.

"Argh!" I screamed as I sat on the couch. I heard Joe snicker and looked over at him. "Come here, Joey." I said sweetly. He froze and looked at Billy. He hid his smile well but I knew it was there. Joe slowly got up and walked over to me.

"Yeah?" he asked nervously. I patted the seat next to me and he sat down.

"You having a good day?" I asked like I was making small talk. He relaxed a little and nodded.

"Yeah, it's been pretty good." he told me. I smiled and nodded. I looked back at him and grabbed his ear and pulled. He yelped and bent his head down.

"Well, I've had a shitty day. No, I've had a shitty past 8 months. Wanna know why? Because I've been pregnant! You try looking and feeling like a balloon and see if you have a good day or not!" I yelled in his ear. He jerked back and rubbed his ear.

"Sorry." he mumbled and walked out. I looked over at Billy and saw smirking over his beer.

"Anything to say, honey?" I asked sweetly. He shook his head and laughed.

"Just that I love you." he said and walked over to me. I sighed and laid my head on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry. Tell him I'm sorry. But I'm tired. I wanna have this baby already."I whined. He rubbed my huge belly and kissed my head.

"Soon. We got four weeks. It'll be fine." he told me. I nodded and closed my eyes. I felt myself drift off and fall asleep.

I woke up about two hours later and looked under me. I smiled when I saw Billy still there. He looked down at me as I pushed myself off his chest.

"Sorry." I mumbled as I rubbed my eyes. He smiled and sat up.

"It's alright. I just woke up too. You wanna ride with me to the store?" he asked. I nodded and stood up. He grabbed his keys and I followed him to the car. We drove down to the corner store and he stopped at a red light.

"You want anything while I'm in there?" he asked. I shook my head and watched the light turn green. It was like slow motion as I looked to my left and saw the car coming at us. I screamed at Billy and he looked over but it was too late. I screamed as glass shattered all around me and the sound of crushing metal filled my ears. I covered my head until the movements stopped. I looked up to see Billy ripping his seatbelt off.

"Vanessa!" he yelled and ran over to my door. I cried and rubbed my stomach.

"Billy, something's wrong!" I cried. He started tugging on my door and ripped it open. "Billy."

"Shhh it's ok. Calm down." he told me and picked me up out of the car. He carried me to the side walk as the ambulance arrived. He set me down and paled. I looked at his arms and screamed. There was blood all over him. I looked down at my pants and saw blood. I looked at Billy and cried. He stared at his hands and then at me. He started shaking his head and jumped up to get an EMT.

"How far along are you?" he asked.

"8 months. I'm due in four weeks." I told him and winced. "I think I'm having contractions." I told him. Billy was still paled as they lifted me into the van. He crawled up next to me and kissed my hand. We arrived at the ER and I saw Joe and Heather waiting. They pulled me out and rushed me inside. They let Billy follow me into a room and they put me on the bed. I winced as another contraction ripped through my stomach.

"She's in labor." the nurse yelled. I shook my head.

"It's too early." I cried. Billy grabbed my hand and looked at the nurse.

"She's only 8 months." he told her. She nodded and leaned my up.

"Yes, but this baby isn't waiting another four weeks." she told him. I looked up at him and shook my head.

"Is he going to be okay?" he asked her as I screamed.

"I need a doctor now." she yelled and lifted up my gown. "She's nearly 9. If we can get him here, he'll be fine." she finally answered Billy. He looked down at me and smiled.

"He'll be okay." he told me. I nodded and winced again. He squeezed my hand and a doctor walked in. He looked under my gown and smiled. He pulled the stirrups out from the bed and looked at me and Billy.

"Ready?" he asked. We nodded and he placed my feet in the stirrups. The nurse came around and lifted my bed up further. She grabbed my hand and looked over at Billy.

"Whenever she gets a contraction, she'll push. We'll count to ten and the take a break. Hopefully, he'll come out in a few pushes. If you wanna cut the cord I'll tend to her while you do it." she told him.

I felt another contraction come over me and the doctor yelled for me to push. I leaned up and pushed as Billy and the nurse counted down. I really wanted to do this with pain medicine but lucky me I get into a wreck. I fell back when it left and sighed. I felt tears spill down my face and Billy ran a rag over my head.

"It's okay, Ness." he whispered.

"You're doing great Vanessa." the nurse said. I let out a soft scream as another ripped through me. The nurse pushed me up and I pushed again. I screamed and pushed as hard as I could. I head the doctor cheer me on. I laid back again and panted. I cried a little more as another came right after.

"One more! Vanessa, one more." the doctor said. I felt Billy squeeze my hand and smile at me. I leaned back up and pushed as hard as I could. I saw a smile cross the doctor's face and a feeling of relief came over me as I fell back. Billy kissed my head and smiled at me. I closed my eyes and cried as the sound of my baby's cry filled the room. Billy kissed my lips and rubbed my head.

"I love you." he whispered.

"I love you too."

**It's not so easy loving me  
It gets so complicated  
All the things you've gotta be  
Everything's changin'But you're the truth  
I'm amazed by all your patience  
Everything I put you through**

When I'm about to fall  
Somehow you're always waitin'  
with your open arms to catch me  
You're gonna save me from myself  
from myself, yes  
You're gonna save me from myself

My love is tainted by your touch  
Cuz some guys have shown me aces  
But you've got that royal flush  
I know it's crazy everyday  
Well tomorrow may be shaky  
But you never turn away

Don't ask me why I'm cryin'  
Cuz when I start to crumble  
You know how to keep me smilin'  
You always save me from myself  
from myself, myself  
You're gonna save me from myself

I know it's hard, it's hard  
But you've broken all my walls  
You've been my strength, so strong

And don't ask me why I love you  
It's obvious your tenderness  
Is what I need to make me  
a better woman to myself  
to myself, myself  
You're gonna save me from myself

Save Me From Myself by Christina Aguilera


	28. Reckless

_Thanks to all of you who ahve reviewed, I appreciate it but the time has come to say good bye...For now. Yes, I have plans to do a sequel sometime soon. I need a break from DS fics and work on my Four Brother's fic. The sequel will not be as long as this one, at least I don't think so, but I have tons of stuff planned for it. Trust me you'll love it! So stay tuned and check out my Four Brother's fic if you get bored...lol. Thanks again!! :)_

* * *

I laid back and watched as Billy cut the cord. The doctor carried him over to the bed and laid him down. He wiped him off and checked his stats. The finished with me and I was finally able to take my legs down.

"You okay?" Billy asked from the side of the bed. I stared up at him and smiled.

"Perfect." I whispered. He smiled and kissed my head.

"Who wants hold him first?" the nurse asked. We looked at each other and I spoke up.

"Billy." I told her. He looked at me and back at the nurse. She smiled and held out the baby. He carefully scooped the baby into his arms and held him to his chest. He let out a ragged breath and looked down at the baby.

"He has green eyes." he said softly. I smiled and sat up to look at our baby in his arms. I moved the blue blanket and smiled.

"He looks like you. But with my nose." I laughed. He smirked and stared at the baby. I watched as a million emotions flooded through his eyes. He looked up at me and smiled.

"You want him now?" he said. I nodded and gently grabbed the baby from him. I smiled down at the tiny baby in my arms and ran my finger down his cheek.

"Hey there." I whispered. I bit my lip and held back tears as Billy wrapped an arms around me and kissed my head. I heard voices from outside and then the door was pushed open.

"Are you..." Heather started and stopped. Joe walked in behind her and gaped at us.

"You had him?" he asked breathlessly. I smiled and looked at Heather.

"You mean I missed it?" she asked sadly. I smiled and patted the bed next to me. Joe walked over next to Billy and peered over his shoulder while Heather sat next to me. She smiled as I moved the blanket from his neck and showed him off. Joe reached out and laid a hand on the baby's chest. He grabbed Joe's finger and he lit up.

"He looks just like Billy. I'm sorry Ness but he does." Heather told me. I laughed and looked up at Billy.

"Yeah he does. He looks just like his daddy." I smiled. He kissed my head and grabbed my hand. The nurse walked in and held up her hand.

"There are a few more people who wish to see you. Is that okay?" she asked. I nodded and in walked Bodie, Baggy and Heco. They smiled at me and walked over to see the baby better.

"Good god we got another Billy." Bodie laughed. Billy smacked his arm and laughed. "Seriously, congrats you two." Billy stood up and hugged him, well gave him a manly hug. We chatted for a few minutes and Joe finally asked the obvious.

"What's his name?" he asked. Everyone laughed and looked at us. I looked up at Billy and smiled.

"You wanna tell them?" I asked. He nodded and cleared his throat.

"Gavin Kade Darley." he told them.

"Well hello Gavin, I'm Uncle Joe." Joe said rubbing Gavin's tiny hand. We talked and eventually passed the baby around. Boy, did it look weird to see Bodie and Baggy holding him. Any other mom would have flipped to see them looking at her kid and I was letting them hold mine. After about an hour everyone left except Billy.

"So how does fatherhood feel so far?" I asked Billy. He looked up from feeding Gavin and smirked.

"So far so good. No peeing on me or screaming yet." he joked. I smiled and watched him. He seemed like a natural. I didn't know how such a tough man could carefully hold a baby. It was a contradiction. But everything about us was. The way we loved, the way we fought. Nothing was like it was supposed to but I liked it that way.

"You gonna burp him?" I asked. He shook his head.

"No, I might hurt him. You can burp him." he told me. I laughed and took Gavin from him. "When can you leave?" he asked and sat next to me on the bed as I patted Gavin's back.

"You don't have to stay here. I'll be fine. But I might be able to leave tomorrow night." I told him.

"I'm not gonna leave you and our baby it's first night. I wanna be here." he told me. I smiled and laid Gavin in my lap after I heard a small burp. He flung his arms and looked around.

"He's gorgeous." I whispered.

"He's not gorgeous. He's a boy. He's handsome." Billy scowled. I laughed and patted his leg.

"Thank you." I told him. He smiled and nodded. He knew what I meant. I looked back at Gavin and rubbed his feet. We sat there for hours just staring at him and taking turns holding him.

* * *

Billy's POV

Gavin was nearly six weeks old. He was a pretty quiet baby. When he woke up he started out whimpering then he slowly got louder. He rarely got to a full out cry unless we were crashed. I had taken the first few days off so I could be with her. We wanted to get used to having the baby around and I needed my days off. So far, so good though.

"I'll get him." I mumbled as the faint whimpering came from the monitor. I pulled my pants on and walked into the next room. I looked at the clock as I walked in, 3:24am. "You've been up a lot, huh?" I asked as I picked him up.

It was the fourth time he had woken up. Usually, he woke up every four hours. We put him to bed at 9 and it was like clock work from there. But tonight he had woken up every hour or so. I sat in the corner chair and held him to my chest. I pulled the recline out and laid my head back.

"Let's get some rest. Daddy's gotta work tomorrow." I whispered. He threw his arm up and looked at me. "What? You knew that, huh? Ya think keeping me up all night will make me stay, I wish." I told him. He waved his arm and I smiled. I looked up and saw Vanessa smiling at the door.

"He keeping you up?" she asked and walked over.

"Nah, he's good. At least I have an excuse to sleep at work." I laughed. She smiled and sat next to me in the chair. She laid her head on my shoulder and tickled Gavin's stomach.

"Hey baby." she cooed. I kissed her head and closed my eyes. "Give him here and you go sleep." she told me and stood up. I stood up and passed Gavin to her. I kissed her lips and then her head.

"I love you. You need me, come get me." I told her. She smiled and sat back down.

I watched her coo and cuddle him before I left. I smiled and shook my head. So much has changed. I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a beer from the fridge. I opened it and leaned my elbows against the counter. I sipped it slowly and a smile graced my face when a small hand crawled across my stomach. I felt her kiss my bare back and set my beer down. I turned around and her lips were on mine in an instant. She kissed me with force and such love. I picked her up and set on her on the counter. I got in between her legs and she quickly wrapped them around my waist. I pulled her closer and moved my lips down her neck.

"Please." she whispered. I picked her up and carried her into the room. I laid her on the bed and pulled her night dress off. I kissed down her now flat stomach and pulled her panties off. She had been so worried she wouldn't get back in shape but she did. I pulled off my pants and boxers and got in between her legs again. It amazed me that we waited this long to have sex. When the doctor told me no sex for at least five weeks I about died.

"If he cries, he can wait." I told her. She smiled and pushed herself closer to me. I rubbed her entry and smiled when I pushed inside of her. Her fact contorted with pleasure and she gripped my arms. I groaned and pumped in and out. I held her hips and made her meet me in each thrust. She bit her lip to keep from crying out as I moved faster.

"God Nessa." I groaned and kissed her chest. I let her hips go and intertwined our fingers above her head. I felt her bite my neck when she started to tighten around me. I covered her mouth with mine as she came. She moaned into my mouth and bit my lip as she let go. I smirked and stared into her eyes as I pushed into one last time before I came. I stayed on top of her and rested my head against hers.

"I love you." she whispered. I opened my eyes and looked into hers below me.

"I love you too." I whispered back. I was about to kiss her when the familiar whimper filled the room. We laughed and I got up to get dressed. "I'm bringing him in here." I told her and walked out to the room. I picked him up and grabbed his bassinet. I pulled it into the room and set it next to her side of the bed. I crawled back in bed and sat him in my lap. Vanessa turned the lamp on and sat next to me.

"I guess that was our night." she laughed. I nodded and bounced him a little. "Big bad Billy Darley." she smiled. I glared at her.

"Don't push it. He's still here, he's just taking a break." I told her. She kissed my cheek and grabbed Gavin's foot to kiss it.

I looked at her and Gavin and sighed on the inside. He looked exactly like me. He had the dirty blonde hair I used to have. He had my eyes and lips. He was already tall, well long for his age. But he was guaranteed to be tall between my 6'2" and Nessa's 5'10". He was a calm baby which I thanked god for everyday. It wasn't as bad as I thought. But the tough part hadn't come into play. The boys had taken over the streets since he was born but from what Bodie said trouble was on the brew. I eventually had to go back. If people thought I was a bastard before, they won't stand a chance now. I dare them to mess with me now. Back then I had nothing to loose, now I have a family. And I'll be damned if I let someone touch them...

**Please forgive me while I turn out the lights  
Watch this haunted day turn into a wasted night  
So cut me off-throw me down  
Cause I'm reckless, goddamn son of a bitch!  
I'm reckless  
So reckless  
God save me from this madness  
I'm walking on broken glass from the wreckage of my past  
I'm locked up in a cage 'cause I'm a prisoner of my ways  
So cut me off-throw me out  
'cause I'm reckless, I'm a reckless goddamn son of a bitch!  
Thank god I've got a women with my name across her heart  
Loving me ain't easy, loving me is hard  
I'm sorry about the madness but that's the way its gotta be  
'cause it takes a crazy woman to love a reckless man like me**

Reckless by Papa Roach


End file.
